Wedded Wednesday

I've been enjoying Wedded Wednesdays over at The Candid Pastor's Wife for awhile, so I thought I'd join in the fun.  Click over to her blog for some more awesome marriage posts.

Okay, so I have a major personality flaw - I don't take criticism well...at all.

My instant reaction is defensiveness, anger, and then embarrassment.  I especially don't take criticism well from the one person who means the most to me on this earth - my husband.

Poor guy, that really leaves him in a hard spot.  Even when he preempts his criticism with "Now don't take this the wrong way" or " Don't get upset but" - I still instantly get upset before he even says anything.

Mostly it's because I want him to love everything about me.  I want him to be completely happy with me and think I'm better than college footballl!!!  (Yes, I know I'm not...)


I don't like to admit to myself that I am not in fact perfect and do not have it all together all the time - let alone my husband!  To know that my imperfectness is showing is like being naked in public.

So when he again had to point something out to me that needed a little, uh, improvement - I immediately tensed up.  The excuses came flooding out.  Then I played the blame game - "well I'm not perfect, but then again neither are YOU".  Then I did the cold shoulder.  Then I pouted.  Yes, I'm quite mature.

And that was an improvement from my usual reaction!

But, in the end, I let the criticism sink in and hit my heart.  Honestly, I agreed with it.  So about, oh, six hours later I admitted that he may have a point and that I will try to do better at that, even though it was really his fault that I overreacted to that particular situation.  Argh!  Why can't I just hear it and say, yes.  Yes, you are right.  That was wrong of me and I will work on that.  ???  What is so hard about admitting a mistake?  That I am flawed.  It's not like it's some big secret.

It's so important in marriage to be able to talk openly about issues and clear the air when we have disagreements.  Mentally, I know this - yet emotionally, I can't handle this.  It's frustrating to me.  Later when I think back over the situation, I know his criticism is perfectly valid and it's something I need to work on.  In fact, I'm glad he told me.  But, in the moment, I just can't take it.

How do you handle criticism from those closest to you?  Have you been able to handle it better over time?  What helps you curb that defensiveness?  Or am I alone on this one?

Happy Birthday Baby!

Guess who turned 32?  That's right, my awesome hubby.  We somehow managed to celebrate it between illnesses - gotta love January.  Cedar allergies, colds, and...wait for it...walking pneumonia.  I pray we're on the mend.  It's been awhile since I've done an all-nighter and let's just say I'm out of practice.

So, needless to say, I didn't get to do my annual Hubby post yet.  I mean, I've mostly said it all, but let me gush a bit more about my man since it is (or was) his special day.  

So here are some of my top reasons I love him:

1. He cooks a mean steak.

2. The first few weeks after Hayden's birth, he changed almost ALL of his diapers.

3. He's way neater than I am.  I will never be one of those wives who complain about their husband's messiness - quite the opposite actually!

4. Somehow, and I'm not quite sure how the heck he pulls this off, he always seems to be right....about everything.

5. He saved me from myself when I met him over 12 years ago. 

6. He "gets" my humor

7. He is my best friend and knows me better than I even know myself.

8. He's an amazing father and I've never loved him as much as when I see him with our boys.

9. I can be myself around him and never have to apologize for it.

10. He's hot. ;)

Happy Birthday Baby!

Psst...hey you...yeah you...guess what?

You see that guy down there in the picture...

He's cute, huh?

Well........

It's his BIRTHDAY!!!

I cannot express in words how deeply I love this man, and I've tried, yet it still isn't enough. So I'll just say...

I Love You Baby, Happy Birthday!!!

There's a Lesson Here

When Hayden was younger, I dreaded baby well checks. In each visit, they always found something wrong. As a new mom, it was nerve racking. The last thing you want to hear is that your baby has a problem.

Taking things for granted

There are so many little things our children do that we take for granted. And if you stop and think about it, they are really miraculous achievements. It's only when, they don't do something that you suddenly appreciate how complicated and difficult it really is. Learning to sit, crawl, eat, walk, and talk. They are all feats of wonder that we should look on with awe.

It's more than just talking

We are all excited to hear that much anticipated "Mommy" or "Daddy", to finally be able to communicate and teach our little ones about our world - but when it doesn't happen - you are led down this Alice and Wonderland world of communication. The word "talking" just doesn't cover it. Receptive language, expressive language, articulation, fluency - the list goes on. From there you go into hearing tests, surgeries, evaluations, and therapy. You learn about programs, therapists, and classes. Techniques, strategies, and sign language. A new world opens up to you.

Shame and guilt

Every parent carries the burden for the life of their child. When something happens, the first question you might ask yourself is "What did I do wrong?" Did I not read to them enough? Or maybe I didn't label items enough? I'm an introvert - maybe that's what's wrong, I don't talk enough? Maybe they didn't get enough vegetables? Or perhaps I shouldn't have said yes to that vaccine? Suddenly, you're questioning every parenting decision you've ever made, looking for the cause.

Losing the bragging game

There's an unspoken game that parents play with each other where we list the achievements and proud parent moments to all who will listen. It's a natural overflow of your delight in your own children, you want everyone to know how special and amazing they are. And we all do it in some form or another. Yet, it seems when you have a child with a disability or some other delay - you slowly learn to step down from this "game". Not because your child isn't amazing and wonderful, but because you now see the other side of this game. How this "measures" them in what they can or can't do and sets up false expectations and disappointments unfairly for them. I know there are many things that at one time or another my children couldn't do, but that doesn't make them any less in my eyes.

Walking with experience

Walking this road once before with Hayden, has prepared me for the battle ahead. Corbin's 18 month well check resulted in what I had expected - a referral for a speech evaluation. Corbin still has no words, and prefers pointing and limited baby sign language as his method of communication. Yet, instead of the fear, disappointment, and confusion I faced the first time around, I meet this with acceptance, peace, and understanding.

Encouragement

Our children and the challenges we've faced so far with them have made us better parents. They've made me cherish every word and achievement, see them for the amazing wonders they are, and have developed peace and patience in me. I wouldn't be the person and mother I am if we hadn't had these struggles. With each new battle I face I now pose the question: What's the lesson here?

What lessons have you learned from either your own struggles or those of your children? How has that helped you today?

All That I Am

All that I am and all that I have
I offer to you, my beloved,
in joy
in service
in sacred union.


All that I dream and all I desire
I ask from you, my beloved,
in thanksgiving
in anticipation
in celebration.


All that I need and all that is broken
in me I present to you, my beloved,
for your healing
for your nurturing and mending
for your soothing love.


All that I have been and all that I shall be
I bring into your midst, my beloved,
for your blessing
for your clear reflection
for your sacred witness.

All that I am and all that I have
I entrust to your heart, my beloved,
on this sacred day
and tomorrow
and always.

Happy Anniversary Baby!
It's been a wild nine years - can't wait for the rest.