Disconnected

When I was in elementary school, I hated missing a school day. I always felt like I had been left out or behind in some way that could never be recovered. Not educationally of course, but socially.

Going on a trip has that same feeling. That disconnected, left behind feeling. Quitting work was like that too. Maybe even a little harder. When you leave your work you see how "replaceable" you really are. How the world could swallow you whole and move on without you. How insignificant you really are. That one day you will die, and the world will continue to be. Life will continue, sunrise, sunset, friends, family, all will go on without you.

I was scared of death at one time. So much so I couldn't really think about it. What was death? What if you just stopped "being"? It would make my stomach drop.

In this little town, where everyone knows everyone else, death is an everyday occurance. My parents have been to 6 funerals this year. Their neighbor, 2 houses down, was found dead at home. She was in her 40's. Another neighbor that lived a few hundred feet down from their farm, shot himself. My Aunt's good friend, a name I'd heard so many times over the years, just died of cancer. A good friend of my cousin's, like a grandfather to her, geez my parents street is named after him, died 2 days ago. Death is everywhere here. I'd advise against drinking the water or breathing the air. It reminds you that death is real. Not some far away thing that happens to someone else. But something that will find you eventually.

...Morbid...sorry.

On a lighter note...Hayden is continuing to get better. Tomorrow is the last day of antibiotic. I'm coming home Saturday afternoon. It's fall!!! And I got a good night's sleep last night. I'm looking forward to my temperpedic mattress, this pull out couch is killing me. My neck is jacked. Tomorrow I'll have to round up all of our crap, I'm sure I'll leave something behind, I always do. I can't wait to see my hubby!! 1 more day.