Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Less I Know

The older I get, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I think that's why writing on my blog has become harder.  I have no pearls of wisdom or great epiphanies.  Each new thing conquered often returns back into defeat.   I get the kitchen under control, only to have the laundry back up.  Or the kids are being (relatively) well behaved, but my quiet time is non-existent.  Or I'm spending time with God at the expense of my cleaning house.  Or some such other compromise.

I've learned that there are no 5 steps to greatness, happiness, or fulfillment.  And while my short-lived victories have me feeling on top of the world, that only means it's a longer fall down to pits-ville, HA!

If anything, I'm learning to be content (but not complacent) with where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  If my quiet time feels like I'm reading out of the Webster's Dictionary, that's ok.  Tomorrow is another day and I can give that up to God. 

The present moment has become more and more important as I realize that I don't want to be chained by the past, and the future is promised to no one (no matter how great "my" plans are).

I'm not sure if all this is just apathy, or being finally at peace with myself.  I'm nothing, if not honest on this blog, as you all well know.  I have no wish to paint a happy, fake picture of a perfect life.  And don't believe those facades on other blogs either.  The comparison game is old...and I think I lost a long time ago, haha.

Life these days is falling into a nice groove.  One could describe it as "busy", but I'm beginning to hate that word.  I think we overuse it and even use it as a measuring stick.  As if having a busy life somehow makes you a more valuable and worthy person.  We are all busy.  And we all have a great influence on how busy our lives are.  In other words, I often am the cause of my busyness.  And does busyness prove worth or give fulfillment?  I don't think so.

Corbin is on his first field trip today.  They went to the Dinosaur Park in Cedar Creek.  I can't help but count the minutes until I go pick him up.  I'm not usually a nervous parent, but he will be gone 2 more hours than usual and driving somewhere else, so it's got my mommy radar going off.  I miss my boy. :(

I'm still slowing unpacking things from the other house and we are still working on the old house.  Our schedule doesn't leave a lot of time for that sort of thing.  But we hope to have it finished soon.  Of course that adds stress - I will be one happy woman when that is finished!

For now I'm going to enjoy my Thursday afternoon.  Thursdays are quickly becoming my favorite day because it's the only day I don't have to go anywhere.  I can just enjoy being at home with my boys!!

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