Monday, July 16, 2007

Confessions of a Lawnmower

So today I mowed the lawn. Mowing the lawn is an interesting activity 1.) because you can devise an interesting lawn mowing strategy and 2.) because you have lots of time to think.

Now, first, to get it out of the way, let's talk about lawn mowing strategy. Because you have to have one. Are you the left to right straight line mower guy? Are you the progressively smaller square mower guy? Or...are you me? The crazy 8's, triangles, oops I forgot a spot, oh yeah I have to mow the other side too, where did that grass come from, and my all-time favorite - I'll get that spot next time. Also, I tend to fall into the vacuuming strategy, which is good for carpet, but kind of useless for mowing. I.e. you don't mow back and forth over the same spot more than once, like you might while vacuuming. I do confess, I'm the worst lawn mower on the planet, next to maybe some rich celebutant. But, hey, I tried.

Ok, on to my lawn mowing thoughts. I was pre-blogging in my head, thinking about my lawn mowing experience. Honestly, I have interesting discussions with myself while mowing the yard. Many of them having to do with what a crappy lawn mower I am. Or if I was a bird and had the choice of either a.) keeping my wings and flying or b.) getting arms, but not be able to fly, which would I choose? Hard decision.

Or wouldn't it be awesome if we had a pool. A pool I could just dive right into after mowing. But, if we had a pool, would I let myself dive in all sweaty and dirty from mowing? Probably not. Then the thought morphed into, we should get one of those walmart pools or uh, adult they call them on the package. I guess that's cause they're like 4 feet tall, but still. A pool is a pool. But then I'd have to clean a pool. How do you clean an "adult lounge"...? Would I have to like empty it every week and scrub it down? Then an image of a nasty plastic pool covered in moss came to mind. Yeah, that's probably what would happen. Yuck.

And I must admit, I'm a wimpy girl. Lawn mowing is not my forte. Let me share my first lawn mowing experience a few years back. So, I thought I'd be super cool and surprise Mark by mowing the yard. I pull out the lawn mower, pull that oh so long string...and hmmm...nothing. Shit. 50 pulls later and one sore arm, I rack my brain about what I'm doing wrong. I dunno. Hmmmm...ok well I can't call Mark or there goes the surprise. So I call my next best guy, Mikey!!! So, uh, Mikey, if I wanted to like start a lawn mower, how does one do that? He was super sweet and didn't laugh his ass off at me (at least on the phone) and directed me to the cute little red button on the side of the mower. "You need to prime it"...Uh, what? What the hell is that? Prime what? And what does prime mean? I don't have to prime my car, it just starts, why can't this little thing start without it? Ok fine, I won't argue with the mower about it's obvious limitations. Thanks, Mikey, I'll try that. Presto!! Sheesh, what a pain in the butt. So that was my first mowing experience.

Of course, I'm a seasoned mower now (*cough) and know all about these mowing things. Yet, it never fails, that after I've almost finished I run out of gas both for the mower and myself. Pulling that damn cord after I've mowed for like an hour is just ridiculous. One time my neighbor felt so sorry for me, he came over and pulled it. Argh. There goes girl power. Who invented this piece of crap. A man who was A.) right-handed and B.) had extremely long arms.
Anywho, so yes it happened again today. Two triangles left and the damn thing runs out of gas. I run and get the gas (spilling it on me slightly, what's up with that little opening in the back of the gas can!! Bah!), pour gas in (uh, and I must say i'm getting alot better at this), and attempt to restart. Only took me 4 tries.

Then my brain whisks me away to my usual thought after spilling gas on me...if I put clothes that have gas on them in the dryer will it explode? Hmmm...not sure about that one. If I wash them first I think the chances go way down on that one. But still...ya never know.

So yeah, that's me today.


Metalchick said...

Yep. I'm still going to have to go with arms. While wings are cool, I would want to have arms and opposable thumbs to build wings to fly.

I also agree. I'm going to need to learn to mow the yard.... I need a new activity that would be so cool... Thinking while improving the landscape! Brilliant! If you can mow... I can mow! it'll be fun. Thanks for dinner and drinks! You rock

Beena said...

good snap