Hibernation

Home has never been a word that's held much meaning for me. Not to say I don't understand the feelings that home could bring, just that I never had that place. Our family moved frequently, leaving one home for another, until I learned not to get too attached to any place for long. The longest time I spent in a house was 4 years during high school. And even then I had to fight to stay there when my parents seriously considered moving to another state my junior year.

And of course, my parents have since left that "home" and moved 3 times since. So now there is no home left.

So being someone who has no idea of home, I want to create one for my own family. But...that's hard. My mind is still set on the wrong setting. That this place is not permanent. Me at home is not permanent. This house is not permanent. I'm on pause, waiting for the next change. Not wanting to invest in any one place for fear of having to leave it, lose it.

My mother is a wanderer, I am not. I am more of a hibernator. Not wanting to venture out of my cave, just wanting to create something from nothing and have a constant in my life.

I read a book once that talked about three types of men: The Commander, The Dreamer, and Mr. Steady. The Commander is in charge of everyone and everything around him. He is a natural leader. The Dreamer is always in chase of something, the next adventure. He is always in pursuit. Mr. Steady is stable, strong, hard-working, a constant and the backbone of any organization or effort.

Another blog I read just talked about her husband. How she'll probably never be in one place for long. To place him, I'd say he's The Dreamer. I used to thing it must be exciting to be married to "The Dreamer". Always on an adventure.

It's amazing how you can go through life for so long and not be hit with a realization and then BAM! You get it.

My wonderful husband is a creature all his own, but if I had to put him in one of these categories, I'd say he was Mr. Steady. As with any generalizations they don't always fit perfectly, but there are similarities. He is my constant - he never wavers. He is strong - I lean on him for support. He is hardworking - he provides for our family. He is loyal - he is the best friend you'd ever want to have. In a word - he's my match.

The Commander would crush me, I'm too soft hearted for a tough leader. Mr. Dreamer would break my heart - making me leave the things I've built and loved.

But Mr. Steady...he's my match. He compliments me perfectly. He waits until I'm ready to make a change. He's patient. He never forces his decisions on me. He's gentle. He remains constant and waits - for me to build our home.

So I'd like to thank my Mr. Steady for being perfect, just the way he is. And let him know that I'm working on building our home, I'm no longer on pause.