Wedded Wednesday

I remember back when Hubby and I were dating there were times when I just wanted to be near him.  And it didn't matter what I needed to do to be with him, I would do it.  Walk across campus? Sure.  Walk across two campuses (we didn't go to the same college!)? Sure.  Raining? That's what umbrellas are for, right?

And sure, eleven years later I still want to be near him - but do I really go out of my way to do that?  Not always.

Except for Friday.  I knew he had to work late, blech.  I knew I missed him.  I knew I was pretty lonely at the house.  And all I wanted was to be near him.  So what was I going to do about that?

I dressed the kids.

I packed a picnic.  (I love how that's only 4 words typed out - seems simple enough - but the activity seriously took me at least 30 minutes!)

I loaded the kids in the car.

I drove to his office.

We surprised him!  (After work, of course.  I doubt this would have the same reaction if you showed up at say 1pm).

And hubby and I sipped cold beer as the sun set and the kids ran wild in the grass.

What are you willing to do to be near him?

Date Night - Just Do It

I have to say, that one of the single most important things that Hubby and I do is have a regular date night.  And when we don't get out for awhile, I can definitely feel it.  In the daily grind, you can get in the habit of relating to each other as roommates, parents, and servants instead of what you really are - lovers.

Conversations fall into one of these:

You wouldn't believe what Hayden did today!  He totally peed in the McDs playscape.  You need to talk to him about "Nature calls".

Or

I think we should plant a garden, go to Lowes, buy plants from the nursery, clean the garage, blah blah.

Or

I'm tired, cranky, (fill in the blank).

Pretty soon you're each doing your own things each night and only talking about home logistics and complaints!  The smiles are few and far in between - and affection is running low!  (By the way, who's doing the Kissing Experiment!?!  I admit, I'm shamefully behind...I guess I'll just have to go maul Hubby and catch up...hehe)

And that's where Date Night comes to the rescue.  I remember the first time we went out on a real date after the kids were born and it was like finding an old friend!  We had completely forgotten how much fun we have together and why we're together in the first place!  Oh yeah, I really love this guy!! (I do!).

So if you have kids - how do you do this??  Babysitter?  If you can find one and can afford one, maybe.  We're not always that lucky.  But we have found a great solution that has been such a blessing to us:

Find another couple in your same season of child-life and trade babysitting!  We actually do "couch-sitting", hehe.  Meaning, we watch each other kids after they've already gone down for the night so really we're just chilling out on the sofa watching Netflix for the evening.  We both get to have date nights without the cost and hassle of finding a paid babysitter!  Plus, we never have to feel guilty about asking for babysitting because we both enjoy getting a date night.  It's an awesome solution.

I bet if you ask around there is someone who desperately needs this same arrangement too!  I actually started  this with one friend (who ended up moving out of state), and then found another friend who thought it was a great idea too!  I mean, seriously - who couldn't use another date night, free of charge?

Mix Tapes

Okay, I'm dating myself a bit here...but did you ever make mix tapes when you were a kid?  You know, on a cassette, bonus points if it got recorded off the radio.  What about mix tapes for your true love?

I dare you to try it.  Of course, now it's called a CD, but whatever.  On this weekend's date night I made my baby a mix tape.  Woot!

Here were my selections (don't judge):

• Gotta Have You - The Weepies
• Eet - Regina Spektor
• I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
• Beauty in the World - Macy Gray
• Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
• Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root
• Why Georgia - John Mayer
• Mellow Mood - Slightly Stoopid
• Sunrise - Norah Jones
• Your Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer
• Que Sera, Sera - Sly & The Family Stone
• Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
• Moondance - Jonathan Rhys Meyers
• Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine
• Carbon Ribs - John Mark McMillian
• This Time - Jonathan Rhys Meyers
• Bolero - Maurice Ravel
• Suffacated - Orianthi
• Something Beautiful - Needtobreathe

Don't Forget to Have Fun

People often say that "Marriage is work."  And I've heard "Parenting is hard work."  And of course, "Life is hard".  Seems like almost everything these days can be classified as difficult or some kind of mountain to climb.  

If we're not careful, we can get caught in the mentality of just drudging through each day - our goal simply being...survival.

And don't know about you, but survival doesn't rank high on my life purpose meter.  I don't want to simply survive life, I want to live it.  Preferably, I'd like to enjoy it.

When was the last time you did something enjoyable with your husband?

Why not pull out some games and have an old fashioned game night.  And no, I'm not suggesting playing Elefun with the kids.  I'm talking just you and your hubby playing some of your favorite games.

This weekend Mark and I pulled out a card game after the kids went to bed.  And you know what?

It was fun. 

We laughed.  We joked.  We enjoyed each other.

We didn't talk about the kids, or the bills, or the next home improvement project.

I wasn't complaining or nagging...much.  (I'm sorry but spending 5 minutes each turn for "strategy" thinking is a bit much).

And he wasn't falling asleep...until the end, hehe.

All in all, it was a great night!  So much so, we did it again the next day. :)

Male and Female He Created Them

So it's no secret that Mark and I have had the flu for the last 6 days.  Care taking is definitely not one of my strong points.  I'm kind of one of those suck-it-up and walk-it-off type people.  And heaven forbid you complain about it.

And when we're both sick, I'm even worse.  I turn it into a competition.  Like, who's sicker, but still more awesome and useful.  Yes, me!! Pick me!!!

Huh?  Since when is there a "sick" competition?  Honestly, it doesn't make much sense.  Yet there I am, comparing myself to him, when I should be just taking care of my family.

Oh I'm taking care of my family alright, but in the back of my mind - I'm grumbling.  I'm comparing.  I'm judging. I'm complaining.


Proverbs 21:19

It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. 

Yeah, that's me...the complainer.  Ouch!  I don't know why I expect Mark to suddenly turn into Mr. Mom when I'm sick - let alone when we're both sick.  I mean, if he was Mr. Mom - he wouldn't need me.  He's Dad.  And Dad has a place all of his own that I can never fill.

How often do I push him into filling the Mom role (and believe me he does a pretty good job at being Mom when he needs to)?  

He's designed to be a father, he was made to be a man - which has enough responsibility without my adding to it!  Just doing a quick study on men, husbands, and fathers is pretty overwhelming.  These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our guys:

Eph 5:23

 For a husband is the head of His wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. 

He's the leader our home - which is no small task.  To lead our family like Christ leads the church??  Wow.


Eph 5:25-26

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. 

To love me - even when I'm unlovable?  Even when I reject him? 

1Pe 3:7  

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. 

To treat me with understanding?  Even when I'm PMSing and even I don't understand me??!!

Okay, I think I'll stop there.  He's got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders - and I didn't even begin to talk about his role as a father - that was just his duties as husband!  

We both have our places and when we work together we are an awesome team - which is how God designed us.  He knew we couldn't do everything on our own.  But, when I start comparing my role to his it all starts crumbling.  Yes, as wife, mother, and woman - I have great responsibility.  But, it's no greater than my husbands responsibility as husband, father, and man.  And I certainly can't start judging his performance, without taking a hard look at my own.  And let me tell you ladies, we have quite a role to fill too!!

My continual, daily (sometime hourly) prayer is that I keep my eyes on Christ and focus on my role for our family and not worry about what he's doing - I've got enough work to do over on my side of the fence!

Wedded Wednesday

I've been enjoying Wedded Wednesdays over at The Candid Pastor's Wife for awhile, so I thought I'd join in the fun.  Click over to her blog for some more awesome marriage posts.

Okay, so I have a major personality flaw - I don't take criticism well...at all.

My instant reaction is defensiveness, anger, and then embarrassment.  I especially don't take criticism well from the one person who means the most to me on this earth - my husband.

Poor guy, that really leaves him in a hard spot.  Even when he preempts his criticism with "Now don't take this the wrong way" or " Don't get upset but" - I still instantly get upset before he even says anything.

Mostly it's because I want him to love everything about me.  I want him to be completely happy with me and think I'm better than college footballl!!!  (Yes, I know I'm not...)


I don't like to admit to myself that I am not in fact perfect and do not have it all together all the time - let alone my husband!  To know that my imperfectness is showing is like being naked in public.

So when he again had to point something out to me that needed a little, uh, improvement - I immediately tensed up.  The excuses came flooding out.  Then I played the blame game - "well I'm not perfect, but then again neither are YOU".  Then I did the cold shoulder.  Then I pouted.  Yes, I'm quite mature.

And that was an improvement from my usual reaction!

But, in the end, I let the criticism sink in and hit my heart.  Honestly, I agreed with it.  So about, oh, six hours later I admitted that he may have a point and that I will try to do better at that, even though it was really his fault that I overreacted to that particular situation.  Argh!  Why can't I just hear it and say, yes.  Yes, you are right.  That was wrong of me and I will work on that.  ???  What is so hard about admitting a mistake?  That I am flawed.  It's not like it's some big secret.

It's so important in marriage to be able to talk openly about issues and clear the air when we have disagreements.  Mentally, I know this - yet emotionally, I can't handle this.  It's frustrating to me.  Later when I think back over the situation, I know his criticism is perfectly valid and it's something I need to work on.  In fact, I'm glad he told me.  But, in the moment, I just can't take it.

How do you handle criticism from those closest to you?  Have you been able to handle it better over time?  What helps you curb that defensiveness?  Or am I alone on this one?