Something Beautiful

In your ocean I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown?

This is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me
~Something Beautiful/Needtobreathe

I've had a hard time putting anything into words lately. I've been doing a lot of thinking. As Darby on Tigger and Pooh would say - Now it's time to think, think think! (By the way, since when does Tigger get first billing?? And who is Darby? What happened to Christopher Robin?? I'm appalled and confused...but I digress).

Mostly, I've been trying to tune out the world. There is a LOT coming in - Facebook status updates (where we input our every thought...one day someone updated that they were on the toilet, ick - do we really need to stay THAT informed?); blogs (oh the blogs, every mommy, environmentalist, or you-name-it spouting their own personal brand of perfection); and then there's the rest of the internet world.

Not to say there isn't something fun or even encouraging about all those things, because they can be wonderful! Staying in contact with friends, getting ideas, and reading about different perspectives all have their place. But, there's something else that comes along with all that.

You're overwhelmed with opinions and judgments! Not necessarily directed at you personally, but they are there nevertheless. Each person completely convinced that this is the way, that they have it right, if only everyone would do this, how can you live like that, it goes on and on.

Heaven forbid you have children - because it's very easy to find out your doing it (whatever it is) wrong with just a few searches or blog posts. And that because your doing it wrong, your kids will probably be messed up for the rest of their lives.

HA! That's what I say to all of that. I'm done with all that crap (btw, I mentally just whispered that in my head...Hayden loves to copy everything I say now, and I must admit I'm a bit of a potty mouth. Generally, I can keep a lid on the major expletives, but I just can't hang up my frequent use of crap, stupid, and other 3 year old profanities). Crap, crap...crap, crap, crap...there, now that I've gotten that out of the way. I'm done with it.

I am by no means a perfect mother - nor will I ever claim to be. But, I refuse to believe that listening to any of this junk will ever do me any good. All it does is make me second guess myself, waste time worrying (and reading all that stuff), and overall makes me feel bad about myself.

I love my children. And I believe they are resting firmly in the hands of God. My trust rests in Him, not the parenting gurus of today. I have learned that I have no power over what happens to them in this life. I can only guide and instruct them. I cannot protect them from every possible danger. I cannot stop a single tear from being shed or their hearts from being broken. I can't make them into someone they are not, nor do I ever want to.

I want to see them for the miracles they are. I want to enjoy them while I am entrusted with them. I want to spend every moment with them in enjoyment, not burden. They are not a project or a duty - they are a blessing.

Now I just need to remember that when I'm cleaning up poop for the 10th time of the day and digging my phone out of the toilet.