Monday, December 7, 2009

What's Next?

That's been my question lately:

What's next?

We've had a whirlwind of craziness in this house. It seems like every week holds some new crisis to move through. Thankfully, I've been doing the Lord's Table course over this time, and it's been the most life-changing study I've ever done.

The study is for people who are struggling with weight or food issues, but the heart of the study is a renewing of your connection with Christ. It doesn't focus on food, counting anything, or the usual diet nonsense. Instead, it takes you back to where your head and heart should be - with Christ. The truth is that if you are really focused on Christ, it's impossible to be obsessed with anything else. And through deep relationship with Him, you can be freed of sin - food worship.

Food worship. It's a revolutionary idea. Food sin. Ouch. But the more I examined myself, the more I could see this was true. My life has either been obsessed over food or the restriction of it. Counting carbs, calories, fat grams. Thinking about what I would eat for lunch or dinner. Indulging cravings. Seeking pleasure, stress-relief, and emotional response from food.

But the fulfillment of my needs and desires is NOT found in food or any other "outlet" or I wouldn't keep coming back for more.

So here I am, going through this course, and we're hit with crisis after crisis. Hayden is hospitalized, my bio Dad dies, and the most recent findings, masses on my liver. Scary. Yet, through all of this, I was constantly reminded to come back to Him. No, my first reaction was not to pull out my bible and start singing praises like Paul. It was self pity. Yuck. And I'd stew in that pity for a few hours or days, not wanting to go to Him - because I knew He would give me peace. Isn't that nuts? Ha! I didn't want peace. I wanted my sadness, my bitterness. Thankfully, my heart knew that eventually I would have to go to Him. And I did. And He did give me peace.

I was given peace and strength for another hour, another day, and soon the crisis was over and I was ready for a new day.

I can't control what happens in this life, but I can control how I react to it. Will I react with bitterness and self-pity? Or will I go to His feet and accept His peace?

P.S. For those that aren't addicted to Facebook and haven't read the status updates, the masses were benign.

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