Slowing Down

I feel like life has been handing me speed bumps lately.  Maybe it's sign I need to slow down.  I have felt like life is on fast forward lately and I just can't seem to keep up.  The house is a wreck, the kids school isn't getting down as much as I'd like, and I am always running from here to there.

And then a couple weeks ago, both cars broke down on the same day.  What?  How does that even happen.  We went from speeding along in our fast paced life to a screeching halt.

And today, after a week of driving Mark to work every morning, we finally are set to get the car back and the van breaks down again.  ??

I'm still trying to process the odds of 3 breakdowns in a row. :(

And yet, I can't help but be a little relieved that my day tomorrow just got rearranged.  Why am I pushing so hard?  Why am I going at lightning speed?  Do I need to be?  Is this the right direction? Do I need to reevaluate?  Is that what life is telling me?  Is God telling me?

Oh and I got my period today - and it was a total and utter surprise.  This month has gone by so fast I feel like I just finished my period, although looking at the calendar - yup, it's right on time.  But it completely shocked me this afternoon.  I'm so crazy right now I forgot my period - sheesh.

Must...find...balance...oh yeah, that's my word right?

Secret Comeback

I'm blogging again - but this time no advertising it or posting things to facebook.  I am writing only for me this time.  I went through a few months of my posts last night and laughed, cried, and remembered all those things I wrote so long ago.  It was like taking that "walk down memory lane" and I am so glad I have this blog to help me remember all those things, because my memory is one that doesn't let me keep everything!

So I don't know if anyone is out there, I doubt it, so I will just pretend as if you are and as if you care.

I stopped blogging mostly after moving into this house.  I feel like I left apart of me back there on Monument Dr.  I miss that house a lot.  I miss the coziness of it.  I think, haha.  Or maybe I'm just being sentimental.  I do remember complaining about the size of my bedroom HA! And my kitchen.

But enough about coming back and where I was.

Right now I have this funny idea in my head about moving forward in a new way.  I have been on this quest for health, fitness, and weight loss for years - ever elusive.  So I just thought maybe I should try something I have NEVER tried before - just being good to my body.  Treating my body with kindness. You see I have two modes - either trashing my body with overindulgences in food, alcohol, and no physical activity OR depriving my body and bringing it to the limit with over exercising and limited food.  There really hasn't been much middle ground there.  I swing like a pendulum back and forth from one extreme to the other.

So it's 2016 and I don't have a word for the year.  I haven't done that in awhile, so let's pick one shall we (shhhhh I know it's April)?

My world for 2016 is Balance.  So there - let's have some balance this year and see what happens.

Made to Crave

This summer our church is doing a series called The Ten Commandments.  The moment I heard what we were doing visions of Charlton Heston came to mind in the 1950s film - hours of my life sitting bored with my parents watching this movie as a little kid.  By the way, this is not a review of the movie, any adult movie is boring to a six year old! HA!  I'm sure it's very good, and I should probably see it again as an adult.

But the feelings that memory conjured up had me anticipating a snoozefest.  I'll admit, I half listened through the first week and doodled on my sermon notes most of the time.  Later, I felt convicted about my attitude and since this sermon series is 10 weeks long, I should probably get my act together and open my heart and mind.  So I prayed before I walked into church this week that I would be open to hearing from God, even if I already knew the 10 commandments.

Our pastor often will say (I'm paraphrasing here of course! sorry Brady) that people say they want to hear and think about the meaty, deep theological stuff, but have we put into practice the basics truths of our faith yet?  The answer most of the time is NO! I may know the 10 commandments - but am I living them out?  That's the real question.

So week 2 jumped in at the first commandment:

And God spoke all these words: I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  You shall have no other Gods before me. - Exodus 20:1-3

 The point of this sermon was this:  We all have idols in our life.  They may not be the little stone statue kind, but you can find them by probing into your hearts a bit with these questions:

• What consumes your thoughts?
• How do you spend your money?
• What is something so important in your life that if you were to loose it, you would slip into despair?
• Who or what do you make sacrifices for?

And this hit me like a ton of bricks - there is one thing in my life that encompasses all these things and it's not God - it's my body image.

In my life I have spent tons of money chasing this ideal - weight watchers, gym memberships, shakes, herbalife, eat to live, Atkins, Paleo, I could really go on and on.  I wake up and one of the first things I do is hop on the scale.  If the scale is too high, my day starts off in a funk.  I spent a whole year training for and completing four half marathons, and yet still I wasn't satisfied.

I was put on my first diet at six years old and have been fighting this body image battle ever since.

And I worry every day that I could pass on this terrible obsession to my children, just like it was given to me by my mother.

Sitting there during the sermon, I could see that I have been a slave my whole life to this obsession.

It is my #1 idol.

It's not easy to be vulnerable to others and talk about this issue, but since Americans spend more than $60 billion dollars each year on weight loss, I figured there must be someone out there who is struggling just like me - and maybe we could encourage each other.

A few years ago, I ran across a study called Made to Crave.  I thought about buying it, but just wasn't ready to tackle this issue.  I thought I could "fix" it on my own through one more diet, but of course - I was just chasing the impossible.

Made to Crave starts off with this basic truth.  We were all made to crave.  But crave what?  There is only one thing, one person in this life that can truly satisfy us and that is God.  Yes, cravings are real and we will always have them.  We should listen to them (they are in us for a reason!), but then satisfy them with the only thing that will actually fill us - God.

I am going to walk through this study over the summer.  If anyone would like to join me, feel free to privately message me.

Facebook...The Acceptable Form of Bragging

First off, don't get me wrong - there are LOTS of things I really enjoy about Facebook.  It's wonderful to share happy moments with your friends, celebrate success, get encouragement during those down times, share some thoughts of wisdom, or keep in touch with friends and family.  Those are all definitely not forms of bragging when done with the right intention.

However,  I do find there is this little slice of me that's using Facebook for another means...an acceptable way to make myself feel better by...bragging.

Yup, I said it, bragging.

For instance, maybe I...

Post a picture of Mark and I out on a date night...translation...check us out - we are so connected relationally - aren't we rocking this whole marriage thing! (Don't look behind the curtain here, date may or may not have gone well, and we might have been too tired to even have a coherent discussion and often end up doing romantic things like toilet shopping at Lowes.)

Or list out my days accomplishments...translation...I am wife and mother of the year over here - check out what I can get done in just ONE freakin day! (Of course, I don't mention that the next four days were a wreck with dishes piled high and my husband searching for a clean pair of underwear).

Or post yet another pic of my latest craft...translation...Check out my creativity!  I am a pinterest queen! (Or really, look what I did while my kids scrounged for food in the pantry and stayed in their pajamas all day)

Or take a quick pic of my quiet time books/bible...translation...God and I are "tight" - I want you to think every morning starts like this and I am uber disciplined and in tune with the Holy Spirit.   (Or maybe I was more worried about getting an in-focus, artsy pic than listening to what God was telling me that day).

Yeah, this has been me on more than one occasion.  Facebook is dangerous like that.  So I think I have come up with some new rules for myself regarding Facebook...starting today...

I will not post anything unless it:

1. Is sharing something worthy of celebrating with others
2. Is uplifting or encouraging to another
3. Could help others walking through the same trial by reading about a challenge I'm having that day.  (Sometimes those are my favorite posts, when I see I am not ALONE in the struggle of something!)
4. Just plain informative!

I will see if I can keep my own rules - it WILL be hard, but ultimately good for me.

Content to Be Me

I  think I might start blogging again - I really miss it.  It's also good for people like me who have problems remembering what happened yesterday, let alone last year.  I love looking back at the posts when the boys were babies and thinking, "oh yeah, I forgot about that!".

This week, what's really on my mind is this concept of "owning who you are".  A chat with a good friend a few months back yielded this treasure - "Mel, everyone has their own 'thing' - and it doesn't make sense to copy someone else's 'thing'.  You have to find your own."  I'm paraphrasing, of course, memory issues, remember?  She obviously said it way better.

But this idea has really stuck with me ever since.  I admire so many women - there are just so many talented ladies out there!  And often, that admiration can turn into envy.  Why can't I have a garden like hers?  I would love to make quilts like that!  She is such a patient mother.  She is so outgoing.  And on, and on, and on.  And these are all wonderful things to admire...but that's where it needs to end.

So what's the defense to this streak of envy that preys on our hearts?  I think it's this:

Being content to be me.

Psalm 139:13-14

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.

God create us uniquely.  Our special blend of talent, personality, and physical traits - there is no one like you!  And to wish to be someone else, is kind of like telling God He was wrong when he put you together.

So I am striving to be content in myself.  Not to apologize for being who I am.  And to fully embrace what makes me unique.

And although I can define the "me" now - that in no way limits the future "me".  I am not talking about ceasing to grow and learn, but loving yourself along the way.  Last year I couldn't have referred to myself as a "Runner".  But over the last 7 months I have become one.  That is a new part of me that I enjoy and am passionate about.   It also isn't the only part of me!  If I cease to run tomorrow - there is plenty more that defines my life and purpose.  I believe we all have many "things" that make us special.

If there was one thing I could wish for all of my friends (especially us ladies, we are so hard on ourselves) - it would be to love who you are and embrace the journey to who you are becoming.

Synergy

One of the things I love most about homeschooling, is the synergy you get when all your energy is focused toward a single goal - introducing my boys to Life.  It's amazing how you can weave things together when you are the primary director of their education.  Not that I need to be their sole resource for learning, but I am the one mapping out the best plan for them to learn and grow based on their individual needs and our family's beliefs.

One of the things we struggled with last year, when the boys were in school, was not jut relying on our Church to teach the boys their faith, but incorporating that as a family.  I'm sorry to say that besides some prayers, the fleeting curious conversation, or singing "Jesus Loves Me" before bedtime, our intentionality in this area was minimal.  Yet somehow, through God's grace, Hayden accepted Christ last year, despite my bungling, thanks to our awesome children's ministry teachers.

One of my goals this year is to be more intentional in this area and incorporate God in our lessons. So far, this has been one of my favorite parts of our studying.  I love science, and it's so fun to show off God's creation through the lens of science.  They are at an age where they are just amazed and curious about everything.  Science is quickly becoming one of their favorite times.

The last two weeks we started off in Genesis talking about God's Spirit hovering over the water and how everything was formless.  What a great segue into a science unit on water! We talked about the states of water, density, and did some fun experiments with sinking/floating, created our own Lego boats to find out which ones would float and even made an "ocean in a bottle" with oil, water, and food coloring.  Such fun!

This week we've moved into God creating light and darkness, so I've lined up some awesome fun with light, spectrum, rainbows, and even a sun dial!  I love being able to bring an often heard passage to life by showing and explaining how God's creation works. 
 

Beginning of Our Journey

This year we embarked on our homeschooling journey with a 1st Grader and Kindergartener!  One of the questions I get most often is "Why?"  But the reasons for homeschooling are so varied for each family and often can't be summed up in one thought.  I think it's a decision each family needs to make on their own - and depending on the family and life circumstances, that answer isn't going to always come out the same.

We have friends who homeschool, attend private and public schools, go to charter schools, attend co-ops, and even the university model - and so the "why" and "how" is not really a meaningful discussion, as I believe each family must come to their decision on their own.

It's the experiences that matter the most, and that's what I intend to share.  And I believe those experiences can happen in any environment given the right circumstances!

We actually started our "school" 3 weeks ago, so here are some of our "first day" pictures!

The End of a Season

Today is the end of a very long season - our season of Corbin's therapy!  Since he was 9 months old he has had some form of therapy going on - Occupational, Physical, or Speech.  And now almost four years later, he's done!

Sure, he still has some "maintenance" work to do, but he is now within normal ranges - I'm so proud of him.  He's worked so hard to get here.  For years, we did 4 hours of therapy a week.  More recently it's been only 3 hours - but still!  That's a big chunk of time.  And he was a trooper through all of it, although he had his good days and bad days.

And, of course, we ended on one of those bad days, HA!  I was hoping for a happy goodbye, but instead I got tantrums and screaming...oh well.  He has one therapist he just doesn't click well with and every time he gets them we have an issue.  Today was no exception and we left the office kicking, screaming, and with me holding him like a football and hurrying towards the car.

Definitely one of the few times where the phrase, "mommy needs a drink" comes to mind.  He screamed the whole way home and then some.  And after a nap, he was back to sweet Corbin.

He is truly one of those kids that needs sleep to function.  Moms always say that, even I used to say that sleep affected Hayden's mood, but this is no comparison.  Corbin literally cannot function emotionally without enough sleep.  He can't process any disappointment or correction and melts down at the drop of a hat!  Any attempts at discipline only escalate the issue.  He's even learned now that he has this issue and will put himself to bed on those days.

Oh Corbin!  You definitely keep me on my toes!!

Being on the Outside

I'm feeling it more and more these days - how some of our experiences have shifted me to the "outside" looking in at where I once comfortably sat.  How disconnected and different I feel from lots of other moms...I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

This weekend was difficult, bothersome, tear-invoking.

We had a meet-up at our local park for the incoming Kindergartners - and I felt so out of place.  The topic shifted from thing to thing, it seemed like each one was pulling me further and further outside.

Talk of dual-language kinder programs and where the zones will be for middle school (middle school?? they aren't even Kindergartners yet?!), and other academic accolades and things to strive for, etc.  Dual language?  I've fought so hard just for my boys to learn to speak English (and still am fighting that battle with Corbin).  I definitely want my boys to do as well as they can academically (and they ARE smart cookies!) but my heart won't be crushed if skills aren't mastered perfectly.  With Corbin's childhood apraxia of speech it is very likely he will also struggle learning to read and even dyslexia - we will cross that bridge when we get there.  I fought very hard to put that type of striving in it's place over the past few years.  My heart no longer struggles to have my kids compete with the Jones kids.  Corbin and Hayden are wonderfully made souls and I know God has unique plans for them!  And I can't wait to see them unfold. 

Topic then switched to Pegasus - the program Corbin is in.  Pegasus has dual function: 1.) For children with disabilities 2.) Typically developing children populate the class for modeling purposes.  My understanding is that the program is so well-liked that it can be difficult to get in for kids not needing services.  I briefly mentioned Corbin would be in Pegasus again this year.  The moms quickly jumped on the bandwagon about what a great PreK it was and how they knew someone that drove all over to sign up and get in, etc.  In other words, I don't think they realize that Pegasus services kids with disabilities and that my son has disabilities.  When I mentioned later that he had a speech disability (among other things, but who wants to bring all that up at a playdate) they literally were speechless.  I got a few "oh"s I think. 

And finally - because I'm just lucky like this - the topic changed to PEANUTS!  Argh, can't we just talk about the weather.  They went on and on about how they couldn't imagine packing a lunch without peanut butter and glad they could etc etc.  So I mentioned that yes, I have even more shocking news, my son is allergic to peanuts.  Seriously allergic.  I've never seen faces drop so quickly.

My biggest fear for Tuesday, is not the fact that my son is starting Kindergarten, it's that somehow, someone is going to feed him peanuts and something horrible could happen.  It makes my heart stop just thinking about how I can't control if some kid gives Hayden a piece of candy with peanuts in it, or if some mom brings cupcakes for the class and they have nuts, or there is some special event and they "forget" that Hayden is allergic...My biggest fear is that I could drop my kid off at school that morning and he could die. 

There.  I said it.  I don't have the luxury of worrying about if he adjusts to school or not, or the typically first day mommy fears.  What am I thinking about?  Is he going to get hurt?  Or even, is he going to feel like a freak or be "that kid with the allergies"?  It's not his fault his little body swells up with one bite of peanut butter.  I'm not an overreacting mom, or making a big deal out of nothing.  Anyone who knows me, knows this about me.  But this is a serious issues that a lot of people don't take seriously or make light of.  I would give anything not to have to deal with this.

Anyway, I left that conversation feeling like a bit of a freak myself, but mostly, just feeling different.  I've lost my ability to get overly passionate about some of those things, and find myself fighting for my boys in other ways - their health mainly.  Really, just surviving childhood is my goal these days! ;)

If you have any stories of your own allergy/disabilities kids that came through the school system in one piece I would appreciate them.  I could use some positive stories and I know they are out there.  Just the first day jitters! :D

These Are The Days

These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light
Make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you

~10,000 Maniacs, These Are The Days

It feels like the days are just pouring one after the other like the waves on the ocean and I can't stop them, just hold on for the ride.  I blinked and my boy is going into Kindergarten.  I have a thousand different emotions about this, as I'm sure all mothers do at the beginning of this new phase.  One of the feelings I wasn't expecting was a bit of identity crisis.  Yes, I am of course still a mom.  But not in the sense of having little ones pulling at my clothes, needing all of their basic needs met, rocking to sleep, etc.  That part of my mothering is done.  And that is such a sad feeling.

Now, I am the mathematician - "Mommy, what's 1,000 plus 200?"
I am the warrior - "Mommy, let's play swords!"
I am the encyclopedia - "Mommy, what do rabbits eat?"
I am the spiritual advisor - "Is there just one God?"

I am many things that are still wonderful and oh so "mother-ful".  But that doesn't keep me from aching a bit as I watch them grow up a little more each day.

Steve Lives!

So, you may remember me writing a couple weeks ago about our failed plant project - lovingly named "Steve".  As I predicted, my poor son ended up bringing a cup of dirt in for his final result.  But, I watered and cared for that thing quite well, and NOTHING happened.

Unfortunately, I had to send it back "no matter the condition", and so we did.  :( Boo.   His little "plant" traveled to school and back home.  I was quite surprised they sent the dirt home, but whatever.  So there it sat in a little ziplock back on my kitchen counter awaiting disposal.

Lucky for Steve, I'm a bit slow in throwing things away and in a miraculous turn of events, Steve has risen!  And he's a twin!  We now have two little seedlings growing.  I was just about to throw the cup out when I noticed them.

Hmmm...they may want to check the germination time for next year's plant project, as I don't think a week is enough for this particular seedling, HA!

All this to say....VICTORY IS MINE!!!  IT DID GROW!!!

The Spirit of Discontent

There are some books I go back to time and time again.  Calm My Anxious Heart is one of those books.  It's easy to live in a spirit of discontent.  The world tells us that we are always in "need".  Nothing is ever enough.  We are always in search of the next epiphany, treasure, or milestone.  Our culture craves significance and gratification.  We can't fully appreciate the blessings God's bestowed on us because our gaze is ever fixed on the future, not the present   We take each blessing, turning it over and over looking for the flaws or ways we can improve upon it.  Our minds are constantly entertained to the point of exhaustion leaving us drained and discontent.

I, for one, need constant reminding of how easily I can fall into this mode of thinking.  I have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings, I couldn't possibly acknowledge them all - we all do.  Yet, here I am asking for more, better, different. 

So today, is not an "I want" or "I need" or "I would really like..." day, but just.

Thank You.

Simple Pleasures

Spotify!  For a music lover like me...this is heaven - I'm really enjoying having access to all the music I want.  I don't know why I waited so long to subscribe to this.  I've been discovering new songs left and right and my productivity level has probably dropped off since this discovery. 

Rolled Dates!  After going gluten-free last month, I'm enjoying finding new foods.  My latest find are rolled dates (dates covered in coconut).  Yum.

Jasmine!  Stepping out my door each morning and smelling this beautiful flower is wonderful.

African Autum Tea!  B&N Starbucks had some new teas out and this one is delicious.  A mix of cranberries and oranges. 

Allergy medicine!  Where would I be without it?

iPad and Android phone!  Hayden would not survive the waiting room each week without these.

Writing on my blog again!  I'm glad to have a little place in the world to write and share.  I've missed writing on my blog.

The Waiting Game

I spend four hours a week in the waiting room at Corbin's speech/OT facility, it's an interesting place to be.  

 I learn a lot.  Sometimes I'm bored to tears. 

Occassionally, Hayden drives me beyond the point of madness. 

More then a few times I've left there dragging one or more crying children. 

My children behave every now and then and I'm proud of them.  More often than not they can be found underneath the chairs while I'm on my hands and knees dragging them out. 

Heaven help the poor person that sits next to Hayden - they most certainly will have found a new chatterbox friend who will proceed to talk their ear off for the next two hours if they are unlucky enough to stay there with us. 

Most of our conversations (for two hours) go like this:

Hayden: "Mom, how many more races do I need to win until I can buy this car" (pointing at the Drag Race game on my phone)

Me: "Uh"...(check phone, he needs like 600,000 more bucks and races earn him like 100....), "like a million, keep racing"

Hayden: (after playing one race and earning 100), "Do I have enough now?"

Me: "No.  Keep racing".

Hayden: "How about now?" (x 500 until Corbin is done with therapy)

Once, I spilled my Route 44 Cherry Limeade all over their table and ruined like 6 magazines.

Very often, I see parents of the other children and thank God for all the blessings He's given our family.

At least once each time we go, my heart breaks for a mother struggling with her child.

And every session ends with an all-smiles Corbin exclaiming "Mommy!" and running back to me for a hug (and to sneak a sip of whatever drink I brought).  That part I like best. 

Then we play Frogger in the parking lot and I try to get both kids back to the car without getting run over.

Disco Inferno!

This weekend was a whirlwind.  Saturday was packed with lots of fun.  I headed out to the Strawberry Festival with a group of friends that day, and Saturday night was the annual Spring Bling Thing and this year's theme was Disco!  We survived another night of fun (mostly, I think I left a toe down on 5th street - those shoes were killer!).  I'm proud to say that I walked fairly well in my heels until the later part of the night.  We fell into bed about 2:30am, then I got up early for the kids and church at 6:30 - ouch!  However, one green smoothie and I was set for a morning of church despite the limited sleep.  It's amazing how much better you feel when you're eating more nutritious foods.

Corbin's plant is still a pile of dirt.  I've named him Steve and am crossing my fingers that he will appear soon.  Maybe a little classical music might coax him out?  I'm getting desperate, we only have four more days.  I may have slightly overwatered him yesterday...but I gave him some drainage holes and I think we're good...who knows maybe Corbin's cup will grow mold instead - that's still a lifeform!!!

Okay, time to go eat some of my delicious strawberries I brought back from the festival.



Toys, Toys, Toys

Yesterday I spent 6 hours unpacking all the boxes of toys I had been avoiding.  How on earth do they get so many toys??!!!??  And no matter what your philosophy on toys is, can we all just admit that our kids have too many?  Yes, we can compare and squabble over how many more toys your kids have than mine (or vice versa), but I've yet to have a playdate at a friend's house where they just pull out some wooden blocks and dress up clothes in the spirit of simplicity and declare "this is it!".

And the toys just multiply and get smaller as they get older!!!  Sure, it's easy to police the toys when they're two - but these 5 year old toys are ridiculous.  Fifty parts, all of them under 1 cm, and they are all needed or the toy is useless. 

So I bought an obscene amount of those plastic shoeboxes and started sorting.  I'm proud to say it's done, and I now have four medium-sized boxes for selling and dontations!  You may even see some of them going for free on facebook as well.  My boys are finally getting past the age of some of their toys now that Corbin is almost four.  In the past, I couldn't get rid of anything because I needed toddler toys for Corbin and preschool toys for Hayden - which is why the toy pile got so ridiculous in the first place.  Fortunately, their maturity levels are a lot closer now and they basically play with the same things. 

The room is still a work in progress, but at least it's useable now and there are no more unpacked toy boxes!  Now, I just have to get rid of the extra toys in stealth - heaven forbid I get rid of their precious happy meal toys - broken though they may be.

Anyone have any secrets for dealing with the toys?  I'd love to hear them.

Our New "Pet"

 

Yesterday, Corbin came home with a "pet" or really a plant to water and care for.  We were instructed to bring it back on April 20th "no matter what the condition"...oh dear.  I hope this little plant doesn't follow in the footsteps of its predecessors in this house.  I really don't want to send him back with a pile of dirt - but I really do NOT have a green thumb.  I don't even know what kind of plant this is...I guess it will be a surprise, although I would hazard a guess that it's probably a bean plant.  I vaguely remember my mother killing mine when I was in school.

Things like this make me love my mom that much more, haha.  I swear I'm not a "plant killer", just forgetful.  We moms are human too!!  My first priority is to feed and water my children - and at least I'm doing that right...most of the time...

I will keep you posted on the impending doom of this plant!

Home Sweet Home

We're settling in more and more in our new home.

I love discovering new little things about our house.

Like the Jasmine vine that flowered this week and smells so wonderful!

One of those little "blessings" that really made my day.

Of course, I finally sit down to blog and Corbin spills his water all over the table!!

Bye for now.



The Less I Know

The older I get, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I think that's why writing on my blog has become harder.  I have no pearls of wisdom or great epiphanies.  Each new thing conquered often returns back into defeat.   I get the kitchen under control, only to have the laundry back up.  Or the kids are being (relatively) well behaved, but my quiet time is non-existent.  Or I'm spending time with God at the expense of my cleaning house.  Or some such other compromise.

I've learned that there are no 5 steps to greatness, happiness, or fulfillment.  And while my short-lived victories have me feeling on top of the world, that only means it's a longer fall down to pits-ville, HA!

If anything, I'm learning to be content (but not complacent) with where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  If my quiet time feels like I'm reading out of the Webster's Dictionary, that's ok.  Tomorrow is another day and I can give that up to God. 

The present moment has become more and more important as I realize that I don't want to be chained by the past, and the future is promised to no one (no matter how great "my" plans are).

I'm not sure if all this is just apathy, or being finally at peace with myself.  I'm nothing, if not honest on this blog, as you all well know.  I have no wish to paint a happy, fake picture of a perfect life.  And don't believe those facades on other blogs either.  The comparison game is old...and I think I lost a long time ago, haha.

Life these days is falling into a nice groove.  One could describe it as "busy", but I'm beginning to hate that word.  I think we overuse it and even use it as a measuring stick.  As if having a busy life somehow makes you a more valuable and worthy person.  We are all busy.  And we all have a great influence on how busy our lives are.  In other words, I often am the cause of my busyness.  And does busyness prove worth or give fulfillment?  I don't think so.

Corbin is on his first field trip today.  They went to the Dinosaur Park in Cedar Creek.  I can't help but count the minutes until I go pick him up.  I'm not usually a nervous parent, but he will be gone 2 more hours than usual and driving somewhere else, so it's got my mommy radar going off.  I miss my boy. :(

I'm still slowing unpacking things from the other house and we are still working on the old house.  Our schedule doesn't leave a lot of time for that sort of thing.  But we hope to have it finished soon.  Of course that adds stress - I will be one happy woman when that is finished!

For now I'm going to enjoy my Thursday afternoon.  Thursdays are quickly becoming my favorite day because it's the only day I don't have to go anywhere.  I can just enjoy being at home with my boys!!

Packing

I seriously think my junk multiplies with each box I pack.  Layer upon layer of "stuff" from over 10 years of living in this house.  My "I'll do/sort/throw it away it later" mentality is not serving me well now that I have to sort through all this stuff.  Blech.

Can a person change from a clutterbug (me) to someone who immediately deals with accumulation of junk?  I feel like I'm always in a rush and always putting off things until later.  I'll do those dishes later, I'll throw away that junk mail later, I'll sort through the boys toys later...and then when later comes there's always something else to be done.  Exhaustion...that's what I'm feeling!  Hehe.

Surely there's some site/blog/group out there for people like me?  If so, I'd love to know about it.