Thursday, June 28, 2007

I'm Unique, Just Like Everyone Else

First, let me give credit where credit is due. Photo is from Ingorr on Flickr.

This morning has been interesting. I've been exploring other blogs on Blogger. Not too much going on actually, we're all leading quite boring lives. Except maybe those of us in other countries, I can't really read your blog (I can only speak English, and order food in Spanish), so maybe you guys are doing interesting things. I'll never know.

I found:

1.) Quite a few of us are trying to lose weight. No surprise there.
2.) Many of us are pissed at one friend or another. Too bad we're not perfect. HA! A thought just came into my head...if we all had blogs I'm sure there would be at least one person blogging about what an ass I was at any given moment.
3.) Alot of blogs are totally bullshit advertisements. What a freakin waste of space.
4.) Alot of us are keeping our blogs anonymous. Not me of course, which has been an interesting choice for me. Cuts down on the topics, like the afore mentioned bitching about friends.
5.) Some of us are freakin amazing artists, either visually or verbally. Wow guys. I hope you're not squandering your talent on blogging. Cause people need to read/see your stuff!

So weird, I'm blogging about other people blogging. Is that like taking a picture of someone taking a picture of you? Hmmmmm...that's one to ponder while on the toilet.

Anyway, new topic. I've been seriously considering trying to start up my painting again. I'm starting to have longer chunks of time. Maybe even enough to work on a painting or two. It's been so long though that I honestly would suck. My drawing is horrible right now. For me drawing has always been a talent only through practice, same as my piano. If I get away from it, it turns to shit. Well, I always keep some retained talent in piano, but only because I took lessons for over 10 years. Had to have been worth something.

Interesting tidbit about me...I only paint when I drink. So maybe this should be more of a night time hobby. Drinking at 10am doesn't sound good...or does it? Just kidding. Drinking just takes the edge off. Removes the little voice inside that says the painting is going to turn out shitty. But don't drink too much, or it will!!! I guess you could pass it off as abstract. (The entire abstract art community just gasped and passed out at the comment - sorry guys, I love your work).

It's been raining here, for, well forever. And surprisingly, I haven't gotten stir crazy. I guess my little man has been keeping me thoroughly entertained. Hayden that is, not Mark. ;) But I've always liked rain. There was a bit of time after Hayden was born that I would get pretty depressed when it was raining out, but that seems to have passed.

Postpartum depression is definitely a real thing, that even visited my crazy brain. No idea what it is or why it is, but I was totally down there for a few months. And then, like a cloud dissipating, it was gone. I could suddenly get up off that couch, smile, enjoy the day, enjoy Hayden, not be so lonely. Maybe it had something to do with starting exercising again too. That definitely helps my moods. I have to admit that I've been slacking on that front. Yes I ADMIT IT. But, thanks to my truly gorgeous friend Jenny, I worked out today. She inspires me to get off my lazy ass. She's beautiful and in good shape, yet still gets out there and works out; so why shouldn't I? After chatting with her for a few minutes, I got up and worked out, from sheer shame.

I recently saw "A Good Year". I liked it. Nothing monumental, but it did make me want to go out and buy a bottle of wine. If that was the intended purpose - it worked.

I also saw "Invincible", again a good movie. But left me with one question: How the hell did his wife pack up and move all their shit out of the house in one day? I guess Mark is lucky to have such a lazy wife. I'd be "leaving him" for a month. Plenty of time for him to figure it out. No surprise empty house scene. I'd still be cussing and searching around for cardboard boxes.

Tomorrow I'm treating my inner girl to one of my favorite movies - The Sound of Music. Screw anyone who has a problem with that movie, I love it.

Another dinner with friends tonight - I'll be sure to take pics for my wall!!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Not Rotting My Brain

I have discovered some important truths about life today. Yes, I'm slow - it's taken me 26 years to figure these things out.

1.) My mother was right. TV does rot your brain.
2.) God was right. Material stuff will never make you happy.
3.) Old folks were right. Technology is not always a good thing.

There! Three essentials to happy living. To explain: First, I have had some of my most depressed days just sitting around watching TV. Being a stay at home Mom, I have learned that the TV must not even be turned on, because once it's on, it doesn't like to turn off!! It takes over your mind and you become passive and lazy. With the TV off, life turns on. The possibility of the day unfolds to you. You have every opportunity at your feet. Yes, you must do those things that need to get done. But in those spare few minutes you can taste life. A cold glass of ice tea out on the porch. A few pages of a wonderful novel. A brief conversation with a friend. A thankful prayer. A sunset or sunrise (I don't usually make it up for that). Watching the rain fall. Listening to the thunder. Trying out a new recipe. Enjoying a glass of wine. A dinner with friends (at home! I'll come back to that later). Playing with your baby. Smelling the freshly washed clothes you're folding. Watering a few plants. Taking a few pictures. Possibilities are endless. But turn on that TV and your day will suddenly be filled with the latest crappy movie, episodes of CSI, HGTV, you name it. And what did you gain for it? You watched someone else live the life you want. You were tempted by the advertisement of the possession you don't currently own. You saw the preview for the next show or movie coming on. But nothing real.

Back to dinner at home, what is with our culture of eating? So many restaurants. Eating has become entertainment. No wonder we're all so fat. I have recently started the practice of inviting friends to dinner at home, not out at a restaurant. And the experience has been so much better. There is something wonderful about opening your home to friends and family, sharing your life. Getting personal. We are a people of closed doors and not even knowing our neighbors. How sad. So lonely.

My second lesson I've learned, stuff won't make you happy. The laptop, the new car, the new kitchen gadget collecting dust, the cute clothes for the baby, the bigger house, all of it. Just metal, plastic, fabric, wood, nothing. Yet we strive our whole lives for the next purchase. Just a little more. Just one more thing. The newest, latest, greatest whatever. Our houses are the graveyards of Walmart, Target, and department store purchases. Just collecting dust. Rotting. Rusting. Gone.

The third lesson is really about busyness. Are you enjoying life or are you so "plugged in" that you spend all your time reading pointless emails and sending text messages? Are you missing your real life for the little device in your hand? Or the computer on your desk? The phone on your ear? Can you really just turn it off? Not on silent, not on vibrate, but off? What is it that you think you'll miss? Why do you need to know right now? What can't wait an hour, 4 hours, a day? Is it more important than your life? Do you know how to be still? I mean STILL.

Try this for me:

Take one day. One day out of the thousands in your life.

1.) Don't turn on the TV.
2.) Don't buy anything.
3.) Turn off the cell phone, the computer, the blackberry, the trio, all the little buzzing and noisy gadgets of your life.
4.) Learn what it's like to be unreachable.
5.) Watch a sunset
6.) Slow down the pace.

It's just one day. One little day. And everyone has a day. I don't care who you are. All your excuses are bullshit.

Monday, June 25, 2007


OK, I'm back! Sorry, I've been kidnapped by a giant wedding monster. Anyone who's either had a wedding or been in one knows what I'm talking about. The monster devours anyone in its path. But it's all over now. The wedding colors were very beautiful - ivory and apple. I really liked the flower girl's dress. I really liked my dress! Ha. Somehow, I didn't get one damn picture of it though. Bah. Oh well, guess I'll have to wear it again! Hayden stole the show that day. He was absolutely adorable in his little tuxedo. As always, pictures can be found on flickr:

Last night we had friends over for dinner, it was wonderful! Jin and Hailey are so awesome, we had such a good time! I've recently decided that I want to transform one wall in my dining room into a gallery of photos from all our dinners with friends. I'm still coming up with ideas on how to display the pictures, so if you have any ideas let me know! I'm doing 5x7 photos. I've already sent the first one of Jin, Hailey, Kaizer (their adorable puppy, ok dog), and Hayden to HEB photo. In fact, it's ready now. They're so fast! But seriously guys, I need ideas for displaying the pics. I asked for music recommendations a few posts back and got NOTHING. Soooo, either no one's reading this (which COULDN'T possibly be true ;) ) or you guys don't listen to music (might be true).

And now for a recommendation from me for a romantic 4 minutes and 21 seconds. Regardless of whether you're a country fan or not do the following in the very near future:

1. Wait until dark
2. Clear a space in a room with a stereo or other music playing device
3. Light a few candles
4. Grab two beers from the fridge (your choice)
5. Drink half the beer
6. Throw in Brooks & Dunn Neon Moon
7. Dance with the one you love (or think you love)

(Western wear optional, but fun)

And that's all today folks!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Starting Back Up

Well after my brush with success, I've been slacking. So tomorrow marks my restart of the program. Just a wee bit tired of making food. Honestly, I'm lazy. Plus, our money for groceries is gone for this month - and damnit if I don't keep running out of ingredients. Why does eating healthy have to be so expensive?

Living on a budget certainly complicates things and simplifies them at the same time. Complicated, in that convenience purchases are out; simplified, in that you have less choices on what you can do and buy. This months budget is completely blown. Between birthdays, weddings, and our one date night in 6 months, we've spent way more than we earned.

Monday was date night!! Just Mark and I, no baby. It was great to just be alone, and be us. Not parents. What's wonderful, is that it still feels right. He still makes me laugh, I still love being with him. I hear some people say that when they're alone, they feel awkward. But it's not like that with us. We downed a few drinks at Halcyon, then went for wings at Daddy's. Nothing spectacular, but it was good just to be together and having fun. I hope we can try to do this more than twice a year. Because it's worth every minute.

This week has been interesting. I guess I just have low emotional days or something. For some reason yesterday was rough. I supposed I'm just tired of everyone's drama. I kind of wanted to lock my door and turn off my phone. Just be me. Just be calm. Just be quiet. No backbiting, no complaining, no making people feel ok, no more trying to be everything to everyone. Just me and the silence. Being a Mom takes its toll, which means sometimes I just don't have enough of me to go around. This week the drain has been with family. Mark's brother is getting married this weekend, and of course my mom is an ever present challenge - although our relationship is improving. I'm still getting over the need to win approval from her. Always trying to please everyone, that's my downfall. Trying to please everyone always turns into pleasing no one. Weird how that happens.

I just can't stretch the day out as much as I need. Honestly, there aren't enough hours in the day. Hayden requires almost constant attention at this age. Laundry and dishes continue to pile up. Friends and family need love and support. Mark needs love and support. Plants always need watering. Pets are getting no attention from me. Trying to help out with church. Struggling to make time for God and prayer in my life. Preparing healthy meals, working out 5 days a week. And all the details and little things in between.

Generally, I can do it. But every now and then, I sink. Yesterday was a sinking day. So distracted, so overwhelmed, not knowing which way to turn, basically...tired. So I sunk. But eventually I'll float back to the top. And that's where I am now. Somewhere between the bottom and above water. Hopefully, closer to the surface than the bottom.

Monday, June 18, 2007

And the number is....

So you've all been waiting patiently (or impatiently) to hear the news. So I lost....(drum roll please)...5 lbs.

Which is exactly how much I wanted to lose in two weeks. I have to say the perfectionist in me was disappointed. But the realist said, "Good enough". But, I am happy with my progress so far. I know I've lost inches and started to tone up my arms and legs. I can see that. And it has nothing to do with the scale. I can fit into things I couldn't 2 weeks ago. So there is a lot of progress, just not visible simply through weight.

So now it's time to set new goals! Wooohooo!!

Long term: 33 lbs
Intermediate: 18 lbs
Short: 8 lbs

Realistically, I could lose 8 lbs in 4 weeks. That sets the date as July 16th. Not stepping on the scale everyday was actually very motivating because I never knew if I was on track or not. So I had to eat healthy every day. So once again I'm going to stay off that scale until July 16th. Trust me, this is very, very hard for me. I've had eating "issues", well lets just go ahead and say disorder, in the past - and the scale typically rules my life, even when it's going up instead of down.

The only frustrating part right now is that my arms, chest and legs are getting smaller, but nothing else. HA! And my real issue is of course the belly after the baby. I guess it will take a little while to lose that. So all my shirts fit, but my jeans don't. Argh. My big butt and waist are my stumbling block.

Well that's enough body talk. I had fun taking pics of Hayden this morning:

Now he's staring at me, smiley. Cute little man! He's almost in 12 month clothes now, so I had to go shopping yesterday. Found some great deals at Target. It's funny how you change, the first clothes I bought because they were cute. Now I buy them because they're cheap! He typically hates wearing the cute stuff anyway. Too many buttons or snaps, or too itchy. Always something. Haha.

I'm also trying to decide whether to buy an exersaucer or one of those stationary bouncers. They kind of look like the exersaucer, but they allow the baby to bounce up and down. I'll probably end up with an exersaucer, since I'm seeing that there are lots for sale on craig's list. For all those buying baby equipment in the near future, this is the place to get it! Save yourself some money.

Well, back to mommy world!!!!

Friday, June 15, 2007

One More Day

One more day...and then I'll be able to see if all this diet and exercise has had any effect. I was so close to jumping on the scale this morning. In fact I was standing in front of it ready to hop on. Argh. But I stopped myself. I said I'd wait till Saturday and I will!!!! So we'll see. Tomorrow will be an interesting blog day. I'll either, A) Be totally pissed off because I haven't lost or B.) Be totally ecstatic with the results.

Hayden is so adorable. I'm upstairs and he's in the swing next to me. He's fallen asleep, but his little head hasn't fallen back on the pillow yet so it's bobbing back and forth. We're so excited because he's starting to learn to crawl. He's figured out how to get on his hands and knees now. And he's even getting on his hands and toes, like a little push up. Strong little bugger. Last night rocked, Hayden slept from 1-8am. Which is not the norm. Usually there are two feedings in there. I think we're finally gonna get some sleep around here.

My arms are sore from my workout yesterday, sheesh. But that's good I guess. I do love these workouts though. However, this week the reps and sets were moved up, so I'm getting my butt kicked.

I saw a full rainbow yesterday. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, I only had my camera phone. So if you want to see it I can send it to your phone. Just let me know. I wish I had had my camera, that would have rocked. Camera phones suck.

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Only a woman

I'm only a woman
of flesh and bone
and i wept much
we all do.
i thought i might die alone
but i had never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never met you
so baby be good to me.

I got nothin to give you, you see
except everything, everything, everything, everything.
all the good and the bad.
cause i've been bad.
i've lied, cheated, stolen,
and been ungrateful for what i have
and i'm afraid habits rule my wake in life
and i'm scared
and i'm runnin
in my sleep for you.
but all the oceans, and rivers and showers
will wash it all away and make me clean for you.
cause i have never (x15) met you.

so lets take a loan and put it down
on a house in a place we've never lived
in a place that exists
in the pages of scripts and in songs that they sing
and all the beautiful things
that can make you weep but don't have to make you weak
cause i never (x27) love somebody
the way that i loved you.

"I never" - Rilo Kiley

I love this song. I think this is what every girl wants to feel, or at least a girl like me. And I hate when life (or a guy) stomps on you, even if you knew he wasn't Mr. Right. Every girl should be treated like the princess she is. I wish I could protect all my friends from the jerks of this world. I love you sweetie! The good guys are out there. I promise.

On the lighter side, I scoured my closet yesterday to see how the clothes are fitting. And yay! A dress I tried on just 2 weeks ago, that I couldn't zip up, fits!!!! Kudos to me. ;)

P.S. The pic is of me, happy in my dress....haha

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Clean house and good dinner

Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was a bit busy. We had two of our friends over for dinner and I had to do a massive cleaning. But wow! Now my house rocks.

First, the coolest part of the night was the news that our friends are having a baby!!!!!! Amazing. She's due in October, which is awesome, since another one of our friends is also due in October. Babies everywhere. It will be nice to have more friends with babies. Hmmm....I'm thinking babysitting! Woot.

The dinner couldn't have gone better, and with the baby news we had plenty to talk about. I didn't get to make my separate dinner (no time) for my diet, so I ate what I fixed everyone else. But it was still all fat free, so no major guilt there. I guess I'll make that meal today for lunch or dinner.

I have to say one more time how refreshing it feels to have a clean house. Now I just need to keep it this way, we'll see. Having a 7 month old doesn't exactly make that an easy job.

So dinner was awesome, and afterward I actually worked out (at 10pm) while Mark cleaned up the dishes.

Today should be fun, I'm going for a walk with one of the Mommies from my birthing class last year. In fact, I need to get dressed! That's in 30 minutes.....

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Lazy Sunday

Not much to blog about really. Today was for resting. Tomorrow will be busy. I made the nastiest dinner ever. Jenny should thank her lucky stars she didn't come over. I now know that there is a big, no HUGE, difference between regular and low sodium soy sauce. Bleh! Eh, whatever. Live and learn.

Tomorrow night we're having friends over for dinner. We haven't seen them in probably a year!! It should be great.

Today's been nice - Sunday (and Wednesday) are my days off from working out, so Yay!

I have been in a good mood all day, because for once (in a long ass time) I look somewhat decent in my pics. Yay! If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. Every pic I saw of me yesterday looked fine! Wooooot.

Only 24 hours???

Wow! It's amazing what you can do in 24 hours. Today has been a fun-filled, crazy, busy day. It all started at 5 am when I was awakened by Hayden for fooooood! After feeding him, I treated myself to two more hours of sleep. Wooohooo. Then I got my butt up at 7am, made breakfast for Mark and I (breakfast burritos - healhty of course) and headed off to meet the gals for coffee at 8am. We chatted it up until 11, at which time I quickly ran over to the mall to...A.) Buy myself some cutsie lingerie at Fredericks and B.) Buy some Bachlorette gifts for my soon to be sister-in-law. I even managed to get fitted. After having a baby, I had no idea what my bra size was, HA!

Cool news on the bra front...generally I've been a 36C or even 38. But I measured 35D! Which was cool to hear. Not that it makes a difference, they don't make 35, but that means my eating healthy and working out is paying off. Woooooot! Hehe, and yes I'm a D at present, but give me a break, I'm nursing!

From the mall I sped over to HEB to pick up some last minute brunch ingredients and to get some gas in my guzzling Explorer. Who do I see speeding passed me on the way back home? JeNNaY! We enjoyed brunch, with mimosas of course! Yum. I can't help my alchie ways. Anywho.

After brunch I got my drunk ass sober and worked out. Yeah, that's right, you heard me, I worked out. Oh yeah. Sweated my sweet ass off toooooo. Anywho.

From there I got dressed in my hoochie mamma outfit...ok j/k I actually have dressed for Jenny's pool/bday and the bachlorette party. So I wore my swimsuit, but with a nice skirt and sweater. I love that swimsuit. It's old school, think Marilyn Monroe 50s one piece, but oh so cute. Anywhoooooo.

I rushed to the bachlorette party and enjoyed about an hour or so there. Sorry, I've been sworn to secrecy about what went on there. All I can say is that I left with a very nifty penis straw.

Finally I headed to Jenny's bday party. Clubhouse there is awesome. Just have to say that. But silly dork that I am, I didn't take one pic. ARgh. But Jenny should have lots posted on flickr. So what can I say about cream, buttery nipples, peanut butter and jelly, swimming, foosball, penis straw, lost earings, gentlemanly kiss on the hand, found earings, no towels...I could go on.

The best part is that I didn't cheat once. I didn't eat the wings, cupcakes, penis cake, anything. I rock.

All in all it was a great nite. The only thing missing was my wonderful and amazing hubby who can always make the best night better. He rocks my world. G'night.

Friday, June 8, 2007

World's On >>

Why is that when things happen they happen all at once? Then you'll go days with nothing new to even talk about? Well the world is definitely on fast forward for me right now.

First, I have to report sweet success with my first eating out. While everyone around me gorged on garlic bread, calamari, pasta, cheese, sausage, and God knows what else, I had a salad and two glasses of Shiraz. Oh yeah baby. No insane stuffing of carbs and fat for this girl!!!!! And it was pretty tempting too, since the dinner was "family style" with a giant lazy susan in the middle. And those dishes kept whizzing by, but I didn't bite. Haha.

The dinner was fun. I especially liked the statue of the pope in the middle of the lazy susan. He was eyeing me as I sipped my wine. But no judgement, he's Catholic remember? Drinking is ok!

It was definitely a fun place - Bucca di Beppo. But toooooo expensive! I had a salad and two glasses of wine - I walked out of there $37 lighter. I guess it didn't help that we divided the check evenly, haha. The price you pay for eating healthy. Sheesh. But the dinner was very fun! It was cool to see some familiar NetQuas faces. ;) Damn, I should have taken a pic of the ceiling. There was a mural of cherubs with some interesting anatomy. Honestly I couldn't tell if those were men or women winking back at me. Weird.

So that's my first story - which should be a sufficient blog post in itself. But, today my pet fish Methuselah died. I knew it was coming, he's been acting strange for a few days - swimming upside down and such. So let's have a moment of silence for sweet Methuselah ...... He was 3 years old, that's pretty old for a Betta. Most of my friends Bettas kicked the bucket after 6 months. Everyone would ask me what I do different. Haha. Well I didn't bother him and cleaned his bowl sparingly. I think they like that. My last Betta Hermie lived 2 years, and he didn't die of natural causes. His babysitter accidentally killed him. Oops. Partially my fault for not leaving good instructions. So apparently I have the gift for taking care of these little guys. Although, I think Methuselah will be the last fish, at least for a little while. I have my hands full with Hayden and our 3 ferrets.

So there's enough for another post. Ha! But it doesn't stop there. I must talk about my possessed espresso machine. I got this damn thing for Christmas 2 years ago. And I've managed to make some of the worst coffee I've ever made with it. I have a regular coffee pot in which I can make great coffee. I just wanted to get some use out of my espresso machine and supposedly it can make coffee, and makes a single serving. Sounds perfect right? Yeah, right. Only problem is that somehow the coffee comes out nasty, too watery. Yuck. Sucks. I only put in enough water for one cup of coffee (barely), and fill up the little container completely with grounds. So there's no way I could add more grounds, and I don't want a half a cup of coffee thanks. So I guess I'll just have to reserve that damn thing for espresso only. Bah! Nothing worse than watery coffee. Bleh.

So now I'll get to my usual ramblings. I'm still dying to check out that scale. But I'm restraining myself... The food so far has been great. So I'm still raving about the 5-Factor Diet. However, until I see that scale moving, I can't say much more. I did the 5-Factor workout and it rocked!!!!!!!!! It was the perfect amount of exercise without totally wiping me out. I loved it. And I can feel the effects today, the muscles that should be sore, are.

I'm in the mood for some new music. Something relaxing or inspirational. Any suggestions? I've browsed around iTunes, but haven't found anything irresistible yet. I want something really different, but really good. Let me know if you have an idea.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Dying to Peek

This would be the point where I'd want to check out that scale and see what has happened. It's almost been a week. And I'm dying to know how I'm doing. But I am determined not to look at the scale until June 16th! So I have to blog to get my mind off of it. Haha. Dinner was good last night. Chicken and black bean quesadillas. Yum. I would totally recommend them. I just cooked some chicken (with excellent seasonings of course), and threw together chicken, black beans, and some nonfat mozzarella cheese in my quesadilla. I think I could eat that everyday. And I could if I felt like it, that's the beauty of it.

I'm about to give a friend her birthday gift!! I hope she likes it. And I really hope she doesn't have one already. It seemed like the perfect gift, but you never know!

Of course, I realize that I have no wrapping paper that isn't covered in snowmen or santas, so I had to improvise with tissue paper. Hahahaha. Oh well.

Tonight's my first test of eating out, I hope I don't blow it. Of course this diet allows a cheat day, so no biggie if I do, but I just don't want to!!!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Still Truckin'

Well I think this is the most consistent I've ever been with a blog. Which is sad considering this is only my fifth post. Ha.

I'm trying a new "diet". I hate that word, and technically this isn't a diet since I don't plan on ever stopping. But the book is called the 5 Factor Diet. It also comes with a 5 day a week fitness program that looks great. I'm pretty confident this will be good for me, and I don't plan on giving up or cheating. The recipes have been great! As I continue, I'm sure I'll post more about it, but for now I don't like promoting anything I haven't had success with yet. So as I lose weight...and I will...I'll write more about it.

The more I'm in this world, the more I totally don't understand people. I won't go into specifics, but several people lately have blown me away by their inconsiderateness (is that even a word?). Maybe I'm strange, but I just wouldn't do the things that have been done to me lately. I wouldn't do them to an acquaintance and I certainly wouldn't do them to a friend. But I guess that's life and people make mistakes - even mistakes they don't realize.

I still haven't gotten to have my relaxing bubble bath. That's really only a dream for me right now. Considering my tub needs to be cleaned and I think I'd need a bath pillow or something to be at all comfortable in our little bathtub.

I don't really have much insightful to say or any real stories. I'm just chugging along, trying to succeed at something I've failed at for so long. Until tomorrow...G'night

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Sweatin to the Silence

So I admit it, today is the first day I've worked out. But hey, better late than never. As soon as Hayden was down for his morning nap, I threw on the workout clothes and headed to the garage. (All workout equipment is located in the garage). I put my headphones in and cranked up the treadmill. I put the timer on 5 minutes for a quick warm up. Then I reset to 10 minutes for running. And as I'm running there, staring at the wall, all kinds of thoughts are rushing through my head. But, the most common thought is, jeez when will this damn timer go off? So I run, and I run, and ... oh shit I never turned on my damn mp3 player. Running in silence has never worked for me, no wonder I'm draggin' ass.

So I'm running, and running, and...who am I Forest Gump? Damn when is this timer gonna go off? So I take a quick look, and damnit again! I forgot to hit start. Bah! So who knows how long I've been running at this point.

But the music did help get through the rest of the workout. I especially liked Evanescence's "Bring Me To Life" - lyrics totally hit me:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb.

Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back home.

Wake me up. Wake me up inside. I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside. Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Bid my blood to run. Before I come undone.
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real.
Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie. There's nothing inside
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
Without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight, I can't believe I couldn't see kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.
Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul
Don't let me die here.
There must be something more.
Bring me to life.

Wow, yes this song says something to me. And although Amy Lee wrote it about her lover (now husband), it's a perfect fit for God, the ultimate Lover. The only lover who could answer these questions and longings. Anywho, just the perfect song this morning.

And to totally relax and write this blog: Bebel Gilberto - So Nice (Summer Samba). I'd totally recommend her with a bottle of wine and bubble bath. (Sorry guys, probably not the music for you). Hmmm...that sounds good. Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow, hah!

Must buy wine today! Hehe.

Oooh, and for some good scents try this:

Slowly simmer a pot filled with water, some cinnamon sticks, cloves, ground nutmeg, vanilla extract, and citrus peels.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Life's Little Chocolates

So what differentiates a good day from a bad day? Is it when the doctors says, "Everything looks good"? And is there some alternate me that heard the opposite? How does God decide when you'll get good news and bad news? I don't know these things. But I do know that today was a good day.

It's amazing what you'll call a good day. It's all relative I guess. Today, I've had a headache all day. Waited 3 hours for lunch. Dealt with a fussy baby. Didn't get to finish my lunch. Both cars were damaged by hail. Hayden has yet to take a good nap.

But, Mark's MRI came back with no new lesions. And that, my friends, is a good day.

Anywho...I've decided not to drive myself crazy by stepping on the scale everyday. A new idea for me who is addicted to those little spinning numbers.

P.S. I miss Dr. Pepper.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Real Life Doesn't Exist in Hollywood

So, here's the part in a movie where the inspirational music would blast and you'd see various 5 second clips of me eating healthy, running, and smiling about my sweet success. And after about 2 minutes of that, I'd instantly be transformed into a beautious person. Ha.

But, let's face it, life is not a movie. And what Hollywood stuffs into 2 minutes is actually months of hard work. Hard work and set backs. Failures and successes. And this is the second day.

So what's real life like? Real life is having your 7th wedding anniversary and saying to hell with the rules, I'm enjoying today! Ok, I'm not completely throwing my rules out the window - but I am splurging with eating out today. But to make up for it, I had a healthy smaller breakfast. It's all about compromise. And I'm still drinking water.

Real life is me getting my period the day I start my new plan. Ugh. Talk about just wanting to curl up on the couch and eat oreos while slurping Dr. Pepper...hehe. But that's life. You live it with your period and without. Good days and bad, and everything in between.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

A Realization

Getting healthy is not just about being skinny or beautiful. What we do to our bodies now, we pay for later. I could potentially live 100 years. What if I get diabetes or some other illness when I'm 60 because I didn't take care of myself now? I could live 40 years in misery. I don't want that life.

How can I get my heart/mind and stomach to agree on this!?!

My mind says, "I'd like to lose a few pounds, and I should get more hydrated". My stomach says, "I'll take a Dr. Pepper and medium fries".

My mind says "I'd like to be more fit". My body says, "I'm tired today, maybe tomorrow?"

Why can I not get these two pieces of myself in sync?

And what can I do differently this time to be successful? I don't know. I'm not sure.

I think that's why people bounce from diet to diet. Each new diet has the hint of success. Since you've never tried it before, it's like a clean slate. This could be "the one" you don't fail at. This could be the trick! The one you've been waiting for. The one that works. When deep down you know that almost every diet "works" as long as you stick to it. Follow the rules. Don't cheat. Don't stop. Put down that brownie, and pick up the salad fork.

So I'm trying something new. I believe that writing about your progress and failures is key to staying with anything. And maybe since I might give out the address to some friends, it will keep me on track just out of pure pride and not wanting to look like a failure. Ha. Either way maybe this will do some good.

I think my ultimate goal would be to lose 35 lbs. An intermediate goal would be 25 lbs. But hell, for short term, I'd settle for 5 lbs. =)

So let's say I'd like to lose 5 lbs in the next 2 weeks. That would be June 16th I believe.

How am I going to lose 5 lbs in the next 2 weeks? Hmmm...well I could start by discontinuing my addiction to Dr. Pepper and all things carbonated. A Dr. Pepper has 150 calories, and I'd estimate I drink 2-3 a day. Wow. So there's 450 calories a day. So in about 8 days that adds up to a pound (3500 calories). So in two weeks that's almost 2 lbs just in Dr. Peppers. Sheesh, no wonder I'm overweight. =) But they taste soooo good. As I type this I have put down my Dr. Pepper and replaced it with a bottle of water.

Ok what's next? Exercise? I enjoy running and I estimate that I burn 200 calories each run. If I ran every day, it would take me over 17 days to burn 3500 calories, Ha! So that tells me running isn't enough. But if I add boxing, let's say for 5 minutes, that adds another 35 calories. Which gives me 3500 in 2 weeks. So I'd have to run and box every day for two weeks.

Ok, now I'm down to two lbs. Where are these coming from? Diet is obviously next. According to caloric calculators, I probably burn 2183 calories a day. So if reduce to 1683 a day, I should be able to lose the last two pounds.

So my plans is:

1. Cut out soda
2. Running and box daily
3. Eat 1683 calories daily

Let's see how I do.