Just Me Right Now

My world was indeed shaking this weekend when Hayden was hospitalized for his asthma attack. I don't think I'm yet recovered from it. I smile and nod. I say, he's doing much better now. But part of me wants to curl up in a ball and sob. Just to release all the stress of it.

I had to be stronger than I've ever been. There was no time for crying. There was no room for pity. I was fighting. Fighting for the health of Hayden. I put on my game face and just "did it". I restrained him for breathing treatments, vital signs, shots, whatever needed to be done I did it. And when he begged for them to stop and cried out "No hurta me", I didn't break down and cry - I said (in my best firm Momma voice) "Hayden, you have to do it. If you fight it's going to be worse. It's ok baby".

I endured it. I came through it. A little stronger, a little weaker.

And when we came home from the hospital on Sunday night, I sucked it up and went back into Momma mode. 10 hours of sleep in 4 days + stress + intense physical restraining = exhausted. But someone's gotta be Momma on Monday.

And where did that "strength" come from? I think it came from Him. Somehow, despite the constant beeping of the STUPID pulse alarm that kept coming off, and the 24/7 screaming and crying of Hayden, and the exhaustion, and and and...despite all THAT, I felt this peace. And I felt a confidence, that I could endure it, even though it felt impossible.

And for that, I'm thankful.

Hayden is back home now after his 2 day stay, and doing much better. You'd never know he'd just spent his birthday in the hospital.

In every marriage, there will probably come a season where you will have to spend more time apart than you'd prefer. Maybe he's working nights, long hours, traveling, whatever the reason - it's no secret that it can wear on you and cause stress.

That's us right now. Mark's working at a new job and thus, has to put in the hours to learn the new products and get up to speed. In previous years, I've never handled this season well. This time, I've taken a new approach:

1. Set Your Expectations

My previous failures all had this in common - I'd have some expectation of when Mark should arrive home, and then when he missed the mark I'd flip out and a tidal wave of emotions ranging from disappointment to rage would appear.

Now, I set the expectation that the kids and I will be eating dinner alone. I will be putting the kids to bed by myself. I will be changing all the diapers, wiping the noses, reading the stories, and tucking them in. When I set myself up with that expectation, then I have nothing to be disappointed in. In fact, if Mark should make it home early - I'm pleasantly surprised! What a change from before.

For instance, 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1: I expect Mark to get home for dinner by 6:30. I prepare dinner and wait, fuming. I end up burning part of it because I'm caught up in my own grumbling. Kids and I eat cold, partial burnt dinner. Mark arrives home at 7:30. I sulk about his lateness, nag him to come home earlier and go to my room to read.

Scenario 2: I make dinner for the kids and I. We eat a pleasant dinner and clean up. We get ready for bed. Mark walks in right before I have to change diapers. I'm totally surprised he's home before kids are down. I hand diaper duties over to Daddy and get to relax while he talks about his day and puts kiddos to bed. We then enjoy a movie together.

Hmmm...which sounds better? And what was the difference? Only my attitude.

2. Plan your evening alone, but welcome a "guest"

I don't know when Mark will arrive home. It might be a late night and I may have 2 or 3 extra hours to myself after the kids go to bed. Then again, he might walk in the door early. I have learned to keep busy when I'm alone. And in all honesty, I enjoy my alone time - because I don't get much of it in the first place. What a perfect time to read a good book, watch a chick flick Mark doesn't want to see, or do my quiet time. I can work on a craft project, or just veg on the internet doing useless facebook status updates! Taking care of two children and a husband doesn't often afford "me time", so why not take advantage of it?

That being said, I may not have 2 or 3 hours to myself and I need to be ready to "switch gears" if Mark should come home. I enjoy spending time with Mark, and during this season when it's unpredictable when I'll have time with him, I don't want to waste a night by insisting - "I'm reading". I always try to have a movie ready or take a break from my "activities" to just hang out and talk. And sometimes we part our ways - he plays games, I finish my movie - but other times we do something together.

3. Get plenty of rest

This is so important. Taking care of two children and a house ALL day and evening alone IS tiring. This is a season where it's OK to take a nap, go to bed early, or take breaks during the day to relax. We are not machines and our minds and bodies do need to replenish. Going to bed at a reasonable time, and learning not to overdo it during the day has helped me push through what ends up being a really long week. This is not the time for me to do large scale projects or cleaning. In the past, I've worn myself out during the day, which turned me into a grumpy beast the next day for kids and husband.

4. Don't nag

This was a big one for me, and still is. I mean, I'm a woman, and I've got an opinion. In fact, I don't think it's just an opinion - it is THE right thing to do. Look here hubby, if you would just do X, then this wouldn't be a problem. Or if you wouldn't do Y then things would be sooooo much better. Why can't you just do....

Yeah. It's annoying just typing it and it's annoying to him.

And it doesn't make anything better.

It just makes everyone miserable.

Him - cause your nagging him and no one likes to be nagged.

You - cause your nagging is creating negative feelings in you that will affect your attitude, perspective, and behavior.

Just don't nag.

So what do you do instead?

4. Feast in Him

So how do you find that extra strength?

How do you get through another hour? 5 minutes?

How do you not scream in frustrations?

How do you not run screaming out the door when he comes home?

How do you keep from going to that negative, complaining, whining place?

How do you stop from setting all your needs and expectations on your husband?

Each day I have to wake up and make a choice. I can live for me - with my needs, wants, desires, frustrations, complaints, etc. Or...

I can live for Him. I can focus my heart on Him first. I can spend precious minutes (and I mean minutes...we're moms here not nuns) feasting on His Word and spending intimate time at His feet. I can follow hard after Him. Applying His truths to my life, being a servant to my family - not for their sakes, but for Him. How much more noble does life become if we are serving Christ, not man? It's easier to change that diaper, wipe up that spilled milk, and give loving (not exasperated) discipline if I'm doing it all in the heart of serving Christ. Now there's a boss!!!

But I don't always choose Him, because it is a daily choice and I'm a forgetful woman. Some days I wake up and choose Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And those are the days I yell at my kids, nag my husband and complain ALLLLLLL day (that was probably yesterday or the day before).

So to remind me, I posted the fruits of the spirit in my kitchen:

So that's it. That's how I cope. Nights are long and lonely without my hubby, but it's only for a season. I could choose to suffer through this time, but I choose peace and contentment.

So, maybe I'm the only one - but my bedroom is like the graveyard of unwanted/unplaced items in our house.

Company coming over? - throw the extra stuff in our room.
Suitcases? - Scoot them under the bed
Clothing that doesn't fit? - Make a thousand different size/season piles around the room
Kid's toys? - Randomly left in a trail from the door to the bathroom
Dirty clothes? Start out in the hamper, then begin flooding into the room
Duvet cover? - On the floor because the darn thing kept getting twisted around
Blankets? - On the floor because it goes from 50 degrees to NINETY in 24 hours
Pillows? - My body pillow from PREGNANCY is still hanging around the bed
Water bottles/cups? - Apparently I must think I'm really thirsty

And then there are the magazines and books...

Let's just say, I'm a reader. And now let's also say, I'm the mother of two children under 3. Hmmm... My reading time these days is limited, but my desire is HUGE!! There exists an insurmountable pile of books around my bed. Books that I have started reading, am reading, or want to read.

I pulled all of these books out tonight and started categorizing them...parenting, spiritual, homemaking, nutrition, etc. And then I got a grand idea. I still LOVE being able to read multiple books at once - I get easily bored with a subject. But having mountains of books drowning me in my bedroom is not working. So I chose one book from each of the categories I had stacked around me. This narrowed down my book pile to 6 books (from about 40). Then I put the rest of the books in my huge book trunk (what? you don't have a book trunk? you need one!) and made a new rule for myself. I can pull a new book out when I finish one from that category. No more insane book piles. And when I finish, I can either keep the book for reference/re-read if it's good, or sell it, give away, whatever. But I have to make a choice.

I might even start posting my finished books up here in case anyone wants to add to their reading list. I'm all for book borrowing, or even keeping if it's not one I want to keep.

The latest book finished was The Disappearance of God. Not typically a book I would pick out, but it was left here by my Mom when she visited. If anyone wants it, it's yours.

So that's one bedroom task down...only a million more to go.

Okay, so Halloween is tomorrow, but I will not be posting on a Saturday - so Happy Halloween!!!!

This year Mark and I are enjoying Halloween alone without the kiddos. We're heading to San Antonio to watch the Notre Dame game and enjoying all the friends and festivities that go along with that!

Hubby has been working extra hard this week at his new job and I have been feeling lonely without him here.

But last night he walked in the door with this:



It's a Halloween bouquet. Isn't it awesome?

It's fitting that it's raining today, since today is the first day of our "new life". The rain is washing away the stress of the last three months and starting us fresh.

I now have the house to myself again. Just me and my boys. Each day during the week is now under my control and is ready to be structured! We've lived in limbo for awhile, just waiting for the next interview or phone call. Trying to stay quiet so Daddy can do a phone interview or work on his resume.

There are definite skills the boys need to work on, so today I'm working on a plan for them.

Heart training: Most behavioral issues boil down to a heart issue, so we've identified the heart issue around the behaviors and are working from that direction.

With Hayden we've identified obedience, defiance, anger, and self-control has his areas of weakness. Obedience, such as coming when called, and listening to directions (like don't run into the street!). Defiance, such as talking back to us (Noooo Mama). Anger, such as hitting or throwing tantrums when angry. And self-control, such as being able to sit still for short periods of time. We are currently working on all of these.

With Corbin, we've begun working on self-control and obedience. Self control, such as sitting still for diaper changes and not fighting, as well as listening when we say "No". Obedience, such as learning to come to us when asked.

Skills training: Obviously, only a small part of my job as a mother is discipline! I mostly should be training them the skills they will need in the future - or even now.

Most of our work with Hayden is on communication and speech development. All of our "conversations" and day are built around teaching him new vocabulary. Today we worked on shapes and colors, as well as weather words (since it's raining). But I have other goals for him as well. We're continuing potty training which we've not been able to concentrate on much yet. As well as independent skills like dressing himself.

With Corbin, we are working on speech and independent play. We are starting our limited "alone" play this week in hopes to reduce a bit of his need for constant holding and interaction. We also are working on sign language and verbal communication. This week all of his toys have been rotated to farm animals, I'm hoping that he will pick up some words or animal sounds.

God Training: All of the other goals are "good", but I think the most important training I'll do is to show them about God and His love!!

With Hayden, we are going through Read Aloud/The Tell-Me Stories. We have Volume 1 as well as the Jesus Parables. Hayden is loving them! These books have wonderful full page pictures with simple, concise stories that are easy to understand, yet don't lose the meaning of the story. My frustration with most bible story books are that they have been either too wordy or they "dumb down" the story SO much that it doesn't even have the message left in it!!!

We are also teaching Hayden the three basic truths from the church curriculum. God made me, God loves me, and Jesus wants to be my friend forever. At this point, if you ask Hayden "Who made you?" he will answer "God!".

Now that Corbin is learning signs, I want to start teaching him simple bible songs that he can do the hand motions with. He really enjoys that. He's still a bit young for the bible stories. Both my kids have never been able to sit still for a story! Hayden just now (at almost three) is interested in listening to stories. Most of my story/book reading with Corbin is him flipping the pages until he get's to the end and running off!

And that's it! I just pick a few needed goals for each child and work hard on those. Yes, there are lots of other things I'd love them to learn or do, but you can only do so much at a time!!

For my own goals, I've set mostly home related ones. I want to be consistent in a daily quiet time - I don't function well without it! As for the home, I am devoting afternoons to general cleaning and house-pickup in order to get ready for Mark's arrival. The mornings will be for activities with the kids and errands. And that's it. With two little ones, I can't have lofty goals at this season in my life. HA!

Cold, rainy days are for...

• Doing laundry - is there anything better than nice warm clothes from the dryer?
• Enjoying a homemade cappuccino - who wants to go out in the rain for one?
• Watching Dinosaur Train! - or so says Hayden.
• Catching up on some reading.
• Soup
• Cozy socks
• Naps!
• Scented candles
• Relaxing at home