Disconnected

When I was in elementary school, I hated missing a school day. I always felt like I had been left out or behind in some way that could never be recovered. Not educationally of course, but socially.

Going on a trip has that same feeling. That disconnected, left behind feeling. Quitting work was like that too. Maybe even a little harder. When you leave your work you see how "replaceable" you really are. How the world could swallow you whole and move on without you. How insignificant you really are. That one day you will die, and the world will continue to be. Life will continue, sunrise, sunset, friends, family, all will go on without you.

I was scared of death at one time. So much so I couldn't really think about it. What was death? What if you just stopped "being"? It would make my stomach drop.

In this little town, where everyone knows everyone else, death is an everyday occurance. My parents have been to 6 funerals this year. Their neighbor, 2 houses down, was found dead at home. She was in her 40's. Another neighbor that lived a few hundred feet down from their farm, shot himself. My Aunt's good friend, a name I'd heard so many times over the years, just died of cancer. A good friend of my cousin's, like a grandfather to her, geez my parents street is named after him, died 2 days ago. Death is everywhere here. I'd advise against drinking the water or breathing the air. It reminds you that death is real. Not some far away thing that happens to someone else. But something that will find you eventually.

...Morbid...sorry.

On a lighter note...Hayden is continuing to get better. Tomorrow is the last day of antibiotic. I'm coming home Saturday afternoon. It's fall!!! And I got a good night's sleep last night. I'm looking forward to my temperpedic mattress, this pull out couch is killing me. My neck is jacked. Tomorrow I'll have to round up all of our crap, I'm sure I'll leave something behind, I always do. I can't wait to see my hubby!! 1 more day.

In a land far, far away

Some of you may know that I'm currently visiting my parents. This trip has been completely exhausting and although I'm not ready to say good-bye to the folks, I am ready to be back home. It all started with a 2 hour flight to Nashville. Which went pretty well I must say. Besides 20 minutes of total fidgeting by Hayden, the rest of the flight he slept. Yay!

After getting off the plane, we checked out the Nashville Zoo. It was nice. Hayden really liked the red panda. It came right up to him behind the glass and he got all giddy. So, of course, the grandparents made sure if left with a red panda stuffed animal. While we were there he started sneezing a little. I jinxed myself by saying, "No, he's alright. He sneezes all the time." Uh-huh. I mean he does. But apparently this time was different. We then headed to the Opry Mills mall to look for a replacement night light for Hayden. He has this aquarium light that burned out after 9 months of constant use. Well a million mall-walking miles later we left empty handed.

Then we had to get in the car and drive 2 hours back to my parents house. Hayden did well until the last hour or so. You haven't been tortured until you've sat in the back seat of a Buick trying to protect your hysterical, sleepy, cranky baby from the sun. Oh how I appreciate my tinted windows now. We get him home finally and he runs all over the house "discovering".

Last time I visited things were alot different. 1.) I was still breastfeeding 2.) Hayden wasn't completely sleeping through the night. So I thought this trip would be better. Last time Hayden and I slept in the same room. But that didn't go so well. I woke up more often than usual and I was sleep deprived for most of the trip. So this time I thought I'd play it smart and put him in the office next to my room. Right. He did not like the office. He did not like being alone. He did not like the dark. He did not want to go to sleep! So, under pressure from the folks, we squeezed his pack-n-play into my room. (Last time I slept in my parents room because there really is no place to put the pack-n-play in the spare room). And we both went to sleep. For about an hour. All in all, I think I was up about 4 or 5 times that night. Ugh. I woke up dead. Hayden woke up with a runny nose.

I'm so sleep deprived at this point I don't even remember what happened on Saturday...I'm pretty sure there was a Saturday, but as for what we did, I cannot say. Let's skip to that night. This time I decided, fine, I'll sleep on the couch. Lucky for me it's a pull-out. Not as comfortable as the bed I was supposed to sleep in, but since Hayden stole that room, it's this or be up all night. This time Hayden wakes up 3 times. Coffee, coffee, coffee.

Sunday was my Dad's birthday, so we had planned to go up to Cumberland Lake and eat dinner. Hayden still has his runny nose. The drive is pretty much me trying to keep the sun out of his eyes and him screaming the forty minutes. Finally, we arrive...an hour early - it doesn't open yet. But we had planned on doing the swings and playground stuff with Hayden. Hayden, of course, loved the swings and the nature, but his temperment was still fussy. My parents and I took turns during dinner walking him around outside. :( Then he screamed the whole way home. He also started coughing.

That night was horrible. He was up every 30 minutes. Crying, coughing, wheezing. His cold was alot worse. Next morning, we called one of the 3 doctors in this town to see if he could see us. He doesn't get in until 10am (he does hospital rounds before that) so we had to wait until then just to see if he WOULD see Hayden. Fortunately, he does accept him, plus he's an in-network doctor for our insurance. Yay. After a 2 hour wait, the verdict is: ear infection and bronchitis. He gets two prescriptions and we go home to rest. Poor baby.

But, that night he sleeps straight through. A deep sigh of relief for me. Not only for his health, but my own sanity. I needed some sleep.

And now, I hope, I pray that tonight is another straight through the night sleep. Cause, man, I just want to sleep. We come home Saturday. Hopefully, Hayden will be feeling alot better by then. He's already sounding better cough wise, and the runny nose has lessened alot.

On a positive note, Hayden has learned to wave bye-bye and has even said bye-bye 3 times while waving. He's also started saying mama. Of course it sounds like mmm mmm mmm ma. But that's his word for it. =D

Good Results

So some of you may have thought I forgot about the whole healthy, weight loss thing. But no, I didn't. As of today I've lost 8 more lbs. Woot. I got pretty busy with church and other stuff. But this month i recommitted to getting healthy. And I have a ton more energy. Which is crazy, I actually feel like going for a run. Not a statement I would have made over the passed few months. It's amazing how much nutrition affects every part of your life.

Once I lose the weight, I'll let you know how I did it. Till then you'll just have to wait! That's all for now.

My Favorite Time of Year

Memories...

1. Shopping with my Mom for new school clothes.
2. Organizing all my school supplies (the only time of year I was ever organized)
3. Getting all my text books for the year.
4. Freshman year on campus
5. Moving into the dorm for the first (and last) time
6. Football season
7. Marching Band
8. My first date with Mark - pizza with the saxes.
9. My first drink
10. My first party
11. Walking through the leaves on campus
12. Marching through the tunnel for the first time
13. Decorating our house for fall/halloween for the first time with Mark
14. Halloween parties
15. Halloween on sixth street
16. Baby shower

And now I've been bitten by the fall bug. I'm eagerly anticipating the change in the air, and they change in people. Little do we realize that our attitudes shift in a minute but distinct way. And that shift makes all the difference. I love the change the comes into my home. I love the smells and warm colors of fall.

Yes, Texas does have a more subtle change then most places, the temperatures do not drop, nor the leaves as they should, but it's still there.

And even if it's not, I'll make it there. I generally transform my environment into a fall wonderland of sorts. And I'm not shy about starting early. True, fall does not begin until the end of September, but in my mind the season begins as soon as school starts!

And that happened today!

So up go the fall leaf garlands. Out come the scarecrows, squash, and scented candles. Into the oven goes the pumpkin bread. Simmering in the pot is the cider. Fall has come into the Zavala house.

**Photo by Memotions

Martha Stewart Disaster Day

I do officially declare this Martha Stewart Disaster day. So, yesterday I was in the store and I saw these cute kits where you can sew you're own little baby book. All the pages are already printed, all you have to do is just sew the pages together with some batting, and voila! Yeah.

So 2 hours later, and I've given up for today. I have now sewn the pages together incorrectly TWICE, and have spent nearly an hour pulling out the stitches.

My mind was not made for following written directions. I neeeeeed pictures people. This whole "sew wrong side to right side, then right side to wrong side" talk just confuses me, obviously. So yes, I'm a sewing nightmare, my Grandma would be disappointed.

Sorry for the horrible lack of posting lately. I truly have been busy. And no, I'm not just saying that to sound cool or something. Like, "I'm oooooh, so busy". HA! Let's recap my last 7 days...

Saturday started with sorting 10,000 door hangers into piles of 200 with Merae. It ended with our new churches Charter service. Basically, we all sign a pretty piece of paper saying we're committed to the church, which then was put into a nice frame.

Sunday started at the crack of dawn, since our old church was spending part of their service time recognizing us (the new CrossRoads church) and we did a candle light ceremony. But HCBC (Hill Country Bible Church) likes to rehearse things, so we had to be there at 8:15 am. We did the ceremony for both services, so that wasn't over until 12. Then I rushed home to check on a sick baby (Mark stayed home with Hayden...such a good daddy). Then rushed over to River Oaks Elementary for our first unloading and setting up of the new church. Since we meet in an elementary school, we set up and tear down each Sunday. I worked on the nursery and assembling swings, bouncers, and exersaucers until 4, then we loaded it all back up. I then rushed back home to sick baby and tired daddy.

Monday was the first day of our Blitz week. I.e. letting the community in the area know about our new church with door hangers. Megan and I did that for 2 hours, then I came back home to get ready for Hayden's doctor's appointment. The doctor checked out his skin tag and informed us that to remove it would require surgery (scheduled for next Wednesday btw). Then since Hayden had some fluid in his ears, he wanted to do some auditory tests to check his hearing. Verdict: 9 month olds aren't interested in hearing tests. Ha. Monday night ended with me (and Hayden) going to the ministry leaders meeting. I'm not sure they appreciated the distraction he brought, but no one said anything. Hopefully, next time I can give Mark enough notice so he can watch him.

Tuesday was Hayden's 9 month checkup, all went well even though he was still a little sick. I went mall walking with a good friend and then Hayden and Samson (an adorable little one close to his age) played.

Wednesday was another Blitz day. That evening was community group (a bunch of friends getting together to hang out and talk about life, or maybe a book).

Thursday started with shopping. Our church wanted to do some gifts for the teachers of the school we meet in. Merae and I went to Garden Ridge, Hobby Lobby, Sam's, and Walmart. Then I painted 30 road runners on clay pots. (School mascot) . When that was over, I went to play softball.

Hayden coughed all night, so I took him to the doctor this morning - he was fine. Then off to lunch with Jenny.

All in all, a busy week - no time for chatting, email, or blogging. Hopefully, I'll have more time next week!!!

Enjoying the Good Life

Hello folks! Sorry my blogging has been sporadic lately, but it's true...I've been enjoying the good life.

New realization and freedoms this week, or really last week.

#1 I can enjoy my life

#2 I don't have to feel guilty about enjoying my life

I finally have what I've said I've always wanted. And somehow, I didn't think I could enjoy it. Our culture is always telling us that we aren't happy, can never be happy, and should always be looking to acquire the next skill or possession. You can never have enough money, beauty, or love. You need to feel appreciated, valued, and affirmed. You need to be pampered, indulged, and desired. You need to be busy, fast-paced, and in demand.

You know what I say to that...BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I have been set FREE. I can finally breathe. I have no boss to impress or try to make like me. I have no need or desire to yearn for. I have no debt or possession to obsess over. Finally, I can make that old line truth...It's not having what you want, it's about wanting what you've got." And that's such a real truth. You will never acquire enough stuff to satisfy that monster inside, that needs MORE. So let the monster out.

I can't believe I was still caught in the american nightmare...being miserable and wishing for something more. So many of us are miserable. I'll stand up and be one of them. And even after I got what I wanted, I still told myself that I was miserable. Now I needed something else. This wasn't good enough either. Everyone else was miserable, I should be to.

BUT, oops, I'm not miserable. And I'm not going to tell myself that I am anymore. I'm going to enjoy this life that God has given me and put it to good use. I'll enjoy all that He has made and blessed me with, and not obsess over what He hasn't.

So although I can't afford dinners out and fancy techno-gadgets, I can have so much more. I can have gardens, walks, swimming, and music. I can have family, game nights, and enjoying great friends.

And that's what I wish for all of my friends. If you are out there and you call yourself my friend, or hell even aquaintance, know this: I hope you are blessed with this gift of freedom, freedom to live your lives without the yoke of obsessions. I am truly blessed to have met each and every one of you, and you are all so special to me. So unique and gifted, and I am proud to call you my friends.

Oooooh, and on a completely different track, I found some unique, strange, and wacky games that I'm dying to set up a game night for. I'm bringing back game nights!!!!

Lemme know who's interested!!!

Not Meant to Be

Well, although nothing is official, it looks like I will not be taking the job after all. The fisrt person I talked with yesterday really had me interested and seemed like they would be willing to work with me on my desire to work from home. But today I talked to a second person and got the complete opposite impression. Once again I remembered all the reasons I had for quitting in the first place (besides having a baby). So I politely sent an email informing him that the terms we discussed today wouldn't work for me and thank you, but no thanks. It was kind of like quitting all over again, except this time it wasn't because I was having a baby, but because I truly didn't want to work there under those conditions.

Crazy how you can swing from one end of the spectrum to the other in just 24 hours. But that's my life.