Just Me Right Now.

Packing

2011-11-13T07:36:00.000-06:00

I seriously think my junk multiplies with each box I pack. Layer upon layer of "stuff" from over 10 years of living in this house. My "I'll do/sort/throw it away it later" mentality is not serving me well now that I have to sort through all this stuff. Blech.

Can a person change from a clutterbug (me) to someone who immediately deals with accumulation of junk? I feel like I'm always in a rush and always putting off things until later. I'll do those dishes later, I'll throw away that junk mail later, I'll sort through the boys toys later...and then when later comes there's always something else to be done. Exhaustion...that's what I'm feeling! Hehe.

Surely there's some site/blog/group out there for people like me? If so, I'd love to know about it.

I Am Here

2011-11-12T15:36:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am alive. Things have been so hectic. What kind of blog post do you write after over a month?! So much to talk about, I've written hundreds of posts in my head over the last few weeks, just never found the time to sit down and type them out.

I feel like I've been hit by wave over wave of change and challenges. Not sure when it's safe to come up for air. Seems like things just keep coming. It'd be easy to just do a bullet point list of the craziness, but each bullet would probably take it's own post to explain!

We're buying a new house and close next week
Corbin changed programs at school so now he's gone 4.5 hours each day :(
We went on a quick vacation to the grandparents house last week
I'm packing for our move! We have a lot of junk.
My grandmother is coming to live with us in our new house
In preparation for her moving, she's coming to visit and see the new house on Wednesday
Holidays...
And life's general craziness besides all the above

Overwhelmed is my current state of mind - so pray for my sanity please!

I Walk Because...

2011-10-01T23:34:00.000-05:00

Mark and I are the typical couple. And like a typical couple, I occasionally steal some of his big T-shirts when the ratio of clean to dirty laundry is getting off balance - which is quite often. But there's one shirt that I never wear. It's the one that says:

I walk because I have MS.

Mark describes his uncertain diagnosis as not being allowed in a club, but still getting all the "benefits" - of course in this club, "benefits" are things like paralysis, numbness, nerve pain, etc. You can read all about why he walks here. But why he walks and why I walk are two different reasons. So I'm going to tell you why I walk.

I walk because I refuse to give in. When they were first diagnosing Mark (he calls it all the poking and prodding), I felt like a helpless bystander. And as we got more and more bad test results and news we didn't want to hear, I just wanted to curl up and die. I didn't eat or drink anything for 2 days.

After his spinal tap, we brought him home to rest and our friends came over to see him. I ran into my room sobbing and just laid there and cried. I knew everyone was out there and I just couldn't face them. I didn't want to see the look in their eyes. I didn't want to see the concern. I didn't want to think of my "hero" as anything but who he'd always been - strong, healthy, and always there.

Those first few months were the worst. It seemed like our whole life was MS. The world had stopped and we were stuck in MS City. It's all anyone would talk to me about - "How's Mark?" Here I was, just barely holding it together, the only thing keeping me moving was distracting myself from it, and it was thrown in my face again and again.

Each time someone asked, my heart would sink and break into a million pieces all over again. And no one would ask Mark directly. Here, he was the one who seemed to get real benefit from talking about it with people, and instead they would ask me.

And the drugs, the horrible, horrible drugs. For two years, I lost the person I knew as Mark. It was so gradual, that I didn't even realize it until he got on a new medicine. All of a sudden, he was back. Oh yeah, there's the person I fell in love with. He had lost that playful, sweet, patient, kind piece of his personality. And I was left with a stranger.

I think I learned about love during those two years. Even though my Mark was gone, I resolved to love the new Mark. Love as a choice, not as an infatuation or conditional state.

I think the worst is the uncertainty. We had so many plans. We've given up so many plans. Thinking about all the "what ifs". When I think about them, I am paralyzed. If I thought about them, I'm not really sure how I could get through life. I don't think about them. We have today. And I live in today.

I don't think I'd be sitting here typing this today if I hadn't found the sweet peace and comfort in Jesus Christ. Anyone who reads this blog, knows that He is a big part of my life. What a lot of people don't know is that there was a long period in my life before Christ that I suffered with suicidal thoughts and cutting. Praise God that He has healed me from those desperate thoughts.

The strength that I find to get up each morning and face our life, no matter the circumstances, is from Him. I beg Him each day for the comfort only He can give me in the face of these circumstances. To live each day in the knowledge of MS, and also the struggles we have with Corbin's disabilities is hard. It would be easy to give up and wallow in my own little pity party.

This life is filled with sadness, but it is also filled with sweet joy and hope. My husband is amazing. He's the strongest person I know, and............
my heart tells me I can't live without him.

But my heart also knows that I will never be without him no matter what the circumstances. And I will always be there for him - even if my hard shell defenses sometimes give him less than the sympathetic ear he truly deserves. I guess that's just me protecting myself.

I love my husband so much, but I hate MS. It's robbed us of so much, and it continues to rob us every day. I wish I could take this burden from him, but I can't. I wish someone could understand what it's like to stand by and watch your husband suffer, unable to do anything - not many do.

Most relate better to Mark - I think that's easier to get your head around. I have deep respect for all the spouses out there who silently have MS or other chronic illnesses- not in a physical way, but in an emotional way. I may not suffer the physical effects of MS, but it has certainly ravaged my life.

Personally, the MS Walk is the hardest day of the year for me. Going there and meeting with all the other people suffering with MS is a reminder. A reminder about how ugly this disease is. I try not to compare Mark to anyone else.

My daily prayer, is that this disease would stay at bay - that we continue to have success with the drugs and therapies. And seeing the different progressions of the disease on walk day shakes me to my core.

Having our friends and family around me that day is the only thing that gets me through. And I appreciate each and every one of you who have supported us throughout the years. Your presence means more to me than I could ever possibly express.

We participate in the MS Walk each year as a reminder. A reminder that we are still here, we are still struggling, but we are also still living. And each year we celebrate the gift of another year of life.

I walk because I refuse to give up - there is so much life left to live and I am not going to waste one second of it. Mark was diagnosed in 2005 and since then we have lived each day to the fullest - in just 6 short years we have had so much joy - 2 beautiful boys added to our family and days filled with laughter and love.

If you'd like to join us this year, the MS Walk is being held at Dell Diamond on Oct 29th (a saturday). You can access our team page here.

Do The Next Thing

2011-09-07T13:57:00.001-05:00

I read a great article this morning which emphasized the importance of just doing the next thing. Not the endless "to-do" lists, or the unreachable quest of perfection, but only the next thing. This was just what I needed to hear this morning in week 3 of homeschooling, therapy appointments, laundry, and Corbin's new school. My last two weeks have been awesome in some respects, and downright failures in others!

I have excelled in working through my lesson plan for Hayden and we are definitely accomplishing and making progress. Even when I was sick one day last week, we still finished all our work for the week.

But, in that same time, I've cooked dinner, oh about two times. We ate out a lot and we grabbed lunch in the drive-thru most days.

I have successfully shuttled Corbin to and from appointments and gotten him ready for school each morning by his 7 o'clock bus time.

I have also struggled fitting in his daily "homework" from his speech therapist.

I haven't drowned in a pile of laundry (yet), but the laundry baskets aren't empty either. I will say that no one has come stumbling out of their room complaining that they have no underwear. So I'll call that a win.

And the last fail, I've been able to work out only once a week. But hey, I did work out once each week, which could have been not at all...so success? I guess it depends on your benchmarks.

So this morning, when I was feeling unmotivated and tired, all I really wanted to do was to stay in bed all day. When I stumbled out of the bedroom, my previously clean living room now had toys all over it. In the span of two hours, all my hard work from the previous day was erased. And that's how it feels a lot of the time. I clean so that I can clean some more later! There is no "finish line" for me. That irritates me. I'm very much a completion, "job well done" type of gal. Hrmph.

So in an effort to avoid my inevitable "work", I started my daily blog reading and came across this jewel - which had me saying "Exactly!" and "Yes!!!" a lot. That's exactly what I needed to read this morning. Just do the next thing. I need to let go of what I'm not doing, what needs to be done, and what I should be doing...and just do the next thing.

I am letting go of my feelings of failure and inadequacies, my desire (although unattainable) for perfection, and my need to achieve and accomplish.

And I'm just doing the next thing...which right now means eating lunch. ;)

The Waiting Room

2011-09-03T11:36:00.000-05:00

Three hours a week, Hayden and I keep ourselves occupied in the waiting room while Corbin gets therapy. I'm getting better at bringing games, snacks, and things that will keep a four year old busy for a whole hour - believe me, it's not easy. Especially, now that we have been going for two weeks.

The waiting room has a really cool ceiling in the kids area that has twinkling lights that look like a sky full of stars. For the past few times, I've been dying to lay out on the floor "under the stars" with Hayden. This time, I did it - and it was even better than I thought it would be:

Walking the Line

2011-08-28T22:02:00.000-05:00

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel love
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

I hate walking that line between faith and desperation. When the world doesn't line up the way I want, when people disappoint me, when I'm dealt a hand that's difficult to bear. To find meaning and purpose in it all. It's easy to find faith in perfection, but it's a shallow and hollow faith. Real faith is found in desperation. In the dirty details, in the last straw. It's found in the tears, it's found in the begging for miracles and the silence of waiting. It's the last breath and the dull ache. It's in the slow release of the grasped hands. It's in the death of dreams and the surrender of life. It's the laying down of pride and pretenses, and coming to Him empty handed and humbled. When the world has stopped offering up it's rusted and moth-eaten treasures and discovering that the true desires of your heart can't be bought or won.

It's then you find that fleeting moment of clarity and peace, knowing that this world is not what it was meant to be, but there is Hope. There is beauty in the brokenness, peace in the chaos, and love in this world of hate. And to live with Hope is the only way to live for all else under the sun is vanity.

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lift it up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome
He has overcome

Friday Week Review

2011-08-26T10:00:00.001-05:00

Just a quick post to update you all on our first official week of school -

I started the week being very unsure of how we would all survive our new and busier schedule, but...WE DID IT! I'm actually quite enjoying our schedule because I am getting so much more done and really feel like we are accomplishing things. The only downside is I am very tired by the end of the day and I'm definitely going to have to guard my Thursdays and Fridays carefully because they are truly the only days that have any free time in them. I still do NOT like getting up at 6am, but it is nice to see how much I've accomplished by 10am each day (Breakfast, Dishes, Laundry, Corbin on Bus and back home, finished school with Hayden for the day).

Corbin seems to really love school, he hops on the bus without any fuss. Of course, when you're going to school for speech, it's hard to know anything about their day. I ask him did you have fun? and he replies..."Yesssh". And well, that's the conversation, HA! So, judging by his demeanor, I'm thinking he's liking school.

His private therapy is going well too, he really loves his speech therapist and she is super sweet! Wednesday they both came riding down the hall on a plasma car! Too cute. Hayden and I relax in the waiting room and work on his AWANA memory verses. I also now have a bag of fun stuff that Hayden plays with each time. Things like card games, toys from fast food kid meals that I kept, puzzles, etc. That seems to keep him busy for the hour.

Yesterday I finished up my lesson plans, copying, cutting, laminating and printing for the month - so I'm completely set till the end of September. I think I will continue to work on lessons each Thursday like I did this week. It feels good to have a buffer of lessons in case we get sick or things get hectic.

The laminator has become my new best friend - I love this machine! I'm finding all kind of fun games and other manipulatives to make for Hayden! Plus, it's nice to laminate the items I know I'll use again next year with Corbin. I definitely recommend this fun "toy" to any homeschooler!

Although it is a lot of work, I'm finding that I'm ending our week much happier than I have all summer - so I think that means Week 1 was a success!! Come back next week and I'm sure you will find me passed out on the floor covered in worksheets and crayons in complete chaos! But a girl can dream - and right now those dreams are of a week well done!

Family Photo...I think not...

2011-08-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

Here's my explanation about why we don't do more family pictures...

Gearing Up For Another Year

2011-08-18T10:05:00.000-05:00

I'm gearing up for my busiest year yet in my almost 5 years of being at home. So busy, that I actually had to resort to scheduling out everything in order to fit it all in.

Corbin begins daily PPCD (Preschool Programs for Children with Disabilities) classes next Tuesday which will be from 7:45am-9:45am. And with his recent diagnosis of apraxia of speech, he is also attending private therapy 2 more times a week (and possibly more in the future). He is also receiving occupational therapy once a week (we are trying to work up to twice a week) for fine motor and sensory issues.

Hayden begins his first full year of homeschooling next week. I've been lesson planning and organizing materials all week for the next month of lessons. I am blessed to have 36 weeks of lesson plans and curriculum done for me, but there is still plenty of prep and adapting that needs to be done. The results of this year will determine if we will continue educating Hayden at home, or if I will enroll him in Kinder next fall. This year, as he is still four, I am mixing PreK and Kinder materials for him. He is advancing well in his reading and is already in Kinder material. We took a break (except from reading) this summer, so I am anxious to get back to working with him.

Hayden is also beginning another year of AWANA on Sunday evenings. We switched to Sundays this year from Wednesdays. Wednesday was just too hard to do during the middle of a busy week, plus it was at 6pm which is generally our dinner time. I am very excited to have it on Sunday afternoons now!

This year I also took on the role of Family Ministry Director at our church, and I am loving it! But, that too comes with meetings, planning, and work that I have to proactively schedule to make sure I stay on top of it. I'm also trying to stay healthy so I can do all these things by working out at the YMCA 3 times a week! Oh and don't forget all of that cooking, cleaning, and other things we wives and mothers do, HA!

My schedule is a sea of ink, but somehow I managed to put it all in there - with even time to relax and do my quiet time each day! I think this year I will have to survive on lots of prayer and reliance on God. Lucky for me, I thrive on less time, not more. Give me a whole day to something and I will procrastinate until the last minute. Give me 30 seconds to do something, and it's done. That's just my personality. So, I'm kind of looking forward to the chaos.

Hayden's First Sleepover

2011-08-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

This month Hayden had his first sleepover! His friend Jake came over and spent the night. I was a little worried how I would handle three wild boys in the house - but it was awesome!! Thinking back to my own slumber party days, I remembered that slumber parties meant FUN and I threw out all our usual rules.

We ate pizza for dinner. We watched a spooky (ok not that spooky) Alvin and the Chipmunks Halloween movie. We ate our weight in popcorn. I made a huge "bed" on the floor with lots of pillows and blankets for movie watching. We ran around the dark house with flashlights scaring each other. We all crashed (except for Corbin who refused to sleep). Then we all woke up and went swimming.

I have to say, our first sleepover was a success! And only one thing got broken! Woohoo!

Family Day

2011-08-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

Last week Mark had a rare day off!

A Monday!

With less crowds!!!

So we made it a family day.

Bowling at Mel's Lonestar Lanes - super kid friendly!

I recommend ordering a burger there - they are awesome.

Hayden totally beat me...I came in third.

Then dessert at Monument Cafe - yum.

To my dismay, the kids don't like root bear floats.

Oh well, more for me!

Summer Update

2011-07-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Even though we don't have school age kids, somehow I still get swept up in the busyness of summer that seems to overtake everyone this time of year. And apparently, since I haven't blogged in over a month, that affects my time to write here!

We just got back from visiting my parents in Kentucky for two whole weeks. I won't tell you how difficult it is to solo parent in someone else's home for that long - and sleep with Mr. Wiggles (aka Corbin) for 14 days. But, it's worth it for the boys to get to spend time with their grandparents, so I just deal with it. I only had one grandparent growing up, whom I didn't get to see as often as I would have liked, so it's important to me that the boys have lots of memories with Grandma and Papa. Needless to say, I'm glad to be home.

My parents raise cattle on their farm (in Ky they call everything a farm, not a ranch, etc), so Hayden had a great time going out with Papa every morning and feeding the cows. He came home with a new hat and pair of boots he wore while out on the farm everyday.

One of the best parts was definitely how green everything was - so beautiful compared to our current landscape with the drought this year.

Now we're just trying to settle back into everyday life. I felt like there were a thousand things waiting for me when I returned. I'm still catching up on everything and our suitcases are still not unpacked, HA!

Our Meadow

2011-06-21T23:08:00.000-05:00

One of my goals for the boys is to spend a significant chunk of their time outdoors. This week has been awesome for getting them outside. The mornings are still bearable and the true heat doesn't hit until afternoon. As the summers continue, I'm thinking there will be a lot more pool and sprinkler time. Monday, we hit a local park and picnicked in one of the few green meadows still in existence in this awful drought.

They boys occupied themselves by collecting dozens of sticks and the occasional flower or, uh, beer can. If there is trash within a 10 mile radius, Corbin will find it. Let's just say we did our part to make our meadow cleaner. Sticks became swords and even "peg legs" for my little pirates.

It was fun to watch them entertain themselves and just enjoy nature. Eventually, I'd like to work up to spending the entire morning outside, but so far our max has been 2 1/2 hours.

I think we may just adopt this meadow and make it ours. There's no playground or other attractions, just the meadow all to ourselves. The boys run, shout, laugh, explore and play - without bothering anyone - it's perfect.

Getting My Head in the Game

2011-06-06T10:39:00.001-05:00

Last week I started to get my head in the game of parenting. Sometimes I can get so caught up in the academic and physical aspects of parenting, that I neglect the spiritual! Which means that our lives are chaos because I'm not dealing with my children's hearts while training and disciplining, I'm only reacting to situations that come up. Just being reactive ends up creating a crazy, yelling, frustrated Mom and two completely undisciplined kids.

So one night last week I grabbed every parenting book I owned and sat down on my bed ready to make my game plan. I was tired of repeating myself over and over, tired of yelling, tired of being upset all the time - I was just exhausted! Despite the fact that I had a whole stack of parenting books, I came back to the same two that I have loved from the beginning. Their strategies and perspective on parenting have always worked for us - when I use them! It's so easy to get into a reactive parenting rut - a few illnesses, a busy period, a new change, and BOOM! I'm back to frustrated Mommy.

Don't Make Me Count to Three and Parenting With Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments have helped me tremendously. (Note that Parenting with Scripture is a reference book of parenting scriptures, not a "how-to". For the nuts and bolts, read Don't Make Me Count to Three.) They give some great advice and point out some of the pitfalls of parenting without a real plan. Just to name a few:

Repeating Yourself Endlessly

"Hayden, stop that. Hayden, stop. Hayden, Hayden HAYDEN SIT DOWN!". Yeah, sounds annoying just typing it and it's super annoying while I'm doing it too. Now there is one warning if it's something he is aware of that is wrong (two if it's a new rule) and then training and disciplining.

Disciplining Without Training

How many times have I verbally reproofed Hayden or done a time out or some other discipline but then never gone back and showed him what he should do. I clearly stated what was wrong but never what was right. Now every discipline is paired with training in the right behavior. An example: Hayden is whining about what's being served for breakfast. He gets the warning with our rules for meals: "Hayden, you don't have to eat all of your food, but you won't get anything else unless you finish what you were given first." Then the scripture (paraphrased for his age): "We need to do everything without complaining or arguing". This is his warning for the arguing that often comes after this. If he argues, then part of his discipline is training: "Hayden, instead of complaining and arguing, what should you have done?" Hayden: "Say yes, Mommy and eaten my food OR tell you I'm finished eating.".

Being Inconsistent

I was parenting based on my mood. Some days I corrected certain behaviors and others I "let it slide". But my duty as a parent is to correct and traing my children. If it is bad behavior than I must correct it, regardless of if I feel like it or not, or if it's only a "small" thing. I must deal with each behavior and train them in the correct way. Which leads me into...

Disciplining Out of Annoyance

Occasionally, I was disciplining things that were merely annoying to me and not truly wrong. In fact, in some scenarios - maybe I was in the wrong for being lazy or distracted or doing things that were best left for times when I wasn't with my children. I can't expect to spend a significant time on the computer doing work when I have two small children at home. And that's something I have to be sure and guard against.

Parenting Without Reference

Again, I was flying by the seat of my pants here. I knew what was right and wrong, but not why. Using God's Word gives me the tools I need to train my children. It's not wrong "Because I said so" (which I was using a lot lately) - It's wrong because God says so, and here's where and why (God actually explains his laws, unlike me sometimes).

After retraining myself, I'm delighted to say that I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's a lot easier to enforce God's Word in my house than my word. Having a plan for how to discipline and training my children is so much more empowering than guessing and making it up as I go. There has been a lot less yelling (practically none - it's a hard habit to get out of), I am working on remember not to repeat myself and get off my lazy buns and discipline and train when I need to, and the kids actually are slowly starting to listen a bit better. It's also helped me dig into the Bible a lot more because I'm realizing that even I don't know what God says on this or that situation. It's not always easy - for instance we were almost late for the boat party this weekend because Hayden decided that he did NOT want to be disciplined and was throwing a fit. But instead of saying, "Whatever, let's just go", we stayed and dealt with it - and I'm so glad we did. I'm still in process and unlearning my old ways of parenting, but I'm hoping to continue to grow and parent with a plan.

Milestones

2011-06-01T09:27:00.001-05:00

It's official! My boys are now sharing a room and Corbin is now sleeping in a bed. I procrastinated on this change as long as I could, but the time finally came. And it was an incredibly easy transition! I think that is mostly due to the fact that Corbin is almost 3 and was very excited to get his own bed (or bottom bunk, hehe).

I just can't believe how fast they are growing up. I no longer have babies!!! Or even toddlers!! Wow.

But, despite my mournings for their babyhood, I do love having preschoolers. They sleep (or at least stay in their room) until 8, and rarely get up in the middle of the night. There is so much less equipment to carry around and I'm starting to feel like a person again and not a pack mule. Corbin is still in diapers, but Hayden has been potty trained for a year now. I'm no longer scared of the potty training phase. Once you've done it once, it loses its mystique. They will eventually get it, even if it doesn't seem like it while you're in the trenches. Trust me, I was in the trenches for 18 months with Hayden. My only advice? Dump the pull-ups, throw on the underwear and be really consistent. Starting and stopping or "taking the day off" is not going to get you anywhere. If you aren't ready for that just wait, you'll save yourself a huge headache and a lot of dirty clothes. Hence, why haven't trained Corbin yet. You really need to take time and devote your entire week or month even to potty training. Although, I would like to get him trained by the fall so he can do AWANA with Hayden.

It feels good to have a few of these parenting things under my belt and behind us! But, I'm also looking forward to what's ahead!

How about you? Where are you in the parenting trenches? The potty training that never ends? Sleep training? Starting school?

Pantry Cleanout

2011-05-31T10:57:00.000-05:00

It's that time again - the pantry and freezer are full with random items! Seems like this must happen at least twice a year. Mostly, because I like to try new recipes - which inevitably means I end up with leftover ingredients. This week I am not heading to the store for a weekly stock up of our kitchen, but cooking from what we already have. What does that look like?

A lot of improvising for one thing. Today we're grilling with our community group and as the sign up sheet for food got sent out I realized I didn't have any of the items on the list! One possibility that I might be able to make from scratch was cookies. I soon realized I didn't have any butter. So I looked up recipes for cookies that didn't use butter and found a great applesauce alternative. I actually didn't have applesauce, but I did have apple butter which substituted just fine! Tonight we'll have oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and I didn't have to make a run to the store! We even had a few extras as snacks for the rest of the week.

It also means discovering those back items on the shelves like my instant swiss mocha coffee mix. Yum! I'm trying to conserve the milk for the kids, so my morning latte is out. But this has done the job just fine this week. I have a nice surplus of this and all kinds of tea - so my hot beverage desire will be well fed this week.

Meal planning also becomes important. My usual "go to" meal ideas aren't doable - but we have plenty of ingredients if I just use my imagination...and my slow cooker. Oh the beauty of the slow cooker to mix together a quick meal out of nothing. My slow cooked chicken with diced tomatoes and cream cheese is one of my favorites. (Don't forget to add the cream cheese at the end!) That is looking to be Wednesday's dinner with that box of instant rice I've had sitting on our shelf for a few months.

Soups are a great way to use up those random items. I made a big pot of chicken and rice soup and threw in some of our veggies that needed to be used up. I think chicken noodle soup will find it's way into our menu later this week as well.

There's no eating out this week either, unless we had a gift card (which we don't). Just me and my kitchen. :)

More and more I'm being convicted about being better stewards of what blessings we have been given. Wasting money on convenience foods or excessive eating out has been high on my list to deal with. Those resources could go to so many better things!

How are your pantries these days? Am I the only one that has stuff falling out from the shelves? HA!

Friday Homebody Edition

2011-05-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

Nothing makes me happier than knowing that I have a whole day at home with my munchkins. It seems we are always running here and there for something, and at heart I am a homebody.

Folding laundry while Corbin is slaying dragons and Hayden is learning the fine art of cooking is my idea of perfection. Seriously, you must hit up the dollar aisle at Target. Last year I got the boys foam swords and warrior hats - best $4 I ever spent. Hayden (although he doesn't know it) is mastering the rolling pin and rolling out dough while he makes his playdough "cookies".

And catching up on laundry when you're down to your last kitchen hand towel, is well, glorious. Yay for clean clothes and towels!

Today there are no errands to run, no appts or meetings, no shopping needs (ok well we do need milk, but I'll let hubby take care of that) - just cleaning and organizing and enjoying being home.

I've come to a good place this week as far as home stuff goes. My secret - laptop is IN the kitchen. No more using my office computer tucked away in the back of the house. Somehow just being in my kitchen makes me want to clean things, HA! So kitchen is clean, and like a virus this "cleanliness" is spreading to the rest of the house.

I've read a lot of different approaches to house cleaning. Some say start in the kitchen, some say catch up on laundry, but honestly, I think just catching up or accomplishing ANYTHING is the really key. I've tried both approaches, and they both worked. Just the accomplishment and satisfaction of having one clean or caught up area motivated me to do the rest. So at present my kitchen is clean (by my standards you martha stewart nazis) and the laundry is catching up as I type. The dining room table is clear - minus Mr. Playdough's current adventure; and the living room is picked up (except the couch pillows...those are perpetually thrown on the floor in what I can only assume is a neatness defiance in my kidlets).

So at this moment I can revel in my housekeeping abilities, knowing that at any next moment chaos will strike and I'll be back to square one, but RIGHT NOW it's clean over here and I'm loving it.

Following My Instincts

2011-05-23T23:57:00.002-05:00

I'm starting to get into a groove with our new "learning adventure". Although I may need to come up with a term other than homeschooling. Every time I say that, my mind instantly thinks of kids in matching denim jumpers...old stereotyping still stuck in my head I guess, I've never known any denim wearing homeschoolers.

I've actually strayed quite a bit from the pre-planned curriculum I purchased. Instead, I've been leaning towards following my instincts and Hayden's curiosity. The curriculum's method of teaching language relied heavily on a writing component. Lots of letter practice - which Hayden is not a fan of. It was frustrating Hayden and he was getting moody every time we worked on it! Boys often develop fine motor skills later and can have difficulty with writing this young. Hayden seems no exception. And, lucky me, my mom just told me today that I had a hard time with writing as well. In fact, I now vaguely remember tons of cursive practice in my elementary school days and my teacher often telling me that my letters were "leaning" the wrong way, HA! I guess he comes by it rightly.

So I backed off for a few weeks and let him lead. After a couple weeks, I started hearing his interest move back towards letters - "Cat starts with C", "Dog starts with D", "Thomas starts with T" and the one he announced one night during dinner (while we had a guest) - "Poop starts with P". Our days were suddenly filled with the "starts with" talk. Yes! Someone is ready for reading I think.

But, I did not pull out our old materials from the curriculum. I already knew he hated those and I didn't want to squash his new love of letters. He was obviously starting to learn about phonics and I wanted to continue with that. I searched out simple reader books that could take the knowledge he had and translate that into reading. I found the Bob Books. These books are wonderful! They start off using four letters and compose an entire story from words made from those four letters. Each book builds on the last, continually adding new sounds/letters. They also incorporate one sight word in each book (book 1 used "on", book 2 "and" etc).

After two sittings, Hayden was reading book 1. Hayden read book 2 on the first try with only a couple helps from me! Hayden is starting to read. I can hardly believe it. And he did it at his own pace. Without tears or frustration. I am certainly learning a lot already about how Hayden learns best and how I can facilitate that learning. Teaching him to read was certainly one of my more formidable tasks that often left me up at night wondering if I'd be able to do it. Reading is a huge love of mine and I wanted to pass that on to my children. Hopefully, this is just the beginning of his reading adventure!

Oh and I had to laugh today when I brought out some erasable letter practice cards with markers and Hayden sat down on his own and wrote out all his letters with absolutely no fuss. Maybe he'll even learn to write too. ;)

When The Armor Comes Off

2011-05-19T13:05:00.001-05:00

I won't lie to you - I wear a lot of armor each day. I suppose we all do to handle the cards we've been dealt. There's the usual armor - what you need just to be a person, woman, wife, mother, friend, etc, but then there are a few other pieces I put on too - the "I have a kid with disabilities" armor and the "My husband has MS" armor. I layer all these on each day and most days I can deal with life's little hiccups and struggles - and I can do it usually with a bit of confidence too. Tough day? No problem! I've got my armor on! I'm invincible!

And then...well then there's PMS. (Yes, my lone man reader, run now, I'm talking about pms). PMS doesn't allow for any kind of armor to be worn. My heart is right there, exposed to the world, waiting to be stomped on. On this week, there is not protective shield, no invincibility. Every comment strikes right to the heart with no softening of the impact. Today was one of those days.

I pick up my kids from the child watch at the YMCA and the teacher wants to talk to me. She's also a new teacher (and her kids are also in the room - always a grrreat combo {read sarcasm here}). My heart sinks - teachers wanting to talk to you is never a good thing. She rattles off about my awful kids (not sharing toys, taking toys from kids) and then adds in (pointing to Corbin) "And he was shaking his fist at me!" She says it a few times so she gets her point across.

At this point, I'm just kind of shell shocked. I mumble "Okay, I'm sorry" and exit the room before I burst into tears. I head to my car vowing never to bring the kids back to the YMCA. Meanwhile degrading myself from my obvious horrendous parenting skills that I can't even use the child watch without an issue. Which, of course, is not true. We've been going to the YMCA for 8 months and I've only ever had one other bad report.

I get to our car, still processing all I just heard. I just stand there for a minute. Partly because two morons have made it almost impossible for me to get into my car by parking inches from each door. Intellectually, I know I'm emotional and not filtering everything correctly. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I'm thinking a thousand thoughts a second.

I decide to go back up there and confront her. I know what I need to say, but I don't want to say it. I don't like having to say it. I like to pretend like it doesn't exist, but it does and today it's staring me in the face.

We go back. I, first, have Hayden apologize to his teachers for not listening. Then, I address the other thing.

He wasn't shaking his fist at you or threatening you. He's ...disabled. He has global developmental delays. His fine motor delays and sensory processing issues keep his fists closed most of the time and when he gets excited or upset he will close his hands and just wave them around. He wasn't intending to harm you, it's just something he does.

The problem is immediately diffused. But I just hate having to say all that. I want him to be treated like any other kid, and I know one day he will be like any other kid, so my preference is not to mention anything. Typically, his differences don't affect his interactions with kids or teachers, and often they even go unnoticed.

On a normal armor day, it would have rolled right off - never penetrating. My confident self would have said, "Well, that's just life with kids". But today, it meant crying in my car on the way home and admitting to myself that even when I don't let things "touch" me, they still hurt sometimes.

A Mother's Day Reality Check.

2011-05-17T01:00:00.002-05:00

We're going random again today - coherent thoughts lately are reserved for other areas of my life, HA! Here's a little tidbit from Mother's Day, which for those of you who cringe at the thought of Mother's Day did NOT include breakfast in bed, cards from kids, roses, or any of that other nonsense. Let this be thought of as Mel's Mother's Day Reality Check - a post from the trenches, hehe.

Mother's Day weekend we enjoyed a trip to the beach. It was great! And the boys are finally at a great age to enjoy and play at the beach without trying to drown themselves every 2 minutes in the ocean - yay! I packed up everything the night before (as usual) and our only "left-behind" items were the baby wipes...oops. {Mothering FAIL} I had ONE half used package in the car which actually lasted the entire trip - whoa!

This came in to play when we had a little, uh, incident at the beach. Corbin was getting pretty tired and as usual wanted me to hold him (lazy buns), so I wrapped him up in his towel and headed back. {Imagine me trying to climb sand dunes with a 30 lb preschooler in my arms and you get the idea}

As I'm walking back up to the condo I started getting a whiff of a not-so-pleasant smell. And I, of course, in my usual "Duh" fashion think to myself - Hmmm...what's that smell? Sheesh this towel is kind of stinky. Not putting two and two together, I just keep walking with my less than fresh kiddo.

I finally realize that he has, in fact, had a major blowout in a...wait for it...a swim diaper. Now some of you know what this means, and I will enlighten the rest. A swim diaper is about as absorbent as one sheet of toilet paper. As in, the smell I've been smelling is literally all over me, my swim suit, Corbin, and his towel. Ewwww.

I also realize that I have left his ONE half bag of wipes at the beach with Mark. Nice. So I end up hosing the poor kid down in the shower. Which leaves me with another problem...our suits are yucky.

Hayden contributes to our growing laundry pile that night by wetting the bed...argh...and he's officially gone through ALL his underwear. Laundry time has come.

But, no problem, I saw laundry facilities at the resort so I can handle this little hiccup. I wake up early while everyone else is still groggily watching cartoons or getting dressed and head out (oh and it's also Mother's Day, I think I really felt the true essence that morning). I have a 10 dollar bill, but I'm hoping for a change machine - I mean it is a coin laundry right? Yeah, no. No change machine.

Alright, no problem, I got this. I'll head to the convenience store. I need detergent anyway. So while I'm checking out, I ask if I can get change and the guy is all chatting it up for what feels like forever about how awesome he is that his store gives change. Yeah, that's great, and about my change...

Finally, he says, "Ok so what do you need? I can give you anything but quarters. But you won't need quarters because laundry mats have change machines" Anything BUT quarters? Uh, that's what I NEED!!! And no, believe it or not, they don't all have change machines. Argh.

I go back to my car and kind of sit there a minute in defeat...next to my stinky laundry (it's obviously mocking me at this point).

Ok, no problem. I've got a fancy phone, let's look up a laundry mat. There must be a laundry mat in Port Aransas. Closest one that my phone knows about....in CORPUS CHRISTI. That's like at least a 15-20 minute drive!!!! BAH!

Back to drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. Hmmm. At this point I'm kind of stumped. I'm close to the point of doing laundry in the ocean if I have to. I will prevail!!!!!!!!!!!!

I remember that there's a coke machine next to the laundry place. Maybe it will give me change! I throw my money in. Hit the return button...and...nothing. It also refuses to return my dollar. I go back to my car with a cold Diet Coke and 35 cents. I start figuring out how many diet cokes I'd have to buy to get enough quarters to wash and dry my clothes (it's 9 by the way, in case you're curious).

Unfortunately, I don't have 9 dollar bills.

By this time, it's getting later and the front office of the condo place has opened. I head there in complete defeat, hoping that they can help direct me to the nearest change machine, laundry mat, anything.

And what do you know...they give change. Lots and lots of QUARTERS! I could have slept in and saved myself about an hour of laundry adventure. Oh well. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Re-purposing!

2011-05-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

This week I've been attacking my house with renewed motivation and actually making progress - yay! Thanks to awesome conversations with organizational-minded friends, I started getting inspired to move things around and organize. In the process of all that, I also am purging tons of stuff!!

I took a glorious trip to The Container Store this week (I seriously could stay in the store all day) and got some great tools to create our new "Homeschool" center. Over the past weeks, just about every surface in our house was starting to get covered in some kind of educational item. It was not a pretty sight. My original idea for storage was not working and that meant things were just being left out for easy access (but not so easy on the eyes - MESS!).

I'm still in the process of creating this (there is definitely another trip to The Container Store in my future) but here is a sneak peak:

This is a vast improvement from what we had before! I originally had everything in a difficult to access cabinet and it was all fitting in like a jigsaw puzzle! You basically had to take 10 things out to get just to one item. Now they are all easily accessible and right next to the table where we do most of our work. The extra storage also means I can store Corbin's therapy toys as well!

What I love most of all is that I was able to re-purpose our old entertainment center. Now that TVs are such different styles, these cabinets are obsolete! And no one really wanted it when I tried several times to sell it on Craigslist. I love this cabinet - it's made so beautifully and is solid wood, but I just couldn't figure out what to do with it. I ended up just being a place for clutter to collect! Now it has a great purpose and is an awesome addition to our house.

Have any of you been re-purposing lately? I'd love to hear about any other recycled projects as my mind is moving more and more towards re-purposing instead of buying new!

Organizing My Ideas

2011-05-05T11:12:00.001-05:00

There are so many ideas out there for decorating, organizing, and crafting - especially if you're looking! I see lots of ideas I'd "love to try", but then just as quickly forget them because I literally come across dozens of them each day.

But, now that I'm focusing on home - I'd like to use some of these great ideas! Hmmm...but where did I see them? Bookmarks are helpful, but can become chaotic quickly if you are keeping track of a lot. That's where Pinterest comes in!

In March, I read about this on My Sewcial Hour and was hooked! Pinterest allows you to "pin" items to your bulletin boards and helps you save ideas you see online. I've been "pinning" away ever since I joined, but now I am getting even more focused on saving ideas for my home! You can see my pins and all the ideas I'm saving up here!

I know when I started, there was a bit of a wait to join if you just went and signed up, I'm not sure if that's the case anymore, but I can invite you as well if you're interested in joining! I've had so much fun with this site and it's really helped me to focus on home and even implement some of the ideas I've "pinned"!

Wanna join me??

Spring Makeover

2011-05-04T14:54:00.000-05:00

I'm in the mood for a little spring makeover - for my house! Anyone else getting the house blahs? My initial solution to Mark is always - let's move! Haha. Yet, somehow he never agrees with that one.

I haven't really ever worked on our house to make it home - you know like decorate, organize, and such. Sure, I've started, bought a couple things here and there, but never finished! Like I've mentioned - I get easily distracted.

I'm hoping that posting progress on here will help motivate me and stir me to continue on - even when I feel overwhelmed. I might even need some opinions as I move along!

Are you up for this ride? Cause seriously - I have an entire house that needs some TLC.

Schedule vs. Routine

2011-04-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

Oh cleaning - it is a challenge. It's one that I'm trying to wade through and slowly finding some success on.

You see, I'm a rebel. I hate lists. And the minute I make myself "schedule" I instantly have to break it. Yes, I'm very mature. I don't know why I'm like this. But there, I admit it.

So how do I get my brain around this obviously defective thinking pattern?

Routines.

Routines are like covert schedules. They aren't written down, but somehow happen the same way each day all on their own. Regardless of whether they are a "good" or "bad" routine - they are hard to break out of. What if I could steer myself toward a "good" routine that helped me with some of my cleaning?

And that's how it started.

I already had lots of routines that I never even purposefully intended. For example:

In the mornings, I make both boys warm milk for breakfast. Every.single.morning. I didn't sit down and write this routine out, it just happened.
After outdoor play, the boys always get a bath. A natural consequence of their outside stench.
We always read a story to both boys before bed.
I sing the same song every night to Corbin.

We all have routines. They often come naturally, or after awhile "feel" so natural that we don't even think about them even more. So I've been working on a few more "routines" to help me out in the cleaning areas.

1. While the boys take a bath, I pick up and clean the bathroom. Instead of just hanging out and watching them play (completely bored), I now go through my routine of wiping down the sink and counter top, and removing clutter.

2. During that chaos hour (you know, around say 5pm) when I really need a break, I step outside for a couple minutes and clean out a few items from my car. This really helps cut down on the mess in my car. This is not a complete clean out, but a quick trash pickup and carry in a couple items back to the house.

3. Every morning while the boys eat breakfast, I "refresh" the dryer and throw in another load of clothes into the washer. I also put the dishes in the dishwasher away and fill it up again.

I'm starting small, but just getting into these few routines has really helped. I'm really not at the point where I can completely "revamp" my cleaning, and I'm not really the kind of person that does well with lists or schedules. But I figure I can train myself to form some new routines - and that works for me!

What do you prefer - routines or lists/schedules? Do you have any routines that work for you?

Information Overload

2011-04-29T10:00:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I wrote about my need for focus. My staggering library of books is one such area that could use some focus. Lately, I feel overwhelmed with information. Again, most of it is useful and good information - but just too much of it. Links on facebook, blog posts, articles, and my enormous stack of books on my nightstand scream out to me daily. I feel rushed to absorb all the information I can.

Of course, in the end, that means I generally absorb nothing at all.

What would it be like to be on a deserted island with just one or two books? To squeeze every last drop of usefulness or enjoyment out of a book? At present rate, I skim through and hardly process what I'm reading. I quickly make a mental note of "that was good to know" and just as quickly forget what I learned all together. And I rarely, if ever, apply it to my life.

How much is enough?

I'm at a stopping point with information these days. My brain is full. I have a library full of wonderful books that I've barely brushed the surface on or haven't even read.

I want to sit down and read.

I want to soak up a book from cover to cover, and then read it again.

I want to meditate on what it means for my life and if I like it, put it into practice.

And I really think I need to stop buying/borrowing books for awhile. ;)

How about you? Are you feeling the information overload?

Keeping In Focus

2011-04-28T14:49:00.001-05:00

I took a small blogging break, but now I'm back! It's healthy to take breaks. I'm learning that, haha. Lately, my mind has been trying to grasp the idea of focus. Honestly, this is a really difficult area for me. I am so easily distracted and thrown off. I jump onto new ideas and challenges on a whim. I over commit myself.

And while I'm a lover of trying new things, there is something to be said about focusing on a task to completion or proficiency. So, I am working really hard on keeping my focus. And, oh boy, is it hard. Just today, I was reading a great post about a new cleaning challenge and was two seconds away from joining! Whoa there! Why am I taking on something else? I'm not even doing those things I already have on my plate!

There are just so many great things out there! They are all most certainly good and helpful things - but I cannot possibly do ALL of them - and that is my downfall. I want to do everything! If it's good or helpful, I want to do it! But that just leaves me half-finished with about a million different projects, challenges, or goals. :(

I think my 2010 word of Simplify still lingers on in my heart. I desperately know that I do need to simplify...or crash and burn.

And I need to be gentle with myself. I am not going to finish all my "undone" projects overnight or instantly modify or form good and beneficial habits.

Time. Patience. Gentleness.

How do you keep balance and focus in your life?

Evening Pickup

2011-04-18T19:01:00.001-05:00

It's the same every night - the evening "pick up". You know, that last final effort to make the house livable "looking" before Mark gets home. Two little boys can do a lot of damage in a days time (despite the fact that I clean not only before Mark gets home, but during naptime, and when we all go to bed at night, HA!). Usually, I kind of trudge through this daily (hourly) task. Today was a bit different. I saw each little item for the blessing it was.

Rain boots scattered about the front hall - two little boys at play with their "big boy" boots on
Muddy crocs tossed near the door - happy little muddy feet coming in from a day's adventure of water and mud
Baby wipes - Thank God we're not running low of those, we go through them like water around here
Outgrown shoes in the "shoe bin" - my little boys are growing
Unflushed toilet - Praise God for potty training! Hard work does pay off.
Couch pillows and throw blanket tossed about - Boys (and mama) who love to curl up on the couch in the afternoons
Empty cans and dirty mixing bowls - Another yummy dinner cooking in the oven
Sink full of dirty dishes - A days worth of fully bellies
Baby toys still in the living room (which the "big boys" are still playing with) - Remnants of sweet baby company this morning
Dryer buzzing - Another load of warm, clean laundry ready for the week's wear
Another mess beginning right behind me as I clean up - Two happy little boys, what more could I ask for?

Home Management Notebook

2011-04-15T10:00:00.001-05:00

Several weeks ago, I mentioned that I'd always wanted to tackle a "Home Management Notebook". I originally had read about this a few years ago, but never seemed to go farther than digging a binder out of my closet, loading it with paper, and making one "To Do" list.

Just the name of this thing "Home Management Notebook" sounds a little intimidating. And there are so many different formats and examples out there. Which one is best? What will work for me? Most of the formats were a little overwhelming for me or they didn't pertain to what was needed in my household.

And then, it happened. It happened without effort really! A friend asked me if I had actually worked on the home management notebook, and I realized that without even meaning to - I had made myself a home management notebook! (Seriously, let's call it HMN from now on, because this is getting ridiculous).

So here is my version of the HMN and my "take-aways" on some lessons I've learned.

Start Small

It all started with an impulse buy at Target:

Truth be told, I was really looking for yet another journal. But this time...this time I would really write in it!! That's what I always tell myself.

There was just something about the layout of this binder. It really overcame many of the obstacles and annoyances of the average journal and binder combined. The feel of a spiral notebook, yet the freedom of a binder to pull and add.

And that's how my HMN started. It started with small aspirations - just a journal.

Notice that I didn't immediately label each tab with the section or need I "thought" should be in there. I started with my most immediate need - a journal. A place to record and process my day. My journal has become my jumping off point for just about every other area of my HMN because it's here I process what my needs are and then those needs are translated to the rest of my life.

For me, it makes a lot of sense to have my journal in my HMN.

Think Practically

At this point in the game, I didn't even know I was creating a HMN. And then, I signed up for E-Mealz. Basically, each week you get two pages to print out. One page with a list of the meals for the week and how to prepare them, and another page with a shopping list. I plan on reusing these recipes and lists when my subscription runs out so I wanted a way to store them but also protect them from getting ruined while cooking or at the grocery store.

Page protectors were the solution. I put the two pages back to back and had an instant meal plan within the confines of one page! It was so nice to have it all together in one place and not getting crumpled around in my purse or covered in grease while cooking. And since it was in a page protector, it fit perfectly in my new binder. What a great place to keep each weeks menus! And that is how the next tab in my HMN came along - Meals.

One of the big keys for me here is that it is practical. I can easily turn my spiral binder to this page and cook. I don't have to worry about ruining the pages and it's very handy to have it all in one spot. After grocery shopping, I also tuck the receipt on the other side with the grocery list so I can compare weeks and prices later. I have a six month subscription to E-mealz and my plan is to have a nice selection of meals and grocery lists to pull from at the end of that time. I also make a note on each meal so I can remember which ones we liked and which ones I can scrap!

Be Flexible

Once I started seeing the benefits of keeping everything I needed at my fingertips, I thought of other areas of my life that could be improved by using my HMN. The next logical tab was for Hayden's Preschool lesson plans, schedule, and worksheets. I have a rather large binder of Hayden's lesson plans and activities for the whole year - it is about 3 inches thick! It's very heavy and time-consuming to sort through and it was making homeschool more difficult than it had to be. I took a Saturday night to pull out all the lesson plans, worksheets, and other needs for the upcoming week and put them all together in my HMN. I also sat down and wrote out a rough schedule for each day.

This made life so much easier! Less digging around for papers and pulling out the BIG binder every time I wanted to check something.

Having a schedule was helpful, but we most certainly did not stick to it most days. The schedule was my guide, not my master. If I felt a trip to the library was better than a worksheet or other play activity, then that's what we did. Being flexible, not only in homeschool, but with myself is so important.

I think flexibility is also important for your HMN. If something is not working - get rid of it!! If you make a schedule - for school or cleaning or whatever - and it doesn't work - change it! This stuff is not written is stone. After all it is my HMN.

A Work in Progress

One of the last sections I have worked on is the therapy strategies I get for Corbin. Each week we are given goals and suggestions to work on and I love having the week's ideas from all three of his therapists in one place. I can easily highlight the things I want to try and then come up with a schedule for implementing the strategies during the day.

There will be many more sections to my HMN - of that I am sure. It is a work in progress and will never be finished. My life is in constant flux, and I will continue to change and rearrange things to suit my needs. In the future, I can definitely see sections like children's ministry, a cleaning schedule, or an emergency information sheet for parents/babysitters. That's the beauty of this - it's my HMN, not some formula or one size fits all example. It really is just looking at my needs and trying to meet those needs the best I can. I also love that I have been able to go at my own pace, slowly morphing it into what's best for me. I have never been overwhelmed in this process - only excited and energized to finally have something that is working well for me!

If there is interest, I most certainly will write future posts on the changes and additions I've made along the way. I certainly have a lot of ideas for future stuff!

Do you have a HMN? If so, what do you put in yours? Or if you don't - what would you like to see in yours?

2011-04-14T10:00:00.001-05:00

Yes, my blog hasn't gotten much love this week.

We've been, um, busy.

I know, excuses, excuses.

I also was running low on blog inspiration.

Hormones?

But today, I was reminded that there might actually be interesting things in my life.

So I promise to blog them tomorrow.

Right now it's almost 1am.

Although, you won't get to read this until 10am.

Did you know I schedule my posts?

Well, you do now.

So enjoy your Thursday!

If the weather is even half as good as it was Wednesday, we're in for a real treat.

Did you get to go outside?

Cause it rocked.

We went to the park.

It was fun.

And then I realized I had a lot of sand stuck to my butt from sitting with the boys.

Of course, I didn't notice this until after I'd walked all over the park.

Oh well.

Doesn't even compare to the day I walked around church with a gummy bear stuck to my butt.

And no one noticed...or at least said anything to me.

Seriously guys?

Friends don't let friends walk around with gummy bears stuck to their butts!

Boys

2011-04-11T10:00:00.001-05:00

Occasionally, I wish that we had a girl.

You know, someone to share all the little girl things of my childhood with - that box that sits out in our garage just waiting.

And, of course, the clothes - the cute, precious clothes! Bows and ribbons, and frilly lace, all of that.

The dolls, tea parties, and dress up.

And then...there are days like Saturday, when I am beyond thrilled and excited that we have BOYS and I look forward to all the adventures ahead.

You see, this weekend I taught the boys the fine art of water gun and water balloon fighting.

And one day, I predict we will have all out WAR!

With strategies and alliances - and yes, I will no longer win - but that's ok.

One day there will be camping, and fishing trips for "just boys", and boy scouts.

There will be tree forts, mud pies, and adventures.

Hiking, knot tying, and swiss army knives.

One day my boys will be men.

And then the adventures really will begin.

Yippity Skippity, It's Friday

2011-04-08T10:00:00.001-05:00

Oh boy, it's Friday, and don't I know it! It couldn't have come soon enough.

I have fallen in love with my new notebook - Five Star Flex Hybrid NoteBinder. This thing rocks. It's a binder, but like no binder I've ever had. It folds like a spiral notebook, but opens like a ring binder. But the rings are made out of this flexible plastic stuff. It rocks my world. The dividers have pockets, plus pockets for index cards!! Woot. This is fast becoming my journal, sketchbook, menu planner, home management notebook, planner, basically everything.
E-Mealz rocks. Let me say it again...you must check it out. No, I most certainly do not get paid to say that. I learned about it from The Candid Pastor's Wife last month. Anything that plans my menu, generates my grocery list, AND plans meals on my Weight Watchers diet definitely has my vote. Today was my first day using it and I went grocery shopping tonight - love, love, love it. I'll let you know how the recipes turn out.
Speaking of grocery shopping...I don't know how people can spend their whole lives in the world and not understand common courtesies. While at HEB, I was unloading all the things from my cart when two women came up behind me and threw the divider down and put all their stuff onto the conveyor belt. Um, did I mention that I wasn't DONE unloading my cart??!! As the belt continued to move forward, I had NO room left to put anything down. Who does that?
These two same women proceed to tell the bagger to "Go Away, I want to bag my own groceries..." and had a conversation kind of like this, "I think I'm missing two of my kids. Am I missing two of my kids?"...Ok, what? If you have to ask...weird.
I found a new (well new to me) favorite wine - Sweet Bliss Red. Yum. It's a red wine, but it's a little sweet with hints of cherry and chocolate. It doesn't have a cork, so I was a little suspicious about the quality when I unscrewed the cap, but it was surprisingly good. Plus, it's at HEB, which just makes life simple, no extra trips.
Speaking of corks, I was proud that I at least checked if there was a cork, because last time we brought home a wine, I just assumed that it had a cork and started drilling into it. It was quite interesting when I discovered that there was a screw off cap (which now had a hole in it thanks to my enthusiasm).
On the ride home yesterday Hayden informed me that "My booty is scratchy. I think my poo-poos are tickling me". Today when Mark told Hayden "I'll see you later" he replied, "You'll see my underwear later!" He answers almost every question these days with his own made up word, "Biggle!". No idea what that means. At lunch, Hayden embarrassed me by pointing out the guy next to us and saying "That big guy is going to eat me!" You never know what will come out of his mouth next. I pray that those of you that don't have kids never take what they say out in public to you seriously - they obviously have NO idea with their talking about. I hope that poor guy did NOT hear Hayden's ridiculous remarks.

Have a great weekend!

Happy Wednesday

2011-04-06T10:00:00.001-05:00

Corbin's always had his own style.

Easter Sensory Fun!

2011-04-05T10:00:00.001-05:00

Last week I put this little sensory bin activity together and our occupational therapist loved it. So I thought I'd share here. Regardless of where your child is on the spectrum of development, sensory play is a vital part of their experience so this is a great activity for any child.

To make this you will need:

Medium or large size bin - I used an old pretzel tub.
Different sizes and textures of easter basket grass - all of these I had saved from previous Easters, I just tuck them into a ziplock bag and store for next year. It saves me from just buying and throwing out the grass each year. I hate wasting both money and materials like that!
Plastic easter eggs - the kind that open. All sizes and colors work well and add more dimension to this. Again, I save these each year.
Treats for inside the eggs. I used goldfish, small toy planes, and plastic counting bears.

Essentially, this bin was absolutely FREE to make, which I love.

Fill the tub with the different layers of grass. Add treats to the inside of each easter egg - I filled around 20-30 eggs. Hide the eggs in the tub between the layers of grass.

Let them dig out the eggs, open them and enjoy!

This hits sensory and fine motor skills quite well.

Charms for China

2011-04-04T14:14:00.001-05:00

A sweet friend of mine is on an adoption journey right now to bring a little girl from China into their forever family. To help raise funds, she has started making and selling these adorable necklaces in her Etsy Shop - Charms for China.

Adoption is certainly near and dear to my heart (as I was adopted by my wonderful father) - if God has that plan for our family I would certainly hop right on board!

If you have a heart for adoption, please check out her shop! Or if you just have a heart for necklaces, because they are super cute too, hehe. Besides what's in the shop, I believe she is also doing custom ones as well if you send her a message.

Awaken Me

2011-04-04T00:11:00.002-05:00

Money. Jobs. Approval. Fame. Respect. Validation. Pleasure. Looks. Weight. Kids. Family. Husband. Food. Parties. Drinking. Drugs.

Meetings. Traffic. Birthdays. Holidays. Picnics. Promotions. Vacations. Nap time. TV. Internet. Games.

Good times. Quality time. Bucket List. American Dream. Retirement. Security.

Wake Up. Make Breakfast. Get Dress. Clean House. Do Dishes. Do Laundry. Make Lunch. Do Dishes. Do Laundry. Clean House. Watch TV. Make Dinner. Do Dishes. Do Laundry. Watch TV. Sleep. Wake Up...

These are the things of life, but these things are not life. Down deep, I know that this is not the purpose of life. The endless cycle of days or the pursuit of the next mountain to climb is so meaningless. The "What's Next?" mentality is not working anymore. When I was 6 and still had a lifetime of "what next" events (college, job, marriage, kids, etc) it sounded right, but after knocking a few of these things off my list, I'm left with an aching feeling that I rushed through my list a little quickly. Not that the timeline matters, but that I missed important connections along the way. I had my "eye on the prize", but was not awake in my everyday minutes. To get that time back...

It's gone.

But this moment, right now, is not. It's here and I'm in it. I'm in it and I'm connecting, relating, and reaching...to you.

I don't want life to just happen to me, I want to be in it and living with intent. I was made with a purpose and God has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. He has a plan for everyone. We are not a mistake. We are not an accident. Our lives are not a string of unrelated and random events.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed. ~Psalm 139:13-16

We were made to glorify Him. My whole life I always thought - what does that even mean? Glorify - such a stuffy word. One of those lofty and high words that the meaning always becomes too elusive when you really try to nail it down.

All of creation is screaming the glory of God. The breathtaking sunset. The amazing complexities of DNA. The interconnectedness of the earth's systems. The presence of love in this world. Love. And us - men and women - God can be glorified in us. Yes, there is a Creator, a Savior, there is Love in this world. We can express it too - amazing strength in weakness, compassion's roots growing in our damaged hearts, the nastiest parts of our lives redeemed, and beauty in this life of decay.

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lift it up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome

Friday Thoughts

2011-04-01T10:06:00.000-05:00

Well it looks like I'll be solo for our church retreat this weekend. Hayden is definitely sick, and Corbin looks to be joining in the "fun" too. Just colds, but enough to keep them home.
I know without a doubt that I have the best husband in the world. Despite his usual awesomeness, he is making the big sacrifice to stay home with two little boys instead of going to the retreat.
I won't deny that even though I am really sad about our whole family not going, I am breathing a little sigh of relief not having to worry about Hayden and peanuts this weekend. I have a lot of anxiety whenever we are in new and unknown food situations (even if I may not show it always), and not having to worry about that takes a great weight off my shoulders. Obviously, going to a camp and being completely clueless about what and how they will prepare for meals definitely drives up the anxiety a notch.
This will definitely be one of those "Let Go" moments this weekend, as everything I had envisioned about the weekend has completely changed, HA! As hubby will tell you, I don't like my plans changing at the last minute - so this will be good practice in following God's will not mine. He obviously has different plans for me this weekend.
Hubby is definitely racking up points for Guys Night Out (Hint, hint...go plan something for Sunday night Babe!!).
Don't worry, I will embrace every second of my kiddo-free weekend. This will actually be the longest amount of time I've ever been away from either of them. My only other times away were the two women's retreats, but they were only one night!! Hmmmm, maybe a little break is a good idea.
Now that Hayden is four, we've instituted some "quarantine" practices that I hope will limit the spread of germs here at home. Our new rule is that the sick person must lay down on the couch and not move about the house! Thank goodness at least one of them is at the age where this is even possible - Corbin would never sit still that long. I loved this idea from Like Mother, Like Daughter and have made it a new house tradition!

For those of you heading to retreat - see ya soon!

For my hubby - I love you so much and will miss you tons!!

For everyone else:

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

The Other Side of the Fence

2011-03-31T15:03:00.001-05:00

It's amazing how life can mold and change you in astonishing ways. It can open up your perspective and attitude in an instant, changing your very opinions. Circumstances of life do this.

Years ago I remember being shocked and annoyed when I heard that schools were removing peanuts from lunches and banning any peanut products from the school grounds. Peanuts?! I grew up eating a PB&J sandwich every day in my lunch for school. I love peanuts!

In my narrow perspective, I didn't understand why the rest of the kids had to "suffer" because there might be a kid with an allergy. And I scoffed in my mind what they defined as an "allergy". I had definitely known people who used the term loosely describing anything from "feeling funny" to indigestion to full blown anaphylaxis.

So, of course, God threw me a curve ball. My child is allergic to peanuts. On the RAST scale (a diagnostic blood test), he scores a 5 out of 6. That means Hayden's body produces a very high level of allergen specific IgE (anitbodies to a specific allergen, in his case peanuts). And in the real world - not a blood test - we have seen this in action several times.

Let me put this as clearly as possible:

My son is severely allergic to peanuts.

After just one (ONE) Reese's Pieces as a baby he broke out into hives.

After just one bite of a peanut butter cracker last year, I had to take him to the hospital. He was vomiting everything he drank/ate up (including the benedryl which he needed) and his entire body was covered in hives.

This weekend after church, his entire neck was covered in hives - and he didn't eat anything known to have peanuts in it. We can only assume what we ate for lunch or something else he consumed had been contaminated with peanuts. Whatever it was, it was only trace amounts, yet still he reacted to it.

I have a confession to make:

I live in fear every day.

As Hayden gets older, he is exposed to more and more opportunities to accidentally ingest peanuts. Even in situations that I have felt he was safe, there have been "slips".

This kind of "slip" is not an oops. It could mean that my son might die.

He is aware of his allergy, but he is also four. And he trusts that what you serve him is ok to eat - although now we have gotten him to the point of always asking if something has peanuts in it. (He even asks me! As if I would give him peanuts, HA!). But there is also a certain ignorance about what does and does not have peanuts in it. Many products, although they do not directly have nuts in them, are made right along side peanuts and the manufactures admit (right on the package now) that they may have peanuts in them.

And in other situations, people simply "forget". Hayden attended an AWANA Christmas event where they could "buy" treats with their AWANA dollars - and Hayden came home with a candy cane filled with REESE'S PIECES. My heart dropped. What if he had opened this before I saw it? This was not a parent-involved event. I wasn't there. They had assured me at the beginning of the year that they served no peanut-foods. His allergy is clearly indicated on his enrollment. He was wearing his medical bracelet indicating his allergy.

Their response? We can't watch every kid.

He's four. What am I supposed to do? Not let him be involved in anything?

They said I could stay and help him next time. And yes, I gladly would have...if I had known that the environment wasn't safe! I had trusted in their promise of no peanuts.

My next confession:

I trust no one any longer with the safety of my son.

Not to say I don't let Hayden join in activities. I most certainly do. But I'm the parent pestering each time about what they are serving for snack, what they are doing, if food is involved, if other kids have food, etc. I'm the one bring up allergies in meetings for ministry and over emphasizing care and responsibility for allergies. I know I come off as a nut sometimes.

But don't you see I have to? What if I didn't? What if there was one time that I forgot?

My last confession:

I do my part and let God do His.

My part is being an advocate for allergies. And not just my son's but all allergies. If we serve something at church, I'm there to think through the allergens and post what we're serving so the parents can approve it. I rummage through the snacks for special events. I ask to remove peanut products. I'm annoying I'm sure, but I do what I need to do to keep Hayden safe - to keep them all safe.

And God takes care of my son from that point on. Yes, I had been assured his AWANA program was peanut free. I did my part. But God kept Hayden from opening that candy. He watches over him when I can't. And I trust Him.

So please excuse me if I get a little crazy at snack time, ask to see the packaging, or want to know what's being served - these are the things I must do. My hope is that I can build a little awareness about the subject and this knowledge can help us keep all our kids safe and maybe one day help with the fear that we as parents have to live with because of allergies.

Sneaking in Some Fun

2011-03-29T10:00:00.000-05:00

So, as you can imagine, homeschooling a 4 year old with a 2 year old running around can be a challenge. Some days we have to sneak out during nap time to have our fun. It's a special time for just Hayden and I to be silly without worrying about what Corbin is up to!

Yesterday, we worked on sequencing and drawing out the days events on his very own "crown".

He ran over to the mirror and wanted to see his crown!

Which, of course, turned into - take my picture!!

And, make silly faces Mama!

And then, make a mad faces Mama!

How could I resist that?

A Journey

2011-03-28T10:00:00.001-05:00

Last week cracked open a piece of me that I had forgotten was even there. It's amazing how you can forget who you are in the busyness of life. You can stop growing, learning, and creating. You just start surviving.

It's only been week one of our homeschooling journey, and yet what a week it was. My approach is not just directing, but diving all in with Hayden in this voyage of learning. I'm learning and creating right along with him and I love looking at it all through the lens of his complete awe of life.

One of the many activities we did this week was a collage. I wanted to give him an example of a collage and thought I remembered an old one I had made up in my art stash. As I was digging through all of it, I was coming across piece after piece of my own art and sketches - and they felt foreign to me. As if I was looking at a stranger's work and not my own. It made me stop and think...Who am I now, and where did I go?

Am I really so busy that I don't have time for the passions in my life? I have time for things like books, TV, and Facebook. Or am I busy trying to be someone that I'm not? Or my idea of who I am?

I need to just be. Be me.

So I sat down with Hayden, and while he made his farm collage - I let my inner artist loose for a minute and remembered a bit of who I am.

Friday Thoughts

2011-03-25T10:00:00.001-05:00

I have found my new favorite Etsy shop! Right up my alley.
Stephanie over at The Candid Pastor's Wife convinced me to sign up for E-Mealz. Check out her awesome post as well as a code for 15% off! I chose the Weight Watchers version of the meal plans and I can't wait to try them out.
So I've made more baby steps in The Quilt Along. Many, many eons ago we were tasks with ironing and cutting. As you know, previous to this, my only progress was picking out my fabric. Now I'm proud to say I've washed one of the fabrics I'm using. Baby steps. Maybe next week I'll iron it! ;)
Yesterday was one of those crrrrazy days where I just wanted to scream and crawl under a rock. So I packed up the kids and headed to the YMCA. It's days like this that I'm so thankful that I have the blessing of a membership there. Free childcare rocks. Okay, we'll technically it's not free since we pay for the membership, but still, it's on demand and makes days like today survivable.
I also love that I took my frustrations, hormones, and mental issues to the gym instead of my fridge. Ok, well first I took them to the fridge, and then I worked them off at the gym, but whatever.
After the Y, we went to McDs for dinner and as I was being crawled all over by Corbin I looked over at another poor soul who also seemed to be have "one of those days", but with 6 kids instead of two. Regardless, I still felt sorry for myself. My hormones don't allow empathy.
Can we say an Amen for Friday?

Happy Freakin Friday!

Wedded Wednesday

2011-03-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

I remember back when Hubby and I were dating there were times when I just wanted to be near him. And it didn't matter what I needed to do to be with him, I would do it. Walk across campus? Sure. Walk across two campuses (we didn't go to the same college!)? Sure. Raining? That's what umbrellas are for, right?

And sure, eleven years later I still want to be near him - but do I really go out of my way to do that? Not always.

Except for Friday. I knew he had to work late, blech. I knew I missed him. I knew I was pretty lonely at the house. And all I wanted was to be near him. So what was I going to do about that?

I dressed the kids.

I packed a picnic. (I love how that's only 4 words typed out - seems simple enough - but the activity seriously took me at least 30 minutes!)

I loaded the kids in the car.

I drove to his office.

We surprised him! (After work, of course. I doubt this would have the same reaction if you showed up at say 1pm).

And hubby and I sipped cold beer as the sun set and the kids ran wild in the grass.

What are you willing to do to be near him?

At The Farm

2011-03-22T10:00:00.001-05:00

I mentioned last week that we are homeschooling the boys. I've been looking forward to getting all our materials for a couple months. At last they are here! So I guess this is our first "official" week. I took a bit of time and made a wall sized mural for the background of our farm. As we learn about each part of the farm, we'll add it to our mural:

Of course, instead of opting for a true mural, I decided butcher paper would be just as good (and easier to change). Hayden will get to make the barn, silo, equipment, and animals to add to it.

We also put up a new calendar that Hayden has been loving so far. It's all Velcro-affixed. Each day he gets to change the date, weather, day of the week (he picks out today, yesterday, tomorrow), and once a month he gets to set the whole thing up for the next month. We've had a lot of fun with it each day. He especially looks forward to "forecasting" the weather.

Friday we worked on spelling his name and he picked it up in about 2 minutes. We "quizzed" him out of the blue on Sunday and he nailed it again. Makes me glad I didn't try to force this "knowledge" on him earlier - clearly he's was ready to learn it now and it showed. From an early age, Hayden has shown me that he doesn't "do tricks" and learning neat little pieces of knowledge to impress the grandparents has not been an interest of his, haha. I have learned to embrace that willingly and let him go at his pace. Just one of a million reasons we've chosen this path.

Spring

2011-03-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

What better way to celebrate the anticipation of Spring than a trip to The Natural Gardener?

All of God's blessings were waiting to be unwrapped and appreciated.

If you live in Austin, I highly recommend a trip here.

Thanks go to Erin for recommending it!

Friday Quicktakes

2011-03-18T12:00:00.001-05:00

Check out other quicktakes on Conversion Diary!

Last week Hayden got to race his car in the AWANA Derby. I'm proud to say he placed second!! He got his first trophy ever and has now surpassed his mom in lifetime achievements (I've never gotten a trophy for anything, HA!).
We had an awesome week with Mark's Mom in town for Spring Break. The kids got lots of grandma time, and Mark and I got two date nights! Woohoo!
Some of you may know that we decided to homeschool the boys. I've been anxiously awaiting all the books so we can begin, and we've just about gotten everything, yay!
Our first preschool theme is "At the Farm", so yesterday I spent the afternoon creating a wall-sized mural for the background of our farm. As the weeks progress we'll be adding the barn, silo, crops, and animals as we learn about them. The kids really love this!
I'm behind on most things with company here the last few days, but hopefully I can catch up on some of my projects like The Quilt Along, my hooping, and continue simplifying our house!
We've been doing Friday movie nights with The Fam and I'm looking forward to another tonight!! Any movie recommendations? Last night at RedBox we were really coming up short.
This weekend we'll be working on the garden again! Can't wait to post a few pics when we finish. I think we might head over to The Natural Gardener this weekend - it should be an awesome visit for the whole family!

Have a great weekend!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

Mark and Hayden

Corbin

We're Irish All Year Long!

Guy Time

2011-03-16T10:00:00.000-05:00

As a mother of two young preschoolers, I know well the benefits of "Girl's Night Out". Whether it's with just a friend, or a group of my girls - it's a much needed break and release from the pressures and stresses of motherhood (like wiping booties and cleaning up pee at the McDs playground - thanks Hayden!)

But guess what?

Guys need a night out too. And going to work doesn't count. Yes, yes, I know they actually get to leave the house and no one ever sits in their bathroom stall at work (I hope) and watches them pee, and they aren't forced to answer the same question fifty times (Is it "good morning" time yet momma? - No! Go back to bed!!). But, they do work hard all day and then often come home to a crazed and irritable wife and kids that are howling like banshees with a can of soup for dinner (or is that just our house? Hmmm...maybe so).

And if your husband is anything like mine - he may not even ask for it. Day in and day out, working, taking care of the man-stuff around the house, putting out the "domestic fires" - but never says a word about needing a little "guy time".

He does.

And he (you) will be so much happier for it. After a night out with "Da' Boys", I woke up to Hershey's Hugs and Kisses on my pillow with a thank you. If that doesn't say "I need a guys night out", I don't know what does.

So from now on baby, I promise that I won't forget - guys need nights out too! (By the way, you could use another night out!)

Reliving My Childhood

2011-03-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

I totally forgot how much fun Lincoln Logs were!

I also forgot how expensive they were too!

Which is why we bought generic Lincoln Logs at Ross, hehe.

It was the perfect addition for our story that week - The Three Little Pigs.

Corbin, of course, was The Wolf.

Hayden didn't really appreciate his "theatrics"
and ran off crying shortly after his house was "huffed and puffed".

Either way, I had a lot of fun. Which made me think:
If I'm not having fun with the toys I'm buying them,
I'm probably buying the wrong toys!
Because this was fun...really, really fun.

One Thousand Gifts

2011-03-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

Friday was hard. It was hard for about a dozen different reasons, but nevertheless, it was hard. I made it through somehow to nap time, and then I was left with my thoughts.

For a minute, I kind of just wandered around - not sure what to do. Should I eat my troubles away? No, that wasn't the answer. Should I throw on the TV? I just really didn't think distraction would cut it. It was so quiet in the house. The quiet felt good.

My soul was empty and I was needing a refueling somehow.

I walked outside. Outside is always good for me. It was a beautiful day. I did what I always do - check the mail. There's really not much else to do out there to "look busy". Otherwise, I'm just some strange homemaker standing out in her driveway.

And there it was - a little something for my soul - a package of books I'd been waiting and hoping for. It couldn't have come at a better time. In it was One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.

Over the months, I'd heard a lot about this book. But I'm not one (at all) to jump on the latest fad book bandwagon. But when it was recommended on this blog, I knew I had to pick it up.

And miracle of all miracles it came on this day. A day of tears. A day of sadness. A day of desperation.

It was only one o'clock, but I grabbed a wine glass, poured some plum wine and headed outside. I dragged my comfiest chair out onto my front porch and didn't really care what I looked like to the passerby.

I read the first chapter...I cried.

I kept reading.

Slowly, bit by bit, a weight seemed to lift off of my heart. The weight of my sorrows, of other's sorrows, of a broken world, slowly lifted until I felt like I could once again breathe.

One thousand gifts. What a picture. God's gifts in the everyday, in the common...in the sadness.

The real problem in life - in my life - is lack of thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks - take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks - and He miraculously makes it more than enough. I have beheld suds in the sun, and I have known miracles like that. ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

It is enough. What I have is enough. Who I am is enough.

There are gifts waiting to be unwrapped right where I am - I don't have to seek them out, they are there in front of me if only my eyes could see them for what they are - God's blessings.

The sunshine as I read.

The cool, crisp taste of the wine.

A conversation with a friend.

My favorite song comes on the radio.

Hearing the wind as I fall asleep.

The smell of popcorn filling the house.

The excitement of my boys in anticipation of movie night.

Relaxation from a hot shower.

It is enough and it is abundant - His gifts.

Friday Quicktakes!

2011-03-11T10:00:00.003-06:00

Here's another great post on saying "Yes" at Conversion Diary. More food for thought here! Although I have definitely been a "no" person - I was certainly a "yes" out of fear person! Neither of those is a healthy option.
I'm seriously considering getting Hayden one of these...his mid-lunch booty-wipe calls are getting old.
I got my hoop last week, and I'm happy to report that I have secret, hidden hooping skills! As a 10 year old, the hula hoop was not my friend - but as a wider-hipped, mother of two...I'm rockin it! Even Mark was impressed with my ability - woot!
I am, of course, behind on the Quilt Along - but I hope to remedy that a bit this weekend. But, hey - at least I picked out fabric!
Spring Break is next week! Now, this generally means nothing to me - as my kids aren't in school - but my MIL is coming to visit and I'm so excited! Yes, I love my mother-in-law. :)
I had to laugh at myself this week while I was typing up PreK activities for MissionALL (you're going, right Crossroaders?). I seriously looked up the rules for Duck, Duck, Goose just to make sure I remembered it right, HA! In case you're interested...you can find the rules here. It was more or less as I remembered it, hehe.
I'm thinking of buying a Bubble Machine - any suggestions? Otherwise, I'll be picking one at random from Amazon.

Have a great weekend!

Just Do It

2011-03-10T10:00:00.000-06:00

As I've mentioned before, I am in the process of simplifying and purging. As I was tackling Bin #3, I came across last year's planner and I froze. You see, last October my husband bought me a new phone and asked if I would switch from my paper calendar (which I loved) to the online Google calendar that I could share with him. I mean, yes, it makes perfect sense. I can update this calendar wherever I am (as long as I have my phone) and Mark can easily see what I'm doing that day if he needs to make appointments when I'm not there to give my input.

But...I really like writing things down and seeing them all written out. And it took me a long time to find a planner that really suited me and had enough space for all I wanted to jam into my day! Inputing it all in my phone just didn't give me the same satisfaction. Yet, because it really did seem illogical to continue my "paper ways", I reluctantly switched over. So here I am with my beloved paper planner in my hand reminiscing on the "good old days".

Can I throw it away? It held a whole year's worth of "life" in those pages. I've grappled with this decision several times over the last few months (since October really) and in the end I always decided to hold off on tossing it so I could be sure I got all the important dates (like birthdays) out of it and transplanted into my phone. I would tuck it away in some "pile" in my office or bedroom or wherever and forget about it.

I think it's time I dealt with it.

Something about sitting down and going through each page to get all the info I need out of it seemed daunting. I have so many other things to do, it seemed silly to waste 30 minutes on this task. Yet, by putting this off, I've continue to have "mental" and "physical" clutter over this thing!

I needed to just do it.

So, I finally sat down, opened up my planner, took my sentimental journey through 2010 and transfered anything important into google calendar. Honestly, it didn't take that long. It also wasn't as sentimental as I thought it would be (although there were still "memory lane" moments). And I had no issue throwing away my precious planner once I finished.

Why didn't I do this six months ago??

Date Night - Just Do It

2011-03-09T10:00:00.001-06:00

I have to say, that one of the single most important things that Hubby and I do is have a regular date night. And when we don't get out for awhile, I can definitely feel it. In the daily grind, you can get in the habit of relating to each other as roommates, parents, and servants instead of what you really are - lovers.

Conversations fall into one of these:

You wouldn't believe what Hayden did today! He totally peed in the McDs playscape. You need to talk to him about "Nature calls".

I think we should plant a garden, go to Lowes, buy plants from the nursery, clean the garage, blah blah.

I'm tired, cranky, (fill in the blank).

Pretty soon you're each doing your own things each night and only talking about home logistics and complaints! The smiles are few and far in between - and affection is running low! (By the way, who's doing the Kissing Experiment!?! I admit, I'm shamefully behind...I guess I'll just have to go maul Hubby and catch up...hehe)

And that's where Date Night comes to the rescue. I remember the first time we went out on a real date after the kids were born and it was like finding an old friend! We had completely forgotten how much fun we have together and why we're together in the first place! Oh yeah, I really love this guy!! (I do!).

So if you have kids - how do you do this?? Babysitter? If you can find one and can afford one, maybe. We're not always that lucky. But we have found a great solution that has been such a blessing to us:

Find another couple in your same season of child-life and trade babysitting! We actually do "couch-sitting", hehe. Meaning, we watch each other kids after they've already gone down for the night so really we're just chilling out on the sofa watching Netflix for the evening. We both get to have date nights without the cost and hassle of finding a paid babysitter! Plus, we never have to feel guilty about asking for babysitting because we both enjoy getting a date night. It's an awesome solution.

I bet if you ask around there is someone who desperately needs this same arrangement too! I actually started this with one friend (who ended up moving out of state), and then found another friend who thought it was a great idea too! I mean, seriously - who couldn't use another date night, free of charge?

Tackling Clutter

2011-03-08T10:00:00.002-06:00

It's no big secret that I've been on a Simplifying kick since 2010. And...apparently I'm a clutter bug. Not that I like clutter or anything. I just don't deal with clutter.

Something in my way? I just put it in a pile...out of the way.

Company coming over? Throw it in the closet...the office...our bedroom.

Junk mail? I'll shred it later.

Magazines? I'll read them...later.

Random part of something I'm not even sure if we own anymore? Put it in a drawer, I might need that one day (I never do...until the day after I throw it out of course, which is about 10 years later).

I think you get the picture.

This month I've gotten really serious about tackling the clutter. And not just in the main areas - but everywhere. My goal is to get the entire house in order. As in, everything has a place. No more "piles".

Honestly, I've never had that goal before.

Some tools that are helping me in this? Storage bins!!

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not justing throwing everything in bins. Haha. That would be too easy, and believe me I've already tried that...it doesn't actually solve the problem.

No, I'm taking a cue from the experts and cutting down on the running around and decision making process that gets me bogged down and limits my progress.

I have 4 bins and a trash bag.

Bin #1
Things that already have a place, but just need to be put away.

This bin is for items that I can quickly put away without having to "assign" a home to.

Bin #2
Paper

Paper is my enemy. There is just SO much of it. Junk mail, bills, flyers, coupons, Christmas cards...argh. And each piece I have to look at and think...Do I need to keep this? Do I want to keep this? Can I throw this away? Do I need to shred it first? Blech...makes me tired just thinking about it. So I made a big bin to dump all my papers in without having to make ANY of those decisions. Then, when I am refreshed and have time to do JUST paper sorting, I can pull the bin out and make some progress. By the way, this is a great activity to do while watching a movie or something.

Bin #3
Things that DON'T have a place.

As I'm sorting, I'm coming across a lot of items I just don't know what to do with. Keep it? Toss it? Donate it? And if I'm keeping it, where does it go? Again, I throw all those items in a bin and deal with it when I have more energy to tackle just that task.

Bin #4
Kids artwork

You wouldn't think that you'd need a bin just for that...but I do. The kids make LOTS of little crafty things at home, not including all the stuff they make at church and other activities. It's sentimental and can be difficult to sort through. I love being able to put it all together in one bin, and then go back later and deal with the decisions of what stays and what goes.

The trash bag.

Self explanatory. Anything that I can immediately judge that it can be thrown out, I toss. If I have to think about it, it goes in one of the other bins.

Once my bins are full, I stop my sorting for the day. If I still have energy, I tackle the bins in the following order:

1. Put things away that have a place - that's usually the easiest job because there's not much thinking involved. I already know quickly where each item goes and I just have to return it there.
2. Paper - I rummage through first and make decisions on what can be trashed. Then, I shred whatever needs shredding. If I have papers that can be filed, I file them. If I need to make a new file folder, I do that. If it's something I need to do - like pay a bill - I handle it right then.
3. Kids artwork - when it's all together in one place, it's easy to pick out the treasures from the scribbles. Any ones I don't absolutely love, I save for the relatives and let them have their pick of the kids "Masterpieces". Whatever doesn't get taken goes in the trash.
4. Finding homes. The hardest job for me, is deciding where things are going to "live". So I save that job for last. It's usually the most time and thought consuming.

I don't start another sorting session if any of my bins are totally full. That way I'm continually moving forward, but not getting "stuck" in the process.

I cannot tell you how much this system has helped me. I used to get frozen in the details of it all. Stressed by all the decisions. Running around from room to room trying to put things away. Piling things in other rooms because I hadn't yet decided where something goes, I just knew it went in that general vicinity. Ugh.

Now I'm making progress and feeling energized about it. I love that when I "quit" for the day, I'm not sitting in the middle of a pile of junk, but can quickly close the bins and stack them off to the side of the room. They aren't in the way and keep the room neat in the midst of de-cluttering.

I'd love to hear about your methods for decluttering! I'm no Martha Stewart or Flylady, that's for sure - but I love finding something that finally works for me!

A Family That Gardens Together...

2011-03-07T10:00:00.001-06:00

Another weekend of working on our garden!

Everyone got in on the action.

Dirt and gardening tools - a boy's paradise!

We believe in slave labor. ;)

While the boys worked in the garden...I hooped.

Friday's Inspirations!

2011-03-04T10:00:00.006-06:00

7 Quick Takes

Over the years I've heard a lot of recommendations to keep a Home Management Notebook. A Stranger in this Land brought that idea to me again and it is definitely something I know would be so helpful, but I've yet to do. Maybe this is something I can tackle slowly over time. Do any of you do this? I'd love to hear what you include in your notebook if you do!
Watching this video on Permaculture really piqued my interest in this subject. I'm definitely diving in deeper and seeing if I can translate a bit of this to our suburban yard and garden.
Hubby and I started building our raised beds last weekend for our garden this year. We had a lot of fun digging in the dirt!
Loving this site for picking out what varieties of veggies to grow in our garden this year.
The Zilker Kite Festival is this weekend. We've loved going each year! Anyone heading out for this? We're still undecided as it's on Sunday and that's a busy day for us. But here are some pictures from last year's adventure and 2008 (pre-Corbin, hehe)!
Are you doing the Quilt Along? I'm excited to begin! This week was picking out fabric. I finally decided on a few simple patterns with some solids. Man it was hard to choose!!!
I loved this guest post on Walk Slowly Live Wildly! In fact, I asked my hubby what his "two things" were and he's getting back to me on that after some deep thought. Have you ever asked this of your hubby? What were his two things?

A Day of Yes

2011-03-03T10:00:00.000-06:00

Inspired by this post, I decided to try a little experiment she called "A Day of Yes". My rules were simple, whatever the kids asked of me, I would say yes. The only exceptions being decisions that would affect their safety or lead them into disobedience. This day was not about ER visits or creating spoiled brats - so let's just get those comments/reactions off the table.

I learned a lot about myself in this experiment. First, I learned that I often say no out of convenience.

When Hayden asked to go to the park (which we were driving right by), my first reaction was no. Not because we didn't have time, but because it was overcast and looked like rain. I didn't "feel" like hauling the kids out and then chancing that we might all get wet and I'd have to wrestle them back into the car.

When Hayden asked to eat inside the restaurant instead of running through the drive-thru, my first reaction was no. I didn't want to deal with waiting in line and handling trays with two small kids.

In both cases, I corrected my "instant no" to a "yes" and we had quite an enjoyable afternoon that would have been missed because of my own laziness.

How many other opportunities am I missing out on because of my resistance to the unknown? Sure, it could have rained - but it only sprinkled. Eating in the restaurant could have been a nightmare, but it wasn't. Am I willing to take the risk or do I choose to do nothing because of the difficulties that might arise?

Second, I learned that I often say no without really thinking over the decision. My first reaction is always no. I'm not sure I like that. I caught myself saying no without hesitation all day. Most conversations that day went like this:

Hayden: Can we do X?
Me: No. I mean, umm, yes.

Before I even realized I'd said no, it was already out of my mouth! I think I am passing up great opportunities left and right because I have been a "No" person.

I don't want to be a "No" person. So this week I've been a Yes person - and that has made all the difference.

Yes, we can play at the park.

Yes, I will have a lunch date out with a friend.

Yes, I will learn to hoop.

Yes, I will learn to quilt.

Yes, we will plant a garden.

Yes, I will live my life!!

Mix Tapes

2011-03-02T10:00:00.002-06:00

Okay, I'm dating myself a bit here...but did you ever make mix tapes when you were a kid? You know, on a cassette, bonus points if it got recorded off the radio. What about mix tapes for your true love?

I dare you to try it. Of course, now it's called a CD, but whatever. On this weekend's date night I made my baby a mix tape. Woot!

Here were my selections (don't judge):

Gotta Have You - The Weepies
Eet - Regina Spektor
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Beauty in the World - Macy Gray
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root
Why Georgia - John Mayer
Mellow Mood - Slightly Stoopid
Sunrise - Norah Jones
Your Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer
Que Sera, Sera - Sly & The Family Stone
Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
Moondance - Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
Carbon Ribs - John Mark McMillian
This Time - Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Bolero - Maurice Ravel
Suffacated - Orianthi
Something Beautiful - Needtobreathe

Simplifying the Toys

2011-03-01T10:00:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I finally cracked. Went crazy might be a better description. I was just tired of it all. It seemed like 10 toys were getting broken A DAY and I was constantly tripping over something and there were little pieces of this or that everywhere!!! On Saturday, I finally lost it. I grabbed 3 big bins I had just bought for organizing our office and headed to their toys. I threw everything in there just so I could breathe!

If I felt that claustrophobic in that room, I'm sure they we're feeling just as crazy. In fact, I know they were because they were acting crazy. The toy chaos had gone too far. Reminded of what a peaceful environment could be - I started the task of simplifying their room.

It felt good - so good. I grabbed whole bins and buckets and just dumped them into the large bin I was collecting all their toys in. Finally, it was all safely contained in one corner of the room:

Then I pulled out a few good quality toys I know they like and left the rest to rot in those bins. Just kidding, my next step is to rummage through there and donate most of it. I will also rotate a few toys in and out as well.

But once I was done (about 2 hours later) something amazing happened. I looked over and my two "crazies" were doing this:

Coincidence? I think not. This scene alone spurs me on to continue in this process. Quality, not quantity.

Ever since then, cleanup has been a snap(like literally less than 2 minutes) and they've been completely content playing with the scaled down version of their room. Awesome!

New Parks

2011-02-28T10:00:00.003-06:00

I love taking the kids to discover new parks!

They don't have to be fancy or big.

A simple neighborhood park can be so much fun.

I often just drive around exploring our local areas for new and interesting parks to visit.

On my way to a friends house we spotted one and stopped in for a spur of the moment playtime.

We took turns being "monsters" and chasing each other around.

Corbin was having a clothing malfunction day and kept losing his pants.

Hayden was enjoying being a superhero - his fantasy of choice these days.

I enjoyed watching two brothers finally play with each other.

Friday Links!!

2011-02-25T10:00:00.001-06:00

7 Quick Takes!

One of my goals is to finally go through the boys massive toy pile and do a bit of simplification. Number one on my list? Reduce the plastic and noise-making electronic toys. I was inspired by this post on Bluebirdbaby. What an awesome play environment she has set up for her little one. I can't say our boys room is as peaceful - more like an over-stimulation nightmare! Look for posts in the future on my progress with this.
For over a year now, I've been reading about hooping on a lot of my favorite blogs. It looks SO fun, but a little intimidating too. I mean, I'm not the most coordinated girl on the block. But...I took the plunge and bought an adult hoop on Etsy. Should be coming this week!!! To say I'm excited is an understatement.
I loved this article at Apartment Therapy. I am definitely in the camp of my current house or "decorating style" does not fall in line with my "dream" home/style. Right now we have two small children who are messy and destructive. The furniture and home items I buy at this stage have to meet certain criteria - 1. They must not show stains. 2. It can't be easily broken, nicked, torn, or scratched. 3. It must withstand spilled beverages, food, jumping on and off, kicking, running into, and much more. My "ideal" home furnishings do not meet these criteria. Hence, our entire house is from IKEA - cheap, black finish, sturdy. It's good to remind myself that I will not always be in this season, and that one day my home will reflect my true self.
This recipe at A Stranger in this Land looks awesome!! I must add this to next weeks menu. My favorite part about it is that there are no strange or expensive ingredients. I hate those recipes with a list a mile long of ingredients you know you may never use again.
Oh my, this perpetual calendar looks so fun - and I'd love to make something like this. I was so inspired, I even bought a wood burning tool! I had a lot of fun last night playing with all the different tips and making funs scripty letters! I'm going to spend a bit of time learning and then tackle this project! Definitely will put up posts as I go.
This was an interesting post on Art vs. Craft. There can be a bit of snobbery around what is art or craft. I happen to think each are wonderful in their own unique ways - and I love both!
Two new books I ordered came in this week and I am beyond excited to read them! Just getting one of these books has been an ordeal in itself! I have never had trouble with the used book sellers on Amazon - but last week I had TWO snafus with two different sellers one right after the other! I will save that story for a post - but let's just say I was glad to finally have my books in my hands! I got Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder from Paperback Swap. If you haven't tried this site it is awesome. Basically, you swap books for free with other members, just paying the cost of shipping the book. As you send books to others, you earn credits to "buy" books. Fun, fun! And then my Home Education: Training and Educating Children Under Nine (Homeschooler Series) book finally came in from Amazon.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Quilt Along!

2011-02-24T10:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, I might be a complete nut, but I am going to try My Sewcial Hour's Quilt Along!!

I don't actually have any "quilting" skill...

But what I lack in experience and talent, I will make up in extreme effort.

Time to go through my very small fabric stash and see what I have to work with!

And I'm sure there will be a trip to JoAnns too.

Decisions, decisions!

Wanna quilt along??

Don't Forget to Have Fun

2011-02-23T10:00:00.000-06:00

People often say that "Marriage is work." And I've heard "Parenting is hard work." And of course, "Life is hard". Seems like almost everything these days can be classified as difficult or some kind of mountain to climb.

If we're not careful, we can get caught in the mentality of just drudging through each day - our goal simply being...survival.

And don't know about you, but survival doesn't rank high on my life purpose meter. I don't want to simply survive life, I want to live it. Preferably, I'd like to enjoy it.

When was the last time you did something enjoyable with your husband?

Why not pull out some games and have an old fashioned game night. And no, I'm not suggesting playing Elefun with the kids. I'm talking just you and your hubby playing some of your favorite games.

This weekend Mark and I pulled out a card game after the kids went to bed. And you know what?

It was fun.

We laughed. We joked. We enjoyed each other.

We didn't talk about the kids, or the bills, or the next home improvement project.

I wasn't complaining or nagging...much. (I'm sorry but spending 5 minutes each turn for "strategy" thinking is a bit much).

And he wasn't falling asleep...until the end, hehe.

All in all, it was a great night! So much so, we did it again the next day. :)

Recovery Mode

2011-02-22T10:00:00.001-06:00

So...I'm still in recovery mode. A whole week of sickness will cause that. The house is in dire need of a good scrubbing - crackers crumbs and sticky spots litter the tile floors. On top of that I have an itch to simplify and purge our stuff - which means we have bins of half sorted stuff everywhere. And on top of that is the week that every woman dreads. Of course it would be the week after I get the flu! Perfect timing!

Therefore, I'm sipping my raspberry leaf tea and trying not to feel overwhelmed and emotional - like the crazy person I know I am.

Why is it, that as soon as I start to make some progress in this homemaking thing, life happens? Will I ever fall into a fluid and natural routine - or will every month or so be a "regrouping" of sorts? I'm tired of goals and plans and 10 steps to a better whatever. Surely, I can finally finish something around here?? With my two little tornadoes, life feels pretty cyclical these days.

Although, sometimes when I step back I can seem some glimmer of progress:

Hayden is in fact potty trained, and has been since last summer. I made it!
Corbin has progressed out of the high chair and has been eating dinner at the table for a few months now.
Both boys now enjoy our daily book time and can sit still for a story - even one that's a bit over their heads.
Hayden can dress himself from the waist down - shirts still are his worst enemy
Corbin has mastered taking his dishes to the sink - and in fact demands to do this each day by himself.
Hayden can wash his hands in the bathroom without assistance
Hayden can go on a walk with me and obediently follow my instructions
I did sort through my clothes and purged everything that didn't fit - much to my dismay when I lost 20 lbs.
I purged my kitchen of items we don't use regularly and honestly haven't missed a thing
I've resisted the urge to buy any more "decorative" stuff for the house
I've been working out regularly 2-3 times a week since the end of October.
I've lost 20 lbs.
My arms no longer have wings.
Hayden graduated from his PPCD speech class and is no longer classified as having a disability
Corbin is nearing the end of the physical therapy portion of ECI.

So even though my list of "un-done's" is about a mile long - I haven't completely been at a standstill. I just need to remind myself of that on nights like these when it all seems insurmountable!

Venturing Out

2011-02-21T10:00:00.001-06:00

Last week was our first nature walk of the year.
Weather and sickness has kept us from venturing out, but finally,
both were cooperating for a much needed outdoor break.

We collected our "treasures" - leaves, acorns, sticks, rocks, and dandelions.

We went on a Bear Hunt:

We're going on a bear hunt.

We're going to catch a big one.

What a beautiful day!

We're not scared.

And when the clouds came out, we quoted our favorite Winnie the Pooh lines:

Tut tut! It looks like rain!

We pretended to be super heros:

Hayden: I'm a super hero!
Me: Oh yeah? Do you have any super powers?
Hayden: Yes!
Me: What are they?
Hayden: I help people. And I get other people in trouble. And I get cats and dogs out of trees!
Me: That sounds like a pretty good super power to me.
Hayden: Yup, it is.

We ran like the wind! (According to Hayden)

And then we all went home for lunch and a nap (my favorite!).

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Links

2011-02-18T10:00:00.003-06:00

Ala 7 quick takes style:

I loved this post I ran across on blog perception vs. reality. I laughed hard at several of her examples, as I find myself guilty of some of them (i.e. straightening up the background of a picture, haha). Don't take what you see as pure reality folks. Not many people are going to show you their dirty laundry piles. And when I have those great Ah-ha! moments during difficult circumstances, believe me - I was wallowing in it a bit first. I do some of my best contemplating when I'm wallowing in self-pity. ;)
Once I get my house back in order from The Plague of 2011, I definitely want to make one of these - how adorable! My Sewcial Hour has me thinking that I can sew or something, so we'll see - I will definitely be posting pics of any completed...or not so completed...projects.
Last week I posted my thoughts on my issues with admitting fault, and I was directed by Tamra to check out this article - almost a response of sorts to my open ended question!
This week at AWANA, Mark and Hayden are working on his Derby Car. We had fun this weekend checking out all the cool design options like this, and this.
Walk Slowly, Live Wildly had some great thoughts on homemaking that I can certainly relate too. She also sent her readers over here, for thoughts on finding comfort in the cyclical nature of our tasks - which I must confess there is comfort there, despite my complaining.
I've been enjoying this cute site for finding out which foods are currently in season - which means fresher, cheaper and often more local produce for my family!
After being quarantined in our house for over a week, I'm feeling the itch to simplify!!! This post really gave me a starting place for some of my most productive simplifications and tips for how to keep things simple after you've purged! I, myself, have implemented a give-away box (instead of a drawer) that I fill daily with "finds" from around the house. It's one of the best "tools" I've got for working on my clutter problem.

Have a great weekend!!!

Oh Christmas Toothbrush

2011-02-17T10:00:00.000-06:00

Something you never want to see when you walk into the bathroom....

Hayden banging my toothbrush around the toilet while singing Oh Christmas Tree.

First thoughts that come to my mind:

1. Is this a new "game" or has he been doing this before today?
2. Do I have another toothbrush in the house?
3. Why is he singing "Oh Christmas Tree"?

Notice how Mark wisely put his toothbrush out of reach...mine, clearly, is in enemy territory.

Male and Female He Created Them

2011-02-16T10:00:00.002-06:00

So it's no secret that Mark and I have had the flu for the last 6 days. Care taking is definitely not one of my strong points. I'm kind of one of those suck-it-up and walk-it-off type people. And heaven forbid you complain about it.

And when we're both sick, I'm even worse. I turn it into a competition. Like, who's sicker, but still more awesome and useful. Yes, me!! Pick me!!!

Huh? Since when is there a "sick" competition? Honestly, it doesn't make much sense. Yet there I am, comparing myself to him, when I should be just taking care of my family.

Oh I'm taking care of my family alright, but in the back of my mind - I'm grumbling. I'm comparing. I'm judging. I'm complaining.

Proverbs 21:19

It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.

Yeah, that's me...the complainer. Ouch! I don't know why I expect Mark to suddenly turn into Mr. Mom when I'm sick - let alone when we're both sick. I mean, if he was Mr. Mom - he wouldn't need me. He's Dad. And Dad has a place all of his own that I can never fill.

How often do I push him into filling the Mom role (and believe me he does a pretty good job at being Mom when he needs to)?

He's designed to be a father, he was made to be a man - which has enough responsibility without my adding to it! Just doing a quick study on men, husbands, and fathers is pretty overwhelming. These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our guys:

Eph 5:23

For a husband is the head of His wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church.

He's the leader our home - which is no small task. To lead our family like Christ leads the church?? Wow.

Eph 5:25-26

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.

To love me - even when I'm unlovable? Even when I reject him?

1Pe 3:7

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

To treat me with understanding? Even when I'm PMSing and even I don't understand me??!!

Okay, I think I'll stop there. He's got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders - and I didn't even begin to talk about his role as a father - that was just his duties as husband!

We both have our places and when we work together we are an awesome team - which is how God designed us. He knew we couldn't do everything on our own. But, when I start comparing my role to his it all starts crumbling. Yes, as wife, mother, and woman - I have great responsibility. But, it's no greater than my husbands responsibility as husband, father, and man. And I certainly can't start judging his performance, without taking a hard look at my own. And let me tell you ladies, we have quite a role to fill too!!

My continual, daily (sometime hourly) prayer is that I keep my eyes on Christ and focus on my role for our family and not worry about what he's doing - I've got enough work to do over on my side of the fence!

Kid Lunch Ideas?

2011-02-15T10:00:00.004-06:00

I'm really interested to get some discussion started on kid lunch ideas. Specifically, peanut-free, kid lunch ideas. As most of you know, Hayden is severely allergic to peanuts, so that really nixes a lot of foods/menus for us and totally rocked my world. I grew up on PB&J!

And as much as I appreciate how the "chicken nugget" has become a staple of our diets - I'd really like to branch out into less processed territory. I have no problem with side items - my kids have a love for fruit! And Corbin is truly an oddball with his love for veggies - especially raw spinach. Cracks me up.

But, when it comes to the "main course", I come up short! I have a few menus to alternate, but I'd love to mix things up with some new offerings.

As you post in the comments, I'll update this post with your ideas so we all can share!

**Here's what we came up with! Thanks ladies. I'll update as we get more comments.**

I'll go first. I saw this one in Parenting Magazine and tried it out last week - the kids loved it.

Banana and strawberry (or your kids favorite fruit) sandwich.
Basically just puree or mash banana and spread it like peanut butter - same for the strawberry (or you could use jelly, but I think the less sugar route is just as good). Throw it on some bread of your choice and Tada! It's almost like PB&J!

Breakfast for Lunch!
Several of you have mentioned serving Breakfast for lunch! An idea I think will get rave reviews from my kiddos. They love breakfast foods, and apparently a lot of other kids do too. Guess I just needed to start thinking outside of the box.

Serve up some Hummus
Laura gave me a great idea on FB to get in some extra protein with hummus and pita bread. A great finger food that I will enjoy too. Yum!

Baked Potatoes, Pasta Salad, and English Muffin pizza!!
Katie sent me some awesome ideas including pasta salad, baked potatoes (I can't believe I've never tried that one - I love baked potatoes), some great ideas for English muffins, and a ton more!!

Homemade "Lunchables"
Robyn's idea of making my own lunchables was a hit today! The kids loved making a "sandwich" out of their crackers, cheese, and chicken.

Leftovers
Gail likes to serve up leftovers from dinner - a great idea. Of course, this assumes that I A.) cooked dinner and B.) they liked it. Hehe.

Get out the crockpot
Yes, I need to pull my crock pot out more often. It's been neglected this month and I know my kids could appreciate some yumminess from it.

A Guessing Game

2011-02-14T10:00:00.000-06:00

Guess what the Zavala's are doing for Valentines Day! I'll give you some hints...

1. We have been enjoying long, luxurious naps.

2. Mark will definitely be home until Tuesday!

3. We're getting to spend some quality time together as a family

4. Mark and I are trying out new facial wear!

5. The kids are getting to enjoy some quality time with our friend Disney.

Is it a long awaited vacation?

Is it a romantic getaway?

Are you jealous yet?

Nope, it's none of the above.

But, if you guessed that Mark and I both came down with the flu last week - you'd be a winner!!!! Apparently, we're contagious until we end our doses of Tamiflu - which is on Tuesday.

Mark - AKA "Carrier Monkey"- and I sporting our Ebola prevention masks.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2011-02-11T10:00:00.000-06:00

You might have noticed I've made a few changes to the bloggy. Nothing spectacular, but it feels a lot more me - so I'm happy with it. What's awesome is that the title font is almost identical to my handwriting, haha. It kind of feels like I just opened up my journal when I look at it, which is pretty cool.

This blog basically has been my journal these past few years. I post whatever's on my mind - whether it's insanely personal or not. Hopefully, you've all been able to handle that or you wouldn't still be here, HA!

I actually read through some of my old posts the other day and it was amazing what I had forgotten. Thank goodness I blogged about it - or those memories would have been gone forever. My memory is not one of my strong points. I'm definitely going to make a point to post a bit more often - I know I've been pretty sparse in my writing as of late.

I'm also going to make a point to keep the honesty and "realness" that I started with. One thing I did notice is my retreating into myself and not really talking about what's on my mind lately. Maybe it was the fear of people's opinions or just a season of privateness - but I'm think I'm ready to let go of those fears and just be me...right now. ;)

Winter Picnics!

2011-02-10T10:00:00.000-06:00

So in Texas, when the thermometer dips below 40 degrees,

we all hunker down and await the apocalypse of "winter".

Luckily, this only happens once or twice a year, so we can all function relatively normal most of the year.

Of course, extra indoor time for two boys that are used to being outside a lot, means that I have to get creative on those "blizzard" days.

This time, we did an indoor picnic - which was a huge hit with both boys. I already mentioned that my boys love picnics in any form. But having one inside was definitely something new.

It was the perfect way to get them to stop running around and SIT DOWN in one spot for more than 30 seconds.

I then topped it all off with a nice long "nap" time.

Wedded Wednesday

2011-02-09T10:00:00.001-06:00

I've been enjoying Wedded Wednesdays over at The Candid Pastor's Wife for awhile, so I thought I'd join in the fun. Click over to her blog for some more awesome marriage posts.

Okay, so I have a major personality flaw - I don't take criticism well...at all.

My instant reaction is defensiveness, anger, and then embarrassment. I especially don't take criticism well from the one person who means the most to me on this earth - my husband.

Poor guy, that really leaves him in a hard spot. Even when he preempts his criticism with "Now don't take this the wrong way" or " Don't get upset but" - I still instantly get upset before he even says anything.

Mostly it's because I want him to love everything about me. I want him to be completely happy with me and think I'm better than college footballl!!! (Yes, I know I'm not...)

I don't like to admit to myself that I am not in fact perfect and do not have it all together all the time - let alone my husband! To know that my imperfectness is showing is like being naked in public.

So when he again had to point something out to me that needed a little, uh, improvement - I immediately tensed up. The excuses came flooding out. Then I played the blame game - "well I'm not perfect, but then again neither are YOU". Then I did the cold shoulder. Then I pouted. Yes, I'm quite mature.

And that was an improvement from my usual reaction!

But, in the end, I let the criticism sink in and hit my heart. Honestly, I agreed with it. So about, oh, six hours later I admitted that he may have a point and that I will try to do better at that, even though it was really his fault that I overreacted to that particular situation. Argh! Why can't I just hear it and say, yes. Yes, you are right. That was wrong of me and I will work on that. ??? What is so hard about admitting a mistake? That I am flawed. It's not like it's some big secret.

It's so important in marriage to be able to talk openly about issues and clear the air when we have disagreements. Mentally, I know this - yet emotionally, I can't handle this. It's frustrating to me. Later when I think back over the situation, I know his criticism is perfectly valid and it's something I need to work on. In fact, I'm glad he told me. But, in the moment, I just can't take it.

How do you handle criticism from those closest to you? Have you been able to handle it better over time? What helps you curb that defensiveness? Or am I alone on this one?

Rested

2011-02-08T12:00:00.007-06:00

Why is it that I have so much trouble getting enough sleep? No, it's not insomnia, but this insane stubbornness to let go of today. I want to fill it with as much as I can, right until the last possible hour - which for me is around 2am.

I know that I need at least 8 hours of sleep to be a normal, functioning person. Any less than that produces an irritable, tired monster who is even more stubborn than usual! You'd think that at the very least I'd squeeze in a quick nap on these days - but no, I don't. I just keep pushing myself right into meltdown mode.

I need to learn to release the day and get the rest I need for tomorrow. Getting my "second wind" each day around 8pm is just continuing the unhealthy cycle. As is pepping myself up with my morning coffee to make it through the day! That pretty much guarantees I'll be up for a good long while.

Sleep is good!! Sleep is good!! I just need to remind myself that when my night owl tendencies rear their ugly heads.

Am I alone in this? Obviously, in the baby years, sleep is a precious commodity - but now that the boys are getting older, I'm trying to squeeze in more and more into my evenings. I need to start placing rest as a priority in my life - right now it ranks right down there at the bottom, HA!

So this week I'm giving myself a bedtime - I know, that sounds ridiculous, but apparently the rebel in me needs one. Maybe my mother was on to something with that whole in bed by 10:30pm thing.

Ok, well off to do my laundry - I must have taken the week off or something because we seriously have a mountain of it waiting for me. No wait, that wasn't a vacation - that was a week of sick kids! Now I remember.

Extreme Makeover: Heart Edition

2011-02-07T01:20:00.003-06:00

Extreme Makeover: Heart Edition was the theme of our women's retreat this year, and that's just what it was for me - a heart makeover.

I have so much to process from this weekend, that I can't even really put it into words that well yet. This was my second women's retreat and I came into it with absolutely no expectations this year.

Last year I had built up The Retreat as if it was going to be some sort of spiritual awakening or transformation - a mountain-top experience you might say. But between my completely unrealistic expectations, poor attitude, and my unwillingness to step out of my comfort-zone, I was left tired, disappointed, and discouraged.

This year I approached things entirely different and that has made all the difference. Here are a few of the things that I learned:

1. Let Go
Last year I was in the driver's seat controlling every aspect of my "experience". I chose one of my roommates beforehand, tried to force relational connections, and already had a plan in mind for how I was going to spend my time at the retreat. Needless to say, I was ignoring the promptings of the Holy Spirit and I fell flat on my face.

2. Get Comfortable with the Unknown
This year my attempts at making roommate plans didn't pan out. But, I was ok with that. I approached it with the attitude of trust in God's greater plan and looked forward to connecting with whoever I ended up with.

3. Leave Your Complaints at Home
There will always be things you don't like. I think last year I had a spirit of complaining instead of an open heart. I picked at the things I didn't like and focused on the negatives instead of the positives. This year when I heard the first inkling of a complaint coming out of my mouth I quickly prayed for a cheerful heart.

4. Don't Make Excuses
I used my shyness as an excuse not to open up and connect. I blamed the setup of the connection time instead of the true problem - my unwillingness to make myself vulnerable to others. Fear of rejection and a superior attitude stopped me from making what might have been amazing friendships. Again, my controlling spirit had already "picked out" the handful of new friends I wanted to make and brushed the rest aside. In the end, I connected with no one. Ouch!

5. Cherish Others
Each woman at the retreat is a wonderfully made child of God. All of us have beauty and amazing gifts to share with each other and we should treat each other with that in mind. I cherished each conversation and connection I was able to make throughout the retreat and was richly blessed with the hearts of each woman I spent time with. Regardless of our season of life, age, or backgrounds we all have love to share with one another and a deep connection as sisters in Christ. We can also learn from one another as we each bring our different perspectives to the table.

6. Get Rid of Your Insecurities
Insecurity is really just a preoccupation of self. We are self-absorbed! Once we take our minds of ourselves and place them on Christ and others, thoughts like "I hope they like me" aren't an issue. It doesn't matter if they like me or not - I will still show Christ's love to them. I will still be warm and friendly, encouraging and supportive. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing or what I know/do/am. Trust me, no one is thinking about you!! One imperfection and we think the whole world notices, but they don't. And when we can let go of that, we can be free to open up to others.

I can't wait to write more on this amazing retreat and everything I learned - this is really just the tip of the iceburg!!!

But in the meantime, if you've been on a retreat - what were some of your experiences (good and bad) or Ah-ha! moments?

Obligatory Snow Post

2011-02-04T14:43:00.000-06:00

And here is my obligatory snow post!

Since it snows typically once (if at all) a year in Austin - we all get very excited about it.

Hayden told me that since it had snowed that Santa would be here soon...hehe.

Of course we had a good old fashioned snow "fluff" fight - making balls was a bit of a stretch with this sprinkling of snow.

And being official "Texans" we braved the snow with rain boots, haha. Poor Corbin had socks for mittens and cowboy boots (I could only find one of his rain boots)

I couldn't resist adding a little love to the experience.

And Mark made a Texas-sized snowman:

Hayden, of course, thought he was in a winter wonderland. One day we'll have to show him some real snow.

All my boys had fun this morning!

Except for Corbin - He spent the whole time mad that he had socks on his hands - The Indignity!

And after our 15 minutes of "snow" play...

We all ran back into the house to thaw out!

Of course, now the snow is melting and Hayden is watching it slowly drip away in horror! Every five minutes I hear him "Momma!!! The snow is melting."

But it was fun while it lasted.

Now I must go pack for GIRLFRIENDS 2011!!!!

It's About Survival

2011-02-03T10:35:00.000-06:00

And no, I'm not talking about the "cold" Texas weather that my Kentucky friends would laugh about. Although, I have to say, when you've acclimated yourself to living in 100+ degree weather, 20s feel pretty darn cold.

No, I'm talking about surviving the cold season with 2 preschoolers! (I was about to type toddlers when I realized that neither boy qualifies for that statement anymore...whoa - where did that time go?) It seems like we have colds every other week around here. My theory is that the minute you plan any type of activity in the winter you've just reserved your family a vacation in Virus-ville. It never fails that whenever Mark and I have a date, or a friend is coming over, or there's a dinner to go to - the kids get sick!

And you guess it - they're sick again! Although, I think I am becoming a bit of a professional when it comes to these colds. In the past, this would have been a "crazy week" or some other kind of drama - but lately, I've been able to just handle it as part of life! We pull out the nebulizer and the medicines, fill up the humidifier, Vicks the feet, and wipe little noses - all without the stress that used to accompany the dreaded Cold. I even took Corbin's walking pneumonia diagnosis (only 2 short weeks ago - and he's already sick again!) in stride with honestly, very little freak-out factor. Whoa!

Could it be that I'm starting to get the hang of something?!! It feels good not to fall into meltdown mode over every cold that comes our way and to leave those stresses behind. Sure, it means we're "home-bound" and "quarantined" for a few days - but those days are so much more peaceful than they used to be. Is it because they are older and handle it better? Maybe so. But I think it also has something to do with having more experience and perspective that this too will pass.

Oh and being OK with letting them do this to the house (whatever keeps 'em happy!):

Love Is In The Air

2011-02-02T15:23:00.000-06:00

Love is in the (cold/freezing/frigid) air at the Zavala's!

Valentine's Day is fast becoming one of my favorite holidays to decorate!

Mostly because it involves my favorite color - Red - and the sum total of my decorations can all fit into one plastic bag. I love simplicity.

The whole thing made me want to go out and buy something beautifully red. But, alas, I, er, I mean the boys - needed naps.

So, I settled for some Amazon and Etsy window shopping. I have a delicious amazon gift certificate to use up! Just thinking about all the possibilities I could use it for makes me giddy.

In the end, I bought nothing. But had lots of fun imagining what I could
buy and drooling over what I probably would never
buy!

All that decorating inspired me to pull out my red mixing bowls and start on the cookies I wanted to make for the retreat this weekend.

Meringue Cookies! Look scrumptious right? Don't let their innocent appearance fool you. After 4 slow cooked hours in my oven they took on the flavor of last night's chicken dinner...Even Hayden wouldn't eat them - and that's saying something

. Don't worry ladies, I won't be bringing these. Mark was willing to "take one for the team" and eat my "chicken" cookies.

Guess I'll have to come up with another dessert - chocolate sounds good...we'll see what reasonably edible treat I can concoct.

In the meantime, I'm trying to stay warm in my drafty, frigid house.

Doing What Works

2011-01-31T16:12:00.000-06:00

Everywhere you turn, people are always trying to give you advice. And generally, it's good, well-meaning advice. We all have opinions on just about everything! We've read the blogs, books, and watched the documentaries or shows on X, Y, or Z.

But, then there's reality. What I should do verses what I can do.

I have spent a lot of effort over the last 10 years failing at what I should do and this month I gave up and started doing what I can do. Let me elaborate.

1. My grandmother once told me never to put my knives in the dishwasher because they would get dull. For years now, I have had knives continuously on my counter piling up to be hand washed because "You can't put knives in the dishwasher". This has led to me having an ongoing dirty dishes issue that I just couldn't conquer.

This month I decided that they were my knives and I'll throw them in the dishwasher if I want to. I'd rather buy a new set of knives every year than see another dirty knife piled up on my counter. And you know what? I haven't had dirty dishes sit longer than a few hours in my kitchen over the last month. This small change has made a huge impact in my life.

Regardless of how good the advice was, it just wasn't working for me. It was good advice, but as a mother of two small children - I just don't have time to hand wash dishes. Using the dishwasher saves me so much time and time is limited right now.

2. Being "green" and "natural" is a hot topic everywhere you turn. I am constantly inundated with ways I need to be greener or more natural, and how this or that product is giving me cancer. It's enough to make you hide under the covers. So, of course, I was trying to do my part to use more natural products for cleaning and laundry. Only, my "new and improved" products don't actually clean as well as my old ones. I have to scrub longer and more often, and stains don't come out as easily of my clothes, and now I'm having to spend time making some of my cleaners, etc. Basically, that meant my bathrooms looked grungy, our clothes had stains, laundry was piling up, my new natural deodorant was giving me a rash, I was spending a lot of effort trying to do just basic cleaning, and let's not even talk about my shampoo experience.

Although, I love the idea of "going natural" with my cleaners and products - I just need to step back for a time and regroup. Maybe I will keep a few things, but for now I'm going to do what works.

3. Health is an important topic as it effects every part of our lives. And there are a LOT of opinions on what we should and should not eat, drink, etc. One of those being the great caffeine debate. I am a caffeinated woman. I like my morning latte. No, scratch that, I need my morning latte. At this stage in the game, with kid filled days, early wake-ups, late catch-ups (i.e. doing all the work that I couldn't do with the kids awake), and everything else - I need that extra boost. Is caffeine unhealthy? I'm sure. But right now, not having my morning coffee just doesn't work for me. Now maybe in the future I will wake up peacefully, do some yoga and sip some decaf tea - but right now I'm full-octane baby.

It all just wasn't working for me. And read that correctly, I said "For me!!!". Me, the person who is typing this, not you, the person who is reading this. I have no idea what works for you. I only know what works for me. Maybe you spend luxurious hours hand washing your knives, while composting your kitchen scraps, whipping up a new batch of deodorant, and saving the world! But, I, alas - am not that skilled. And yet, maybe one day I will be. Maybe this is just the me right now and the future me will be able to try some of these things again. Because, like I said - the advice is good! It just doesn't work for me.

And yet, lots of other things do work for me. I've been able to happily incorporate them into my life without killing the quality of my life. Although, those will be different for each of us. I may never use paper plates, but for you that might be the pivotal piece that keeps life turning in your household. And that's good!! Do what works for you and what keeps your family going during these seasons of chaos.

My hope is that, as women, wives and mothers (and you guys too), we can support and encourage each other instead of judge and criticize for what we can't accomplish or what we need to do just to stay sane!

So, if you can relate - what "advice" do you need to discard so that you can begin to function? :)

For Your Listening Pleasure

2011-01-27T23:59:00.000-06:00

A Thousand pairs of firey eyes
Burn like a serpent down the hwy 5
As the Long amber tail to Los Angeles unwinds
I've got His resurrection down in side my skin
But for all my revealating
I just cant make sense
Of this gravity we're in

Cause I'm a dead man now
With a ghost who lives
Within the confines of
These carbon ribs
And one day when I'm free
I will sit
The cripple at your table
The cripple by your side

A thousand miles of pain I'm sure
Led you to the threshold
Of my hearts screen door
To tell me what it is I'm dying for
Gravity comes
Like a cold cold Rain
To lead me to the rope again
But someone is standing in my place

Cause I'm a dead man now
With a ghost who lives
Within the confines of
These carbon ribs
And one day when I'm free
I will sit
The cripple at your table
The cripple by your side
The cripple at your table
The cripple by your side

And I sit beside you
And I sit beside you
And I sit beside you
And I sit beside you

Happy Birthday Baby!

2011-01-19T01:40:00.000-06:00

Guess who turned 32? That's right, my awesome hubby. We somehow managed to celebrate it between illnesses - gotta love January. Cedar allergies, colds, and...wait for it...walking pneumonia. I pray we're on the mend. It's been awhile since I've done an all-nighter and let's just say I'm out of practice.

So, needless to say, I didn't get to do my annual Hubby post yet. I mean, I've mostly said it all, but let me gush a bit more about my man since it is (or was) his special day.

So here are some of my top reasons I love him:

1. He cooks a mean steak.

2. The first few weeks after Hayden's birth, he changed almost ALL of his diapers.

3. He's way neater than I am. I will never be one of those wives who complain about their husband's messiness - quite the opposite actually!

4. Somehow, and I'm not quite sure how the heck he pulls this off, he always seems to be right....about everything.

5. He saved me from myself when I met him over 12 years ago.

6. He "gets" my humor

7. He is my best friend and knows me better than I even know myself.

8. He's an amazing father and I've never loved him as much as when I see him with our boys.

9. I can be myself around him and never have to apologize for it.

10. He's hot. ;)

Happy Birthday Baby!

Beautiful Day Out There

2011-01-05T15:27:00.000-06:00

One of the "perks" of living in central Texas are days like this - 64 degrees in January? I'll take it! The kids were driving me bonkers this morning - their usual mode of "play" inside usually involves someone being chased all over the house with Mom being "home base".

I finally decided to throw them both outside when they had stepped on my foot for the hundredth time while knocking whatever I was carrying out of my hands. At the time, I didn't realize how nice it was outside - I was prepared to shuffle them out in snowsuits if I had to - but delightfully, God gave us a beautiful day here! The next 2 hours were spent outside. We even ate lunch outside.

Benefits of an outdoor lunch:

1. No mess to clean up

2. No dirt tracked in for lunch after playing outside

3. Kids will sit still and eat just because they have their own special picnic bench that is their size. They love it.

4. If a carrot should fall on the porch and Corbin picks it up and continues to eat it, I just look away and pretend I didn't see it. He's already managed to sample sand, leaves and mud within the last 2 hours - a little porch dirt isn't going to make a dent at this point.

Really, you should try it! I love doing lunch outside. And you don't have to have a fancy picnic bench to do it. Previously, they used a cute little kid's table set I got off Craig's List for $10 bucks. There are plenty of deals out there if you just keep your browser open for a few days scoping them out. I actually have to NOT look because I'm always finding ridiculous deals for things that we don't really need, but are just so cool!

In fact, I outfitted our entire backyard off of Craig's List. Now we've got a great place for them to play and explore, and it really didn't cost much at all. Originally, I had researched playscapes but the price and difficulty of assembling them was just too much. So, instead, I found really neat toys to throw outside that I didn't mind getting water and sun damaged. I paid about $5 a piece for most of their ride on toys or sand table. Throw in some $1 beach toys from Target and the Dollar store with a few packages of army men and you're set. At least for my boys anyway.

And no, they don't originally want to spend hours outside. Especially if they haven't spent a lot of time outside previously. You kind of have to work up to it and show them how to play - because playing outside is different than playing inside. Eventually, they'll be making up their own games and play, but I think you kind of need to start them somewhere or they'll get bored quick.

I also have a lot of random things out there that they've had a blast with. Bricks, pieces of wood, pots, buckets, small shovels - you name it! Today Hayden took some mesh shelving and some bricks to make his own ramps/roads for his car. It was amazing to see what he was building out there. Corbin used my little shovel to pour water and sand from one pot to another in his own little game. I think the best toys I have out there are the ones that weren't originally meant to be toys!

Seems like they are always inventing, building, and discovering out there!

What kind of outdoor activities do you do in your backyard? And this goes for adults too! We've got a rocking yard for the kids right now, but we could use some ideas for us "Big Kids" too.

Fun with Four

2011-01-02T23:12:00.000-06:00

Four is fast becoming my favorite year with Hayden. Of course, it is not without its challenges - I mean, he is FOUR, but it is also a great time of exploration, curiosity, and wonder at the world. I love seeing him discover and learn new things. The world through his eyes is a very cool place and I am enjoying showing it all to him.

Now that he is so interested in everything around him, I thought it was a good time to start preschool. We chose to do this at home instead of sending him to a school, so I set about deciding on education approaches and curriculum. I found an approach I connected with and some amazing curriculum which should be coming soon! I'm so excited to get started. In fact, we really started last week with my own materials and lesson plans that I made on my own or found online. It's been fun pulling it all together each day, although it will be nice to have a curriculum to work with once it comes in. Starting from scratch can be a little overwhelming - it's nice to have a starting point and then go from there.

I found a great phonics website (Progressive Phonics) that has FREE books you can print out that I will be using this week - they are really cute and I think Hayden will like them. It's amazing how much free material is out there. You really could educate your child for practically nothing - as long as you had a printer, internet access, and a library card - but it would take a little more time and planning than I have right now. Thank goodness for curriculum!

Last week was so much fun and even though with the holiday we only had 2 days, I still felt like he learned a lot. He mastered the concepts of light and dark and which colors were "light" or "dark" colors, he colored inside the lines for the first time ever, haha, matched letters and words that started with the letter in a memory game, used the computer and manipulated the mouse perfectly to play a matching game, answered all discussion questions correctly about a book we had read for the first time, got introduced to the concept of rhyming, and put together every jigsaw puzzle we owned (looks like I'll need to get some harder ones).

It just amazes me how much he learns and it's so fun being able to teach him all these things. I can't wait for tomorrow!

I'd love to hear about any resources you've used and liked - even though we purchased a curriculum, there is always room for improvements or alternate activities!

A New Year - 2011

2011-01-02T00:10:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2011! Is it just me, or did 2010 fly by? I know we all say that each year, but this year felt like it went back quicker than any other. Saying 2010 was a difficult year for us would be an understatement. No need to rehash it, I'm sure we all have our stories for 2010 - this world can beat you down.

This is my fourth year of blogging and each year I have chosen a theme (I don't do resolutions). As the years have gone on, more and more bloggers have chosen to do the same! It's fun reading each other's theme's each year.

A recap of my "themes":

2008 was the year of "Right Now". A little blog trivia for you - this is where the title "Just Me Right Now" came from. Originally, my blog was "Just Me", but for fun I changed it to reflect my theme that year, and well, the rest is history. I embraced mindfulness and peace in keeping my mind in the present moment - not looking back, and not looking forward. I made an effort to let go of things past and to stop myself from constantly looking forward to "what's next?". I focused on being content and mindful of where I was Right Now.

2009 was the year of "Held". A year of craziness and turmoil with two growing children and a kitchen remodel from hell - I needed to just be Held. Held in His hands and rest in His peace. I survived that year only through His grace.

2010 was the year of "Simplify". This was the most impactful year yet. I simplified my life in a thousand different ways. I purged our lives of an overabundance of "stuff" and am still simplifying even into 2011. That is one theme that will stick with me for life. I radically donated all our extra stuff and have plans for donating so much more. I cut down on our accumulation of material goods and became content in our house despite my earlier longings for a larger house. Our house was not the problem, our accumulation of things was.

And now that brings us to 2011. This year it has been harder to pick a theme - probably because I am more at peace and contented than I have been in a long time. Usually, I am full of regrets and desires for change each new year, but this year is different.

This year's theme is...

Be Still.

As a woman, a wife, and a mother my tendency is to fill up every moment of every day with something. But there is strength and fuel in that stillness. There is Him. "Be still and know that I am God" ~Psalm 46:10. This year I will make stillness a priority in life. And along with stillness, mindfulness. Being present in the moment with my spirit and mind still.

How often to do we rush through life with no attention or thought to the present moment? Just thinking about our "to-do" lists and missing opportunities to love others. At church I rush through the doorway of greetings so I can run back to children's ministry and set up for the day. I say hurried hellos and half-hearted "how are you?'s" My head is buried in supplies and handing out papers and other items. I make no notice of those around me or if maybe I'm needed in a capacity other than the one I have decided for myself.

I love reading about Jesus - He always had time. Time for his disciples, time for the sick, time for the unloved, time for the children, and time for prayer and stillness. Even though time was not on His side - He still moved through life present in the moment and available to each opportunity as it presented itself.

Can I say that about my own life? What can I say about my life? How am I living it? I hope this year I can move closer to answering that question without regret.

Christmas Reflection

2010-12-31T14:16:00.000-06:00

The Holy Spirit has really been working on me this Christmas season as I've been trying to navigate the holiday with two small children and a world that's focused on the trappings of Christmas instead of Christ Himself. I've been worrying over if our Christmas is "Christ" enough and how we celebrate this or that. And right in the middle of that the Holy Spirit quietly nudged me and said:

Christmas is every day - not just December 25th. Christmas is how I live my life each and every day. Am I living it looking toward our Savior and relying on Him for all of my needs? Or am I seeking the fulfillment of those needs elsewhere?

This past year has been a slow, but steady transformation of looking to Christ each and every day. My life is Christ and there is no difference between December 25th and December 26th - my thoughts, actions, and faith are still the same.

It doesn't matter how many nativity scenes I put up, or if I booted Santa from the house, or if I went to church 7 times that week, or made a cake and sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. Doing is not living. Living is every moment of every day - and I must live Christ each day.

I hope you all had a very blessed Christmas and pray for God's blessings for you for 2011.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

2010-12-15T14:54:00.000-06:00

Oh hello bloggy world! I've missed you. Can we go random today? Cause it's been too long.

1. This weekend we took our Christmas pictures for our card. I've already been handing them out! I still need to mail them to out of town folks...this may happen sometime before February if previous years trends hold true. Buying stamps is some how an obstacle for me... I mean it shouldn't be. It's as easy as going to HEB (where I go once a week ANYWAY) and saying (when they ASK me without prompting - Do you want ice or stamps?) "Yes, yes I would like stamps". Why is this so hard?? My automatic reaction is always "NO, no ice or stamps, no!!!!"....

Here is our family shot:

2. I employed my own photography skills for our Christmas shots. I have no money to pay a professional both to do the pictures AND print them. And everyone's first question is: How did you get everyone to look at the camera??!!

Answer: During this "shoot" I took 140 shots of 4 poses and had 5 good quality, usable shots. If you'd like to see the outtakes, just go to my flickr page.

3. Last week I successfully transitioned Corbin out of the high chair! He now eats at the table like a big boy. We are officially done with high chairs and boosters. Woohoo! They are also both drinking out of regular cups at mealtimes, although we keep the sippy cups for carrying around the house. I'm a big believer in offering mostly water for our boys and I want to make sure they have access to it whenever they want so they get enough in each day.

4. I turned 30 a couple weeks ago. Yes, the big 3-0. I'm liking 30 so far. I think the 30s will be my best decade yet. Although, everyone still thinks I'm like 24 or younger, so I guess I can pretend I'm younger whenever I'm in the mood too. This has proved interesting now that I'm moving into the children ministry director role at church and people look at me like...you're kidding me? You're the team lead? You probably don't even have kids. How old are you? Like 21?

NO PEOPLE, I'M THIRTY!! I have two kids. I've been married for 10 years! I'm a college graduate. I got skillz people, I swear. I should get a t-shirt to advertise...

5. I've discovered my blogging time is in direct proportion to my camera time. In other words, if I'm not taking pictures, I'm not blogging. Lately, most photos have been from my phone which generally head straight to facebook and aren't blogged. So I need to get my "big" camera out a bit more apparently.

6. I've made progress on Advent celebrations from previous years. So there was 3 years ago, where I didn't celebrate Advent at all. Then there was last year, where I bought a book with ideas for celebrating Advent, but did nothing. And now we move into this year. This year, I made an advent wreath with candles and we've (so far) done ONE advent devotional as a family...which went, well, as you might expect with a 2 and 4 year old.

In my mind, it should have looked something like this:

In the holy glow of candlelight - Children listening intently as Daddy reads advent passages from the Bible. Hayden talking about the nights "discussion" (which was about babies - in reference to Jesus birth) and enjoying looking at his old baby pictures. And then a family communion with the bread I had made, etc.

The reality:

The ominous glow of candlelight as Hayden "eyes" it like a pyro needing a fire fix. Corbin banging on his tray for MORE BREAD and throwing his sippy cup. Hayden offended that he was EVER a baby and NOT wanting to look at baby pictures - not even getting to the point about Jesus being a baby, etc. "Hayden is a big boy, not a baby!!!" - Hayden. Hayden fidgeting in his seat and interrupting every two words while Mark tries to make it through the readings in one piece. As we talk about Jesus birth and the meaning of Christmas, Hayden screaming out - "CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT SANTA!! JESUS IS IN THE BIBLE". Me yelling - "SIT DOWN!! DON'T TOUCH THE CANDLE. CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT JESUS!!!".

Yeah, so that pretty much exceeded expectations right? Merry Christmas.

7. For those that want to enjoy something truly beautiful - come hang out with us at The Oasis (5pm I think) for a Christmas Eve service our church does every year. A great meal with some of my favorite people and then a wonderful service to celebrate Christ! We'll be the ones in the back with the wiggly kids screaming "Jesus is in the Bible!"

Toys!

2010-11-22T16:00:00.004-06:00

It's been interesting to see my selections in toys evolve as I change as a parent and continue learning through the developmental challenges we are currently working through with Corbin.

No longer do I look for the "flashy" or latest toy, but really evaluate it's potential as both an object of play and therapy.

I've found some really great ones that we love and since Christmas is coming up I thought I might share a few with you! I'd also love to hear any of your recommendations as well. I'm always on the lookout for quality toys to add to our play!

These are in no particular order, by the way. Mommy fog prevents me from doing any real prioritizing in that regard, haha - they are ordered in the manner they popped up in my brain while writing this post.

1. Melissa & Doug Deluxe 10-Piece Alphabet Nesting and Stacking Blocks

Corbin uses these a lot in therapy play and just playing in general. The stack and nest so you get two activities in one, plus they store well. They all nest so they stay compact. The outside also have animals and letters on them, so it's also a great starting point for learning letters and animals. We have several nesting/stacking toys and this is by far our favorite.

2. Alex Toys Learn to Dress Monkey

I have spent a LONG time looking for a toy to teach self-help and fine motor skills that is NOT a pink baby doll. Also, many baby dolls don't come with the various zippers, velcro, buttons, and snaps all on one outfit. This monkey has snaps, zippers, shoelaces, socks, buttons (with two styles of closures), overalls, and a velcro shirt! If you are looking for a dressing toy, this is definitely it.

3. Melissa & Doug Grill Set

Lacing cards and activities are definitely fine motor skills that are on our list to achieve. However, for a 2 year old, and especially one who is delayed in motor ability, lacing with string can be a very difficult activity. As a precursor to lacing with string, I have found this grill set to be awesome! Instead of "lacing", he is placing the meat and vegetables on the skewers - which incorporates the same skills as lacing, but in a more controlled and easier to manipulate form. The skewers are easy to hold on to and don't flop over like lacing string does. There are also tongs (a precursor to scissor skills) and a knife for cutting. The vegetables form together with velcro for easy cutting. We love this toy and it's a hit with both Hayden and Corbin. It's also a great pretend play activity.

4. 50 Counting Bears with 5 Cups

Oh the counting bears...I don't think I can really express how much we play with these. Corbin can color sort very well, and I think these bears really helped with that. Also, you can buy pattern matching games that go with the bears that are fun to add to. Corbin loves pouring the bears from one cup to another (another great motor therapy) and also plays with the bears in all sorts of other ways. Hayden loves to line them up like army men and Corbin likes catapulting them or having them go down his Little People slides. Besides colors and matching, they are also great for counting and working on numbers. This is the kind of toy that develops and changes as they get older. It starts with simple pouring, works into sorting, then pattern matching, and finally simple math. It's one of my favorites.

5. Shure - Chunky World - Magnetic Fishing

This game is played with almost every day - by both boys. Again, another great therapy toy, but also has endless possibilities for pretend play. My boys have made a boat out of a cardboard box to go fishing. They've used the fishing pole to "catch" other metal things around the house. They've pretend to "eat" the fish. You name it, they've played it.

Okay, so there are five of our favorites. As we get closer to Christmas, maybe I'll post some more if you're interested. Some of these toys are a bit pricier than others. We didn't get them all at once, but gradually added them to our household over the past few years. But, I will say that each one has been worth it's money! They have held up really well and I haven't had a single complaint with any of them.

So what are your "must have" toys?

Just Getting Away

2010-11-17T22:19:00.001-06:00

There are some days you just need to get away. Away from laundry and dishes and two boys fighting over the last goldfish and cleaning up the cracker crumbs AGAIN and well...just everything related to your house.

And no, a walk around the neighborhood just won't do.

You need a heavy dose of something beautiful. And my something beautiful is about 90 minutes away at Bastrop State Park. They have trees - real ones. Not the bushes that dot our Austin landscape.

So at 10am this morning I decided to pack everyone into the car for a day at the park.

There is nothing better for two rambunctious boys than to run around the forest throwing rocks and collecting pine cones (for throwing too of course).

And because my son is Hayden, we had to have a picnic. This boy is a picnic LOVER. I think he would prefer all our meals served outdoor on a blanket.

And of course, no trip to the park would be complete without a long hike on the trails. The boys did great - Hayden walked the whole way and Corbin about half.

Overall the trip was just what I needed. I got to soak in some "green" and let the boys run wild. Hayden even got to practice his big brother responsibilities by corralling Corbin and bringing him back to the picnic area when he strayed too far. Definitely a skill I'm going to be enjoying more of in the future!

I just might have to add this outing to our schedule every week, as we all came home quite happy!

Rethinking the "Norm"

2010-11-15T13:04:00.001-06:00

At Hayden's Birthday Party

This year we've been changing up a lot of how we "usually" do things. There are a lot of values and character traits that I think are important to develop in our kids, and I am seeing more and more little ways we can contribute to that. I also remember the aftermath of how we've done things in previous years and how I was left with an unsettling feeling of what I might be teaching our children!

The first was "The Birthday". It has traditionally been a time where Hayden is lavished with gifts from both friends and family. And, of course, there is nothing wrong with that. However, he received so many gifts that he had very little appreciation for them!! And that really saddened me.

I don't want Hayden or Corbin growing up without true thankfulness and appreciation for what they receive. Having an overabundance of possessions can contribute to mistreating his toys and taking these things for granted. Why be thankful for a new toy truck when you already have 10? The truck would just land in the pile of seldom played with toys.

And how could they truly play with their toys if their selection was so great they could move from one toy to another all day without every running out of new toys to play with!

Hayden sharing his birthday hat with his friend Jake

I didn't like what I saw - and I also didn't like admitting that I was one of the primary causes of it. The children don't buy the toys, I do.

So this year, we tried something new. Hayden received one gift from us this year - a tricycle. We also asked a few of our close friends to donate can goods in place of a gift for a food drive our church was participating in. This opened the door for us to talk to Hayden about other boys and girls who went to bed hungry at night and didn't have all the toys and food that he did.

We also shared a birthday party with two other four year olds who had birthdays in November. It was a great way to show him that it was "not all about him" and for him to think of others - even on his birthday!

Hayden jumping off the slide

And what a wonderful day it was with those few changes! Hayden got 3 presents from his friends that he has truly loved and enjoyed. He also was excited about all the food we got to feed the hungry kids - "Wow!" (his words, hehe). And he had no problem sharing the "spotlight" with his friends that day.

Mark and Corbin going down the big slide!

His birthday went so well, we're going to try and make similar changes to Christmas well. Focusing more on Christ and the meaning of Christmas than the free-for-all gift extravaganza of years past. I'll be posting more on that later!

I still can't believe our little boy is four!!

Hayden blowing out his candles.

Cold and Flu Season is Here...

2010-10-28T15:38:00.000-05:00

Seriously, does someone release millions of viruses each year around this time or what? I think we get like one week in between illnesses and then we're down again. Needless to say, blogging isn't at the top of the list these days.

Mostly my day looks like this:

Yeah...runny noses, TV watching, attack of the booger covered children.

The last cold we had for TWO WEEKS. You read that right, two weeks. This week the kiddos are healthy, but I got a lovely stomach virus - Yippee! That disaster has receded, but now I am hacking up a lung as I write this...cough drops are overrated.

Besides surviving living in a petri dish, we've had other stuff going on. Hayden's last day of his speech program was last Friday. Woohoo! He graduated out of his program and is no longer labeled as having a disability! My chatterbox is officially normal - as if I didn't know that. Kid will talk your ears off.

Poor Corbin was too sick to get his tests done last month so they've been rescheduled for November 19th. I'm keeping him in a bubble for two weeks before these next tests because if he misses this one, the next available appointment is in February!! Argh. But I dragged myself this morning to his followup with is neuro and she says he's looking great! She's thinks the MRI should come back normal and she's really interesting in seeing what the hearing test says - but we'll see.

His therapies are going well, but heaven help us when he gets sick. Basically, once he's well we have to cram in all the appointments he missed and it turns into a gigantic "therapy" week. It's crazy.

For the first time, Hayden knew exactly what he wanted to be for Halloween - a bee! Unfortunately, bee costumes are mostly made for babies and toddlers, but we managed to cram his 4T-5T body into a 3/4T. It's hilarious - but he loves it.

Hehehehe.

Corbin will be a fireman...I think. We've yet to get him to keep it on for longer than 3 seconds. He might be an "off duty" fireman.

Mark's new job has a Halloween event on Friday and Sunday we'll hit up a few neighbors as well as some of our church's block parties.

Hopefully we'll all be well enough to enjoy this weekend.

What are your Halloween plans?

I'm an outdoor mom

2010-10-14T18:27:00.001-05:00

I've come to realize that I'm an outdoor mom. I much prefer to spend my days outside with my boys than stay cooped up inside all day with two crazy monkeys.

Maybe it's because I have two BOYS... I don't know, but dealing with them all day within the confines of our house is maddening.

The fighting, whining, crying, etc is just too much to take some days.

But nice long days spent outside getting dirty, sweaty, rough and tumble boys is just what they need.

They play hard, have lots of fun, nature adventures and go to bed happy...and so do I.

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Taking off our Goggles

2010-10-04T14:35:00.004-05:00

Haha. So I got a lot of different reactions to my Unplugging post (most specifically about FB) and it left me thinking. Which is good - that's why I love your comments. We all live such different lives and come through different experiences to get us where we are right now. I love that.

We each have our own unique perspective on the world and until someone pulls off our "goggles" and let's us try on theirs - we sometimes miss that not everything works or is "good" for someone else. I think that's one of the things that can bother me the most about blogs and FB - negativity and judgments.

Here's a small example of what I'm talking about:

A while back, I came across a post on a blog I read regularly that was pretty critical and judgmental, and even a bit proud and boastful. The content of the post was about taking your kids to the dentist and and how well her child behaved - so much so that the dentist complemented her on it. She then contrasted that with another child she saw throwing a fit in another room. From that she went on to bullet points on why she was a good parent and inferring probably why this other child was having difficulties.

The "abridged" version of the points:

1. It starts with good parenting.
2. We don't project our feelings onto our kids.
3. We prepare them in advance for what will happen, and I tell them what is expected of them.
4. We don't ever mention needles, or fear, or drills.
5. We really praise them for doing a good job after.

(Another point was that her kids don't watch a lot of TV - a hot topic among moms - and that they liked watching the shows at the dentist more than other kids because of that).

These, of course, are all wonderful points for preparing your child for the dentist.

However, is the comparing and judging of other children really necessary? In our day, we see a "snapshot" of some else's life...not the full picture - we have no idea what's truly going on in the next office over and patting ourselves on the back for being "better" than another parent is a bad habit to get into (believe me, I'm guilty of it too!!).

And so, I needed to give her my "goggles" to adjust her perspective, so I sent her this:

I think experiences are also a factor. My son has had a lot of doctor visits, surgeries, tests, hospital stays and poking and prodding for all three years of his life. All of this has added up to him having a general fear of all doctor related visits, because despite any confidence building - most of his visits DO hurt or are uncomfortable (i.e. shots, drawing blood, ear drum vibration tests, people holding him down against his will).

At this point, even bribery has no effect, let alone talking about what will happen. I'm afraid it will take him longer to get over this.

Also, if they have language and hearing disabilities, sometimes there is no way to prepare them for what to expect - which was our case for 2 1/2 of those years.

We try to measure it in small improvements. At this point he is now able to have a conversation about seeing doctors without fear and even sit in the office waiting without getting upset beforehand.

I can't wait for the day he'd sit in a dentist chair! That would be a huge milestone.

Perspective adjusted! And once she read this comment, the light bulb came on and she was very gracious and seemed to understand this "new" perspective.

But, this is often the case over and over again on FB and blogs. Having two special needs children is a different experience and gives you different "goggles". You often read statements that leave your jaw hanging open and saying "But...but...what about...that's not a fair judgment...etc".

You understand that the "crazy, out of control, tantruming" child may not just be "a brat" or product of crappy parenting, but might be coping with massive frustration combined with the inability to speak or communicate on top of being a two year old (which is frustrating enough, HA!). The child who literally RUNS out of the ER crying might not just be disobedient, but may have memories of his last hospital stay where he had to stay in a crib for 2 days with wires attached to his foot and a tube taped to his face.

And, of course, this is not limited to children. We all have different experiences and reasons for what we do and it's so important that we remember that! What works for us, may not work for all.

And yet, FB and blogs are not all bad! I've been able to connect and stay in touch with friends across the planet! I'm able get a glimpse into the lives of my friends even if we can't just drive over for dinner. I get to see my friend's kids grow up before my eyes in pictures and blogs and feel like I got to be a small part of it. Those are all wonderful things and I shouldn't forget that, or exclude my friends from being apart of our lives as well!

So, while there are obviously some things that I don't like (and this post only mentions one), I also feel there are enough positive aspects to continue using FB in a limited way! Just enough to keep up with my far-away friends and to post some updates now and again to keep in touch! Mark got me a new phone this month that should help me use FB in a balanced way, so I'm able to still update but without it taking up too much time!

So there. My perspective has been adjusted.

Unplugging

2010-09-27T13:24:00.005-05:00

Whoa! It's been a month almost since I posted - must be some kind of record. I've been a bit reflective and internal lately - which curtails my blabbering on here.

Contemplating a lot of what's important and what's not. What's good for me and what drags me down. What I need and what's just excess. Good questions to ask yourself every now and then - and to surprise yourself with the answers you come up with!

It's amazing how distracted we can let ourselves become. Or maybe that's just me?

I've eliminated a lot of online aspects of my life that just weren't working for me. Facebook and a large number of the blogs I read for starters. The incessant status updating and reading was getting old. Is every thought in my head worthy of announcement? Heck no. Is it better to actually communicate with my friends personally and directly than to stay informed through mass updates? Of course.

So I've resisted the temptation to jump on FB and find out the "news" on all my friends or to let everyone know I'm checking the mail, or washing the dishes or any of the hundred other mundane and utterly un-newsworthy tasks I do each day. If anyone wants to know, they can come over and watch. Or better yet - help.

I've stopped seeking advice and affirmation from the bazillion blogs I was reading on every topic from saving money to special needs to mommy blogs. I'm straightening my heart and head out by turning to the only place I should be going for those things - God's Word.

And wow. Let me tell you - if you're depressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, sad, feeling unworthy or incapable of the tasks in front of you - that's the place to turn.

2Co 12:9-10

Each time He said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So go be strong.

So what can I say?
What can I do?
But offer this heart, oh God, completely to You.
So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned.
In awe of the one Who gave it all.
I'll stand my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours.