Thursday, April 9, 2009

Think of Him

Why are you striving these days?

I'm trying to keep it all together. I can fix this. I can make this better. I can survive this. I can be stronger.

Why are you trying to earn grace?

I can't possible deserve it. I need to deserve. It's not fair to be undeserving. I can make you love me. I can do better. I can try harder.

Why are you crying?

I can't fix it. I have no control. I need things to be ok. I need to be free of this pain. I need release.

Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away


Why do I turn away from You? Why do I hide from You?

Why are you looking for love?

I want my fairytale. I need a protector. I need a savior.

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?

I look for Him everywhere but in You. I can't see you. I can't feel you. I can't hear you.

To where will you go child?

I've nowhere to go.

Tell me where will you run?

I run every night, escaping my thoughts through the pounding of the pavement, but there's no place to run to that cures me.

To where will you run?

I run looking for You.

And I'll be by your side, wherever you fall

Are you there?

In the dead of night, whenever you call

Always there?

And please don't fight, these hands that are holding you

I won't let you hold me. I can't. I can't release it all. What if You let go? But I'm just so tired of fighting.


My hands are holding you



Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know that I, I love you
I'll never let you go


Lyrics in italics: By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North
It's a free gift. It's not about laws or being good. It's not about who's right or who's wrong. It's not about "good" and "bad". It's about Him. He loves you. He is love.

Purging

Today I deleted over 12,000 emails - and I'm not even close to the outrageous Gmail limit. Even though I had well over 25,000 emails I was still only using about 20% of available space.

I could have archived it all. And I did ... at first.

But there was something freeing about deleting.

First I went through and deleted all the unread emails from various retailers. As I went I started "unsubscribing". Somehow over the course of the 4-5 years, I've amassed quite a collection of retailer spam. Babies R Us AND Toys R Us, Kohls, Macy's, Bath and Body Works, Victoria Secret, Old Navy, BabyFit, Overstock.com, just to name a few. All of which I never read. And if by chance I did read it, I never bought anything. And the thing is...I don't NEED to buy anything. So I unsubscribed.

Next came the forwards. Oh the forwards. Send this to 10 people or you'll die...or get bad luck...or (insert horrible fate here).

Then the chats. Oh a girl like me can chat. Blah Blah Blah. Most go something like this. Hi. Hiya. How ya doin? Good u? Not bad.

Yeah..uh..bye bye chat messages.

Then come the newsletters. Church, "good causes", politics, whatever. DELETE.

Then the big attachments. Emails like, Hey look at my wrinkly newborn, here are pic to prove it. (These were all of Hayden btw). Delete.

Yahoo groups digests...delete.

FlyLady emails I've neglected to read and felt guilty about...delete.

Oh DELETE feels so gooooood. Soon I deleted anything that was "Unread" prior to 2009. I figure if I haven't read it by now, I AM NOT GOING TO. That one was hard, but...so long!

Tell me, how many emails have you "collected" over time? One wouldn't think that something like email would have a "clutter" feel to it. BUT IT DOES. Wow, I feel 10 lbs lighter. I felt like I was drowning in emails. Now I can thoughtfully consider each email. Reply to those I need to and delete the rest.

I have the power!!! DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.

P.S. The gorgeous pic of my baby was not taken by me, but my super duper friend Robyn.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Something Out of Nothing


This is another one of those saving money posts. So if you're not interested in saving money, step away from the computer and go do something expensive, like shopping.

How many of you plan out your meals for the week? I think this is the biggest thing you can do to save money on food - both groceries AND eating out. Granted, I'm horrible at planning meals. It takes thought and time - two things I have low supply on these days.

Yet, when I do sit down and do it. Food possibilities magically open up to me, ones that I would NEVER have come up with say, 15 minutes before dinner.

Let's take this week for instance. I wanted to spend the least amount of money possible on groceries and not eat out this week. Mark and I worked on the budget last night and I got my "number" for the month on what we can spend on groceries and eating out. Before you start thinking we have it together, be aware that we've been going with no budget for months now. This is our first month back "on budget". A kitchen remodel will do that to you...

I love it when Mark just gives me a number. Spend this. It's like a challenge. First, how great of deals can I get? Second, how much can I save? I love having "extra" money left over only because I was a wise shopper that month. But most importantly, I love having a "number" to spend because I never feel guilty about any of my purchases. When we off budget, my mind also nags me - you don't really need that. But when I know I haven't exceeded our money, I am free to get us those little "extras" if there's any left over.

So this month I wanted to start off right. I knew we had lots of food that could be the start of "meal makings". For instance, we have dry rice and beans. A great combo to make Spanish rice and a large pot of beans. That's dinner tonight.

Rice I make by following the cooking directions, but also adding 2 chicken bouillon cubes and a can of diced tomatoes with green chilies. Since I had it all but the diced tomatoes with green chilies, that meal only added on item to the grocery list. About 74 cents.

Beans are just soaked overnight, then cooked a couple hours with cilantro, garlic, onions, and the seasonings of my choice (mostly salt and pepper, haha). We had onions leftover from the bag I bought weeks ago, I bought a LARGE container of garlic cloves awhile back and put it in the freezer, and now all I needed was cilantro. So put cilantro down (only 50 cents by the way).

We are big tortilla eaters in this house, so we still had some corn tortillas left, but I put my special flour ones I like on the grocery list too. Again, 99 cents for 20 tortillas.

Granted, you may not have dry rice or beans in your pantry. But I highly recommend adding it to your list! I can make steamed rice, fried rice, add rice to a casserole dish or soup. Beans can be refried for breakfast tacos or a side with dinner. And both of those items are dirt cheap.

The next meal I got was pure luck. Last week on impulse I had thrown a tortilla soup mix in the cart. We love it. It's cheap for the amount of soup it makes. You add 8 cups of watter to the mix and that's it! I generally like to boil and shred chicken to add to it. It makes the soup stretch further. I always buy the big bag of frozen chicken breasts. Those are around 10 bucks and last us 2 weeks if we don't have folks over for dinner. One chicken breast shredded typically is enough for the soup. The soup mix is a little less than 4 dollars. Which isn't bad since it serves 4. Bake some of your tortillas for chips or buy a bag of tortilla chips. We like the blue corn tortilla chips since they are low in fat, but they are more expensive. It's one of our "luxuries".

Now that I had two meals down that both produce LOTS of leftovers, Wednesday is a freebie. Leftover night. Take your pick between rice and beans or tortilla soup or both! They all go together.

Thursday is an easy meal. Spaghetti!! Most of the time I just make tons of spaghetti and skip the sides. We're happy with that. But if you need variety on your plate, add some zucchini or asparagus. Zucchini is the cheaper route, but we LOVE asparagus and get it at least a few times a month. Zucchini is super easy to make. Just slice up and put in a pan with a small amount of olive oil. Add salt, pepper, and garlic salt. Cook until tender. Yummy!! I usually buy the spaghetti sauce in the jars. I used to buy the cheapest kind (less than a dollar), but lately I've been going the more natural/organic route and get Prego's organic mushroom. It's a little more expensive (2.50 I think), but it's the cheapest organic sauce I've found. Once my tomato plants start producing, I think I'll try my hand at homemade!

We always have spaghetti leftovers, so Friday is a repeat. Plus I NEVER feel like cooking on friday and I know it. So planning a cooked meal that day is just silly. We just rummage around and eat whatever is left from the week.

Saturday is tacos - another cheap and easy meal. I like to use the taco seasoning packs for flavor. Add whatever you love to the tacos. Pico de gallo, lettuce, avocado, whatever.

Sunday is a treat. I love IKEA meatballs, cream sauce, and lingonberry sauce. Yum!! I bought the frozen meatballs, sauce mix and jar of sauce a few weeks ago. It makes about 3 meals in my opinion.

Oatmeal makes cheap breakfasts. If you want a "treat" buy those muffin packets - I had one left in my pantry for apple cinnamon muffins that I might whip up this week. Simple lunches of sandwiches or salads are cheap too. Also, eating the left overs for lunch is a big money saver.

Often if I'm doing a special diet, I'll make Mark the "menu" then pick and choose from it and add my own "diet" foods. Like no sugar, or carbs. Often the few foods I need to add to supplement any dieting aren't expensive if I don't try to make the whole family eat that way. Add a 3 lb ground beef, sausage links, veggies and cheese to the grocery list and you have the makings of low carb food. This also makes the leftovers last longer because I'm not eating as much of the "menu" food.

Anyway, this week I got out of the grocery store under $30!!!!!! Of course every week won't be that way, but buying in bulk and using what I have left over has been key to me saving us money.

But even if I hadn't had a lot of that on hand, it would only have been around 20-30 more, which is still not bad. And those additional items would have been more than one meal. Like buying a bag of frozen chicken or dry rice.


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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Making Progress

We've got a whole sink!! And a dishwasher!! And a garbage disposal!!




Now excuse me, I'm going to go wash my dishes!!

Bragging Rights!!!

Okay, maybe every 9 month can do this, but this is a first for me...

Hayden had left out one of our photo albums in the living room and Corbin happened to be playing near by.

I pulled the album over to show Corbin the pictures - they were all from the first few days of Hayden's life.

Instantly, he took his little index finger and pointed out his momma's face.

Hmm...interesting. Coincidence?

Then I flipped to the next one - it was Mark holding "baby" Hayden. Corbin's little finger now points to Mark's face.

Wow. Well that's cool. Maybe he's just pointing out "people". Since there is only one person (minus the baby) in the pictures.

So then I turn the page to a photo of Mark, his Dad, grandpa, and brothers. Mark is off to the side, not exactly in the middle like in the other photos. Again, Corbin puts his little finger right on Mark's face.

Okay! That's it. My kid is a genius.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A P.S. for the last post....

And just to be clear...

I WOULDN'T TRADE THEM FOR THE WORLD!!!!

In my not at all biased opinion, they are THE best kids on the planet.

I mean come on...could you resist this?



I think not.

Oh..Melts my Heart!


Zavala boys went on a road trip with Mommy today! We all survived.

I have a sink. I real sink. With water! Okay, well I have half a sink. One side is still not hooked up - they lost some part for the garbage disposal. Too just come home from our road trip to a "perfectly" working sinking, would just be too good to be true. Those kind of things do not happen to the Zavalas. The Zavalas do not win the lottery, scratch offs, or contests. They do not have easy remodel jobs, or even easy pieces of remodel jobs.

They do not survive a hail storm without damage. Our car looks like it was attacked by a sledge hammer and we need a new windshield.

And they don't have worry-free, healthy kids, but they sure are cute!!!

Ah the little things. Just having them is a gift. I remember before they were born I thought about what they would be like. If they would be "advanced" in some way or another. You know, that "proud parent" moment. We were talking with friends a while back and they mentioned how they loved to tell their "proud parent" moments.

For a quick second that hit my heart a little bit. Our children, though precious and wonderful in every way, have yielded several "proud parent" moments, but not the same kind of moments other parents might have. Each new word that Hayden learns is such a triumph to me, but no he certainly doesn't surpass any other two year old verbally, and a 20 month old we know could talk circles around him. Every time Corbin is able to sit I silently cheer for my sweet delicate baby. But no, he was not a "quick to sit" baby. Other babies are proudly displayed standing all by themselves! Babies younger than sweet Corbin. But I'm simply proud that he is here smiling at me at all.

He's performed a feat far greater than the typical first year milestones. He's alive and living with only one kidney! His kidney has grown to the size of an 18 month old's to compensate for the extra work. Wow. Truly amazing.

But no, that's not really something one throws out at the group of moms comparing achievements.

In the past 2 1/2 years, I've learned to become ok with the silence on my end during these types of discussions. In all honesty, I have to admit that it used to hurt, sometimes still does.

Wow, 19 months old and repeats everything you say?
Man, 22 lbs already??
So cute, teaching her funny phrases.
Look at him sit! That's amazing
Oh my he's really strong.
I can't believe she understands most of what you say!!

Does Hayden x, y, z? Or is Corbin x,y, z? Ummm..no not yet, but soon I think!

Oh but what wonderful babies they are! What they might lack in the milestones, they surely make up for in personality!! If only personality was a milestone!! I'd have some real bragging rights then. Giant smiles. Infectious laughs. Great hugs. Great snuggles. Always joyful (ok almost always, Hayden is a 2 year old). Love being tickled. Loves being chased! Miracle babies they are!!

So begone you Mommy braggers. My kids will rock the world someday! They already have rocked mine.