Thursday, October 4, 2007

A Day at Home

I feel like I've found something that I lost. Not an object, but a person. When you've resigned yourself that something is gone forever, that it will never return, and then suddenly it does - well, it's almost...there really are no words for it.

But part of me doesn't dare expect this will be permanent. I wouldn't want to lose them again, knowing I had them back for a moment. That would be just too hard.

I hate happy usually means bad times are just around the corner. I don't trust happiness. Terribly pessimistic, I know, but honestly - that's life.


It feels good to be at home after such a long week. Sick baby and plane rides = Hell.

This is actually my first full day at home though. Haha. I've been busy running here and there - but today I'm taking a break. Partially because I'm getting sick. But I need an at-home day. I still have one suitcase waiting to be unpacked. Half the laundry is done. Half the dishes are done. I need to make bread for Bridgepoint. I need to get dressed. HA!

When I was a little girl, my great-aunt Barbara would make cookies. Lots and lots of cookies. She would get one of those giant coat boxes from the department stores and fill it with dozens of cookies, any kind of cookie you could think of. My favorites were the Lemon Poppy Seed cookies. For years, I've wanted to taste those cookies again. She finally passed away last October after a 7 year battle with cancer. So her delicious cookies have not been enjoyed for many years. It was her Christmas gift every year - her wonderful cookies.

So when my Grandma asked me if I wanted anything, my first thought was her recipes. I dare not ask for the originals, for to me those were as priceless as diamonds. In my opinion, her recipes were the very essence of her memory. So I asked for copies of her recipes. Much to my surprise, my Grandma said, "I'll just send you her recipes". So I received one medium sized box filled with every cookbook, recipe card, and clipping she had. Wow. It was unbelievable to me how I, her great-grandniece, ended up with such a valuable piece of her memory. And how anyone could not want this.

So yesterday, I pulled out the Lemon Poppy Seed Shortbread recipe and made it. Unfortunately, although the cookies were reminiscent of her delicious creations - they were merely what they were - a copy. They were not as big, or as fluffy, or as yummy as she made them. There is a piece of the world that is gone forever. That can never be duplicated or replaced. She made an imprint here, she made an imprint on me that I will never forget.


Shelley said...

Wow...what a precious gift and fond memory...a complete heart moment. I love those memories and almost wish the reality of what we'll never have again would go away. Well, it's only this side of heaven. We have that to look forward to...and to practice making the cookies! :)
Love you! S

MZ said...

It's good to be back. =)