Although I am still in love with my Ergo baby carrier, I was wanting something a little less heavy duty for just here around the house. Wearing the Ergo at home is kind of like wearing a prom dress to McDonald's.
So...I did it...I crossed to the dark side and bought a sling, something I didn't think I'd ever do.
But...I didn't buy one for some obscene amount of money - I could never justify paying 100 bucks (or more) for a piece of fabric. It went against my inner cheapness, and believe me, I'm cheap! I also just never had a use for it, I honestly didn't want to wear my kid.
I was perusing Etsy (never a good idea if you don't want to instantly spend money on cute adorable goods) when I saw this shop selling slings for $30-35 and custom fit just for YOU!
I ordered it last Friday and got it today, so the turn around was awesome and it fit perfectly. I got the black and white one in case you were wondering. She has a few different styles.
With my first kiddo, I wasn't a sling mom, but now that I have two, Corbin really needs extra time with Mom since Hayden is more demanding. The sling lets me achieve that without sacrificing even more precious time. Now, instead of Corbin chillin' alone in the swing or bouncer, he's hangin' with Mom around the house - and he loves it!
I can cook dinner (to a point), clean, and just do things that require two hands. The hip carry rocks my world, and although the Ergo carrier can be done on the side too, it's just a bit bulky for home use. However, the Ergo is still unbeatable for longer wearing, so I'm never letting it go!
If you're thinking about a sling, I'd definitely recommend checking these out!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas Carnage
It's over.
My kids have way too many toys.
What do I do with it all?
Things they don't need.
We have so much already.
To be free of it all.
To be able to watch him love only a few cherished toys.
To simplify.
To detox from the materialism of it all.
Losing the "desire" and craving for things.
Gaining the desire for "the things of God".
The hate of money.
What have we done to Christmas?
My kids have way too many toys.
What do I do with it all?
Things they don't need.
We have so much already.
To be free of it all.
To be able to watch him love only a few cherished toys.
To simplify.
To detox from the materialism of it all.
Losing the "desire" and craving for things.
Gaining the desire for "the things of God".
The hate of money.
What have we done to Christmas?
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
A Truly Holy Night
O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining, it is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
**Image by darkpatator (Flickr)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Trail of Lights
Ok fellow central texans, today's the last day to see the Trail of Lights! We're going tonight if you need a reason to go! HA!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Fashion Show!
So when my mom came to visit last month she brought to GIANT bins of clothes with her. Clothes that don't fit her any more or are (as she puts it) too young for her.
I took out everything that I wanted (that fit) and am still left with piles and piles of clothes. Some are really cute. Some look like something my mother would wear.
But here's the deal. Minus dropping this all off to good will, I want to find good homes for all this cute stuff! That's where my local buds come in.
I'm going to post a few pics at a time and if you like (or think you're mom might like them) let me know and I'll drop them off to you (of course you must live around here, haha).
The sizes range from Small-Large and 8-10s. Just to give you an idea, my mom is about 5'5" and was probably around 120-150 lbs when these clothes were getting use. Oh and some of them are brand new!! Tags still on!!
And did I say FREE CLOTHES!! Don't forget your mom or aunt too, cause I know these clothes aren't "the latest" style or what not, but they are really nice brands and well made.
Okay, so here go the pics! I think each day I'll put up about 9 or 10 - but there are tons! If no one wants them, I'm good willing them at the end of each week (as in next Friday) so let me know if you want one!
This is size 8
Size 8 pants, but they are stretch. Not really my style, but to each his own!
Size small
Medium
Large
Large
Large
My mom cut the size tag out of this one, but maybe a medium or large?
I took out everything that I wanted (that fit) and am still left with piles and piles of clothes. Some are really cute. Some look like something my mother would wear.
But here's the deal. Minus dropping this all off to good will, I want to find good homes for all this cute stuff! That's where my local buds come in.
I'm going to post a few pics at a time and if you like (or think you're mom might like them) let me know and I'll drop them off to you (of course you must live around here, haha).
The sizes range from Small-Large and 8-10s. Just to give you an idea, my mom is about 5'5" and was probably around 120-150 lbs when these clothes were getting use. Oh and some of them are brand new!! Tags still on!!
And did I say FREE CLOTHES!! Don't forget your mom or aunt too, cause I know these clothes aren't "the latest" style or what not, but they are really nice brands and well made.
Okay, so here go the pics! I think each day I'll put up about 9 or 10 - but there are tons! If no one wants them, I'm good willing them at the end of each week (as in next Friday) so let me know if you want one!
this sweater is REALLY soft and a "Small" - bah! too little for me
This is size 8
Size 8 pants, but they are stretch. Not really my style, but to each his own!
Size small
Medium
Large
Large
Large
My mom cut the size tag out of this one, but maybe a medium or large?Less than Perfect
Today Hayden helped me sort clothes before I did laundry. But first, I had to get over my perfectionist ways.
He may not have put the clothes exactly on the pile.
He may not have understood the difference between the "whites to be bleached" pile and the normal "whites".
And he may have wanted to "sort" the already sorted clothes piles.
But the look of satisfaction on his little face after he "helped" was worth the imperfection of the process.
If I can just learn to let go and that he won't do it "exactly" like I show him, I will really be able to enjoy this age.
He may not have put the clothes exactly on the pile.
He may not have understood the difference between the "whites to be bleached" pile and the normal "whites".
And he may have wanted to "sort" the already sorted clothes piles.
But the look of satisfaction on his little face after he "helped" was worth the imperfection of the process.
If I can just learn to let go and that he won't do it "exactly" like I show him, I will really be able to enjoy this age.
Ch Ch Ch Changes....
Having kids does things to you...besides changing your ability to sleep.
Is it just me or are all those female things different?
Before you get all freaked out, whatever you're thinking I'm not going there.
I'm just saying, I used to laugh at those women who would say "I can tell when I'm ovulating." I was like, uh ok nutball.
But, now, I too am a nutball...I can totally tell! But not until I had 2 kids, haha. So weird. Sorry, just had to share my conversion to the nutball side.
Is it just me or are all those female things different?
Before you get all freaked out, whatever you're thinking I'm not going there.
I'm just saying, I used to laugh at those women who would say "I can tell when I'm ovulating." I was like, uh ok nutball.
But, now, I too am a nutball...I can totally tell! But not until I had 2 kids, haha. So weird. Sorry, just had to share my conversion to the nutball side.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Woot!
Is it just me, or does my "little" boy suddenly look like a "big" boy?
Where did my chubby toddler go?
Anywho...
Tomorrow is Friday!!
I took a look at my planner for tomorrow and guess what's on there?
....
NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that's exactly how I like it. I could use a day of just doing my thing at home. No trips, no outings, no plans, absolutely nothing. I think those are some of my favorite days.
And I'm so excited that the hubby has 2 whole weeks off starting this weekend. How awesome is that? It's like a little "mommy" vacation. For 2 weeks, I will not be the sole caretaker for my 2 critters. I hope it's everything I have imagined it to be.
What are you Christmas plans?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Brrrrrrrr....
It's cold outside...(ok it's only 30 degrees, but we're Texans, anything lower than 60 is cold).
Things I'd love to do with this cold day ...
1. First off, I'd still be in bed curled warmly under my covers. I loved to just stay snuggled on a cold morning when I was a kid.
2. If I could get my critters to enjoy it and stay still I'd have them hop in bed with me too! But, alas, my 2 year old could never snuggle - it requires you not to move.
3. When we finally did wander out of our warm, cozy, beds we'd start breakfast off right with some hot cocoa!!!
4. Then I'd have to throw on White Christmas! And sing a little song...
Snow
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow
I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow
Snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow
Where it's snowing
All winter through
That's where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the snow-oh-oh-oh-oh
Those glist'ning houses that seem to be built of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
What is Christmas with no snow
No white Christmas with no snow
Snow
I'll soon be there with snow
I'll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I'll build a man that's made of snow
I'd love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep
And dream
Of snow
5. Then there would be a nice HOT shower. I love hot showers when it's super cold.
6. A big bread bowl full of clam chowder or broccoli cheese soup would be next. Nothing like soup on a cold day.
7. I would read a great book - probably a murder mystery in a holiday setting! Puuuurfect.
8. Make a giant pot of hot tea and a friend would unexpectedly drop by! Of course, in this scenario when I answered the door I would be fully dressed (not in my bathrobe, ah hem, and the house would be clean)
9. I would have lots of energy and bake some cookies - the kind you used REAL cookie cutters for!
10. And finally, my hubby would come home early (like at noon...) and we'd play WoW the rest of the day and night!!!! Wooot.
And that's my craziness for the day!
Things I'd love to do with this cold day ...
1. First off, I'd still be in bed curled warmly under my covers. I loved to just stay snuggled on a cold morning when I was a kid.
2. If I could get my critters to enjoy it and stay still I'd have them hop in bed with me too! But, alas, my 2 year old could never snuggle - it requires you not to move.
3. When we finally did wander out of our warm, cozy, beds we'd start breakfast off right with some hot cocoa!!!
4. Then I'd have to throw on White Christmas! And sing a little song...
Snow
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow
I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow
Snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow
Where it's snowing
All winter through
That's where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the snow-oh-oh-oh-oh
Those glist'ning houses that seem to be built of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
What is Christmas with no snow
No white Christmas with no snow
Snow
I'll soon be there with snow
I'll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I'll build a man that's made of snow
I'd love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep
And dream
Of snow
5. Then there would be a nice HOT shower. I love hot showers when it's super cold.
6. A big bread bowl full of clam chowder or broccoli cheese soup would be next. Nothing like soup on a cold day.
7. I would read a great book - probably a murder mystery in a holiday setting! Puuuurfect.
8. Make a giant pot of hot tea and a friend would unexpectedly drop by! Of course, in this scenario when I answered the door I would be fully dressed (not in my bathrobe, ah hem, and the house would be clean)
9. I would have lots of energy and bake some cookies - the kind you used REAL cookie cutters for!
10. And finally, my hubby would come home early (like at noon...) and we'd play WoW the rest of the day and night!!!! Wooot.
And that's my craziness for the day!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Oh Kids
Nothing like kids to point out your failures.
This weekend while we were putting up our outside decorations, we accidentally broke off on of our reindeer from it's little platform. It's old and rusted, so it just snapped off.
Immediately, Hayden saw what had happened and yelled...UH OH!!! Mark assures him, "I know Hayden, uh oh." while he curses under his breath.
Hayden: UH OH!!! UH OH!!! UH OH!!!
Mark: Yes, I know. I'll fix it.
Hayden: UH OH!! UH OH!!! UH OH!!! (all while trying to "resuscitate the deer and trying all kinds of ways to make it stand up again.)
Mark: It's ok Hayden, I'll fix it, just give me a minute. I know "uh oh".
Me in the background:
YOU KILLED IT!!! RUDOLF'S DEAD!! AGGGGHH.
Hayden: UH OH!! (While following Mark around the yard with the broken off deer stand.)
Me: (Laughing hysterically)
Silence for about 2 minutes.
Me: UH OH!!
Hayden: UH OH!! UH OH!! (while following Mark around the yard)
Mark: !@#$%^*
This weekend while we were putting up our outside decorations, we accidentally broke off on of our reindeer from it's little platform. It's old and rusted, so it just snapped off.
Immediately, Hayden saw what had happened and yelled...UH OH!!! Mark assures him, "I know Hayden, uh oh." while he curses under his breath.
Hayden: UH OH!!! UH OH!!! UH OH!!!
Mark: Yes, I know. I'll fix it.
Hayden: UH OH!! UH OH!!! UH OH!!! (all while trying to "resuscitate the deer and trying all kinds of ways to make it stand up again.)
Mark: It's ok Hayden, I'll fix it, just give me a minute. I know "uh oh".
Me in the background:
YOU KILLED IT!!! RUDOLF'S DEAD!! AGGGGHH.
Hayden: UH OH!! (While following Mark around the yard with the broken off deer stand.)
Me: (Laughing hysterically)
Silence for about 2 minutes.
Me: UH OH!!
Hayden: UH OH!! UH OH!! (while following Mark around the yard)
Mark: !@#$%^*
Friday, December 12, 2008
Breastfeeding: A Journey (Part III)
Friday:
So we're still pumping .5 an ounce - but honestly I can't complain. That is an increase from my minuscule .25. So 100% increase in only 3 days? Maybe that's ok. I just need to be sure to keep on top of my pumping this weekend. I think my 6 hours pumping hiatus today, threw me off.
Monday:
I'm pumping a little less than an ounce. But that's enough to allow me to nurse Corbin early morning then feed him a full 6 ounce bottle of what I've pumped for his first "real" feeding. Not too shabby, since this time last week I wasn't nursing at all and producing next to nothing. Slow results, but there are results.
To help out, I think I'm going to throw in some Mother's Milk tea. I hadn't been drinking it - I've been trying to increase purely by pumping, but who am I kidding? I could use all the help I can get.
So we're still pumping .5 an ounce - but honestly I can't complain. That is an increase from my minuscule .25. So 100% increase in only 3 days? Maybe that's ok. I just need to be sure to keep on top of my pumping this weekend. I think my 6 hours pumping hiatus today, threw me off.
Monday:
I'm pumping a little less than an ounce. But that's enough to allow me to nurse Corbin early morning then feed him a full 6 ounce bottle of what I've pumped for his first "real" feeding. Not too shabby, since this time last week I wasn't nursing at all and producing next to nothing. Slow results, but there are results.
To help out, I think I'm going to throw in some Mother's Milk tea. I hadn't been drinking it - I've been trying to increase purely by pumping, but who am I kidding? I could use all the help I can get.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Breastfeeding: The Journey (Part II)
So I pumped 12pm, 2pm, and now 4pm. Still not much at all. Like .25 oz not much. So disheartening. I tried to nurse Corbin before I started, he screamed in my face at the injustice of asking him to nurse when I had no milk! That too makes me want to cry.
So I fed him a bottle of formula and sat down to pump. We have community group tonight and it might mess up my pumping schedule. My next pump would be at 6pm, 8pm, 10pm. But group is from 7pm-9pm, we usually get home around 9:30pm or later. So it will be more like 4 hours between pumping instead of 2. Ugh. Even when I try, I still can't get it right.
And tomorrow is Conversational English for 2 hours (9:30-11:30 + drive time).
Okay, well we'll see. 4 hours...and only .5 of an ounce. Sheesh have I got a long way to go.
Got home and was able to pump at 9:45. I got .5 of an ounce. Of course it was almost 4 hours since the last pumping, so I don't think that can be considered an increase. Argh.
~~~~~
It's the next day (Wednesday) and so far I think my pumping has gone from only .25 of an ounce to .5 - so that's a 100% increase right? Still is only half an ounce, but I can deal. Just keeping pumping along...
It's 10pm, just pumped..again...still only .5 of an ounce. But I suppose that's more than I was pumping yesterday.
It would be nice to have 100% increase each day. That would make:
Thursday: 1 oz
Friday: 2 oz
Saturday: 4 oz
Sunday 8 oz
Considering Corbin drinks around 6ounces this would be awesome to produce 8!!! That would give me like 2 oz to store!! Haha, ok I'm dreaming now. To think of having extra would just blow my mind. Right now I just want to feed my baby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Thursday morning and I pumped .5 of an ounce. No increase. Argh!! I was hoping for maybe an ounce. But in positive news I did nurse Corbin back to sleep this morning at 6am. I haven't been doing that lately because of the milk supply. So I at least have something that can comfort him.
It's 3:56pm and I finally pumped 1 whole ounce! So that's a 200% increase from the start. I was beginning to get discouraged, especially when I only pumped a little less than .5 of an ounce at 1:30pm. I think I figured out a combination of settings on my pump that work well. I basically have to start it at one setting, then change it after the let down. Why does this have to be so complicated and why don't my boobs come with instruction manuals?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I woke up slightly engorged - that's new! And I even nursed Corbin his first feeding. Something else that hasn't happened in a while - when I was nursing on one side, the other side started leaking. That seriously hasn't happened to me in a long time. My milk supply must be increasing.
Today I had a lot of fun making cookies with one of my best friends. Our kiddos played and we chatted - it was great. Unfortunately, my pumping took a backseat to that. Pumping with someone there or even with just Hayden running around is hard for me. I have to be completely relaxed and that was not going to happen. So I didn't get to pump until 2pm and only got 1 ounce. We'll see how the next pumping goes. But was encouraged by my successes this morning.
I think I'll end this post here and pick up in a part III edition.
Feel free to ignore these posts if breastfeeding wigs you out. This is just my life right now, so my blog shows it.
So I fed him a bottle of formula and sat down to pump. We have community group tonight and it might mess up my pumping schedule. My next pump would be at 6pm, 8pm, 10pm. But group is from 7pm-9pm, we usually get home around 9:30pm or later. So it will be more like 4 hours between pumping instead of 2. Ugh. Even when I try, I still can't get it right.
And tomorrow is Conversational English for 2 hours (9:30-11:30 + drive time).
Okay, well we'll see. 4 hours...and only .5 of an ounce. Sheesh have I got a long way to go.
Got home and was able to pump at 9:45. I got .5 of an ounce. Of course it was almost 4 hours since the last pumping, so I don't think that can be considered an increase. Argh.
~~~~~
It's the next day (Wednesday) and so far I think my pumping has gone from only .25 of an ounce to .5 - so that's a 100% increase right? Still is only half an ounce, but I can deal. Just keeping pumping along...
It's 10pm, just pumped..again...still only .5 of an ounce. But I suppose that's more than I was pumping yesterday.
It would be nice to have 100% increase each day. That would make:
Thursday: 1 oz
Friday: 2 oz
Saturday: 4 oz
Sunday 8 oz
Considering Corbin drinks around 6ounces this would be awesome to produce 8!!! That would give me like 2 oz to store!! Haha, ok I'm dreaming now. To think of having extra would just blow my mind. Right now I just want to feed my baby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Thursday morning and I pumped .5 of an ounce. No increase. Argh!! I was hoping for maybe an ounce. But in positive news I did nurse Corbin back to sleep this morning at 6am. I haven't been doing that lately because of the milk supply. So I at least have something that can comfort him.
It's 3:56pm and I finally pumped 1 whole ounce! So that's a 200% increase from the start. I was beginning to get discouraged, especially when I only pumped a little less than .5 of an ounce at 1:30pm. I think I figured out a combination of settings on my pump that work well. I basically have to start it at one setting, then change it after the let down. Why does this have to be so complicated and why don't my boobs come with instruction manuals?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I woke up slightly engorged - that's new! And I even nursed Corbin his first feeding. Something else that hasn't happened in a while - when I was nursing on one side, the other side started leaking. That seriously hasn't happened to me in a long time. My milk supply must be increasing.
Today I had a lot of fun making cookies with one of my best friends. Our kiddos played and we chatted - it was great. Unfortunately, my pumping took a backseat to that. Pumping with someone there or even with just Hayden running around is hard for me. I have to be completely relaxed and that was not going to happen. So I didn't get to pump until 2pm and only got 1 ounce. We'll see how the next pumping goes. But was encouraged by my successes this morning.
I think I'll end this post here and pick up in a part III edition.
Feel free to ignore these posts if breastfeeding wigs you out. This is just my life right now, so my blog shows it.
Breastfeeding: A Journey
This is a secret look into my biggest struggle. Please don't personalize this post as anything to do with the breastfeeding vs. formula debate. Both my babies have formula fed so I have no issues there. As with ALL of my posts this has nothing to with anyone but myself. I don't need added grief by having someone misunderstand my writing and be upset by it. I debated whether or not to even post this or just keep it in draft form. This post was done on Tuesday.
As I start to write this, I don't know where this journey is going to end. But, I feel like I need to write all this down, maybe someone out there is going through the same thing and could gain something from this.
Breastfeeding has always been work for me. It's never come easy or naturally. Any slight diversion and my milk supply plummets.
My first time at breastfeeding was difficult. Hayden never latched on and nursed before we went home from the birthing center. If he doesn't nurse before we leave, then their policy is to send us home with formula. I felt defeated before I even began. I had struggles once we got home getting my milk started with a baby who couldn't nurse. I eventually resorted to a nipple shield to help him latch. I had family driving me nuts about how much he was eating as well as the typical newborn weight loss. I finally went to a lactation consult who helped us get on the right track and Hayden started nursing well after that.
But I couldn't leave him with anyone. He wouldn't use a bottle and would only nurse. I couldn't sit through an entire church service or go out with my husband. Finally at 6 months I got him to take a bottle. A little formula here and there, and then one day Hayden didn't want to nurse. He wanted the instant gratification of the bottle. It was so stressful and I felt so rejected that I just stopped nursing.
That was my first experience.
Then I had Corbin. Corbin was my champion nurser from day one. Within 10 minutes of being born he had latched on and was nursing. I was so relieved that we didn't have to go through the stress of "teaching" him to nurse. But it took 4 days for my milk to come in and he had a bit of weight loss. With his kidney issues, I didn't want to do anything that might hurt him. So we supplemented with formula. So started the slippery slope to where I am today.
Then I started trying to lose weight - something I think I regret now. Again, a decline in milk. I didn't have enough to feed him fully. I'm not going to starve him, so we did more formula. It started with a bottle each night before bed, and has now turned into a bottle for every feeding, with maybe 4 oz of breast milk thrown in once every other day. That's seriously all I'm producing...2 oz a day.
I could cry.
Not because I so desperately want to breastfeed, but because I know my NOT breastfeeding is affecting his health. Most babies can thrive wonderfully on formula, but Corbin is not one of those babies. He has developed a severe eczema rash that no amount of lotion can clear up. He is constipated and his stools are green and more solid. I know he needs his mother's milk, and I'm not giving it to him.
I wish I could. I would do anything. Or would I? Because, honestly, I haven't been consistent in pumping. I get busy and go 4-5 hours before pumping, I have simply given up having him nurse now that he's used to the bottle.
And that's where I am right now. I wish I knew the end to the story right now.
But here's my journey. I am going to pumping 20 minutes every 2 hours. At present, if I pump every 2 hours, I can get less than .5 oz, probably not even .25 oz. But I'm going to keep going. If I can't get my supply up by this time next Tuesday, I will resign myself that my breastfeeding days are done.
As I start to write this, I don't know where this journey is going to end. But, I feel like I need to write all this down, maybe someone out there is going through the same thing and could gain something from this.
Breastfeeding has always been work for me. It's never come easy or naturally. Any slight diversion and my milk supply plummets.
My first time at breastfeeding was difficult. Hayden never latched on and nursed before we went home from the birthing center. If he doesn't nurse before we leave, then their policy is to send us home with formula. I felt defeated before I even began. I had struggles once we got home getting my milk started with a baby who couldn't nurse. I eventually resorted to a nipple shield to help him latch. I had family driving me nuts about how much he was eating as well as the typical newborn weight loss. I finally went to a lactation consult who helped us get on the right track and Hayden started nursing well after that.
But I couldn't leave him with anyone. He wouldn't use a bottle and would only nurse. I couldn't sit through an entire church service or go out with my husband. Finally at 6 months I got him to take a bottle. A little formula here and there, and then one day Hayden didn't want to nurse. He wanted the instant gratification of the bottle. It was so stressful and I felt so rejected that I just stopped nursing.
That was my first experience.
Then I had Corbin. Corbin was my champion nurser from day one. Within 10 minutes of being born he had latched on and was nursing. I was so relieved that we didn't have to go through the stress of "teaching" him to nurse. But it took 4 days for my milk to come in and he had a bit of weight loss. With his kidney issues, I didn't want to do anything that might hurt him. So we supplemented with formula. So started the slippery slope to where I am today.
Then I started trying to lose weight - something I think I regret now. Again, a decline in milk. I didn't have enough to feed him fully. I'm not going to starve him, so we did more formula. It started with a bottle each night before bed, and has now turned into a bottle for every feeding, with maybe 4 oz of breast milk thrown in once every other day. That's seriously all I'm producing...2 oz a day.
I could cry.
Not because I so desperately want to breastfeed, but because I know my NOT breastfeeding is affecting his health. Most babies can thrive wonderfully on formula, but Corbin is not one of those babies. He has developed a severe eczema rash that no amount of lotion can clear up. He is constipated and his stools are green and more solid. I know he needs his mother's milk, and I'm not giving it to him.
I wish I could. I would do anything. Or would I? Because, honestly, I haven't been consistent in pumping. I get busy and go 4-5 hours before pumping, I have simply given up having him nurse now that he's used to the bottle.
And that's where I am right now. I wish I knew the end to the story right now.
But here's my journey. I am going to pumping 20 minutes every 2 hours. At present, if I pump every 2 hours, I can get less than .5 oz, probably not even .25 oz. But I'm going to keep going. If I can't get my supply up by this time next Tuesday, I will resign myself that my breastfeeding days are done.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Spoiled Rotten!!
What a great birthday!
I got to go to TWO movies!!! Australia and Four Christmases. Australia was awesome! I really liked it. And Four Christmases was funny, although it seemed like they were trying too hard at times. For both showings I got to go to my favorite movie theater the Alamo Drafthouse. It's my favorite because you can watch movies AND eat real food (not just overpriced popcorn)!!!
Megan and I saw the 10:25pm showing of Australia cause, well we're Mommies and we've got responsibilities until 8pm or so, HA! We were the ONLY ones in the theater. And I think because the movie was so long we were the last people in the whole building, it was a bit weird at the end when we had 2 or 3 cleanup folks waiting on our movie to end so they could get started. And then all the doors but one were locked when we tried to leave!! I think I got home at 1:30am. That's a late night for me, but I'm so glad I went. I would definitely recommend this movie for those into that genre.
I saw Four Christmases with Jenny at 11:25am so I got to indulge in some Porky's Pepperoni Pizza! Yum. Actually I indulged in all kinds of stuff this week (thanks to my Hubby who kept bring home the treats) and I think I gained 5 lbs!!! Ouch.
The Hubby fulfilled my life long wish of having a charm bracelet! I think originally I was 6 and wanted a charm necklace with cool plastic charms like a unicorn, but since I'm now 28, I think his was more appropriate.
The charms are little baby booties that will be engraved with the boys names and birth dates. He also got me two other charms for Christmas that I need to have put on.
I got the coolest purse from Jenny - it's super cute and I can't wait to use it. It was also stuffed with lots of goodies - including a bath pillow! Something I've been wanting for, oh, 8 years!! We have the most uncomfortable bath tub, so I never take baths, just showers. I used to take baths all the time before this house. Now I can enjoy my baths again! Woohoo!
Lindi brought me a basket FULL of goodies, including the most beautiful colored mugs I've ever seen. They are a gorgeous blue and are so awesome! There were all these teas, a relaxing CD and a yummy hot peppermint cocoa. Wow it was good!!!
I also got a million happy birthday's on facebook!!
There was more, but I think you got the picture - it was a great birthday!!!
I got to go to TWO movies!!! Australia and Four Christmases. Australia was awesome! I really liked it. And Four Christmases was funny, although it seemed like they were trying too hard at times. For both showings I got to go to my favorite movie theater the Alamo Drafthouse. It's my favorite because you can watch movies AND eat real food (not just overpriced popcorn)!!!
Megan and I saw the 10:25pm showing of Australia cause, well we're Mommies and we've got responsibilities until 8pm or so, HA! We were the ONLY ones in the theater. And I think because the movie was so long we were the last people in the whole building, it was a bit weird at the end when we had 2 or 3 cleanup folks waiting on our movie to end so they could get started. And then all the doors but one were locked when we tried to leave!! I think I got home at 1:30am. That's a late night for me, but I'm so glad I went. I would definitely recommend this movie for those into that genre.
I saw Four Christmases with Jenny at 11:25am so I got to indulge in some Porky's Pepperoni Pizza! Yum. Actually I indulged in all kinds of stuff this week (thanks to my Hubby who kept bring home the treats) and I think I gained 5 lbs!!! Ouch.
The Hubby fulfilled my life long wish of having a charm bracelet! I think originally I was 6 and wanted a charm necklace with cool plastic charms like a unicorn, but since I'm now 28, I think his was more appropriate.
The charms are little baby booties that will be engraved with the boys names and birth dates. He also got me two other charms for Christmas that I need to have put on.
I got the coolest purse from Jenny - it's super cute and I can't wait to use it. It was also stuffed with lots of goodies - including a bath pillow! Something I've been wanting for, oh, 8 years!! We have the most uncomfortable bath tub, so I never take baths, just showers. I used to take baths all the time before this house. Now I can enjoy my baths again! Woohoo!
Lindi brought me a basket FULL of goodies, including the most beautiful colored mugs I've ever seen. They are a gorgeous blue and are so awesome! There were all these teas, a relaxing CD and a yummy hot peppermint cocoa. Wow it was good!!!
I also got a million happy birthday's on facebook!!
There was more, but I think you got the picture - it was a great birthday!!!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I Never Knew...
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We've just now come to understand that for at least the past year...
we've been living with a hearing-impaired child.
The tubes surgery that was done Wednesday opened our eyes to how much Hayden wasn't hearing.
Each day (and it's only been 4 days) we see more and more improvements and changes in Hayden.
1. He started using consonants he'd never used before.
2. He's starting to mimic things that he hears.
3. He's beginning to use more words
4. He's starting to use speech to express his desires, not gestures.
5. He has become extremely sensitive to our reprimands.
#5 Really hit home to us. Whenever we corrected him by saying "No Hayden", we'd always used a loud tone of voice. I'd just assumed all this time he just didn't obey unless I yelled. But now, if we yell when we say no, he gets extremely upset. It's obvious that it sounds much louder to him now and he just wasn't hearing it as well before. Wow.
It was just hard to know. I mean I knew he could hear, he'd passed the simple hearing test. But we just didn't know how well he was hearing. The fluid in his ear was apparently cause quite a bit of hearing loss. Poor baby.
I'm happy that we did the surgery. I was very apprehensive at first since I wasn't sure if the fluid was really affecting his hearing, but I'm so glad we did it.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Happy Thursday!
Hayden's really into stacking things lately. Often I'll walk into the kitchen to find things like this. Hmm...ok. Kind of Poltergeist-ish - I'm half expecting to find all of our chairs stacked in odd ways on the table.Hayden had really been moody this week. We've been "battling" all week. Guess it doesn't help that I'm cranky this week..ah cramps...how I didn't miss them all these months.
Yesterday I put myself in "time-out" on the porch. If I had duct tape lying around you may have had a picture of Hayden taped to the wall today. But, alas, no tape. I believe some might call my toddler "strong-willed". Yeah, that's it, strong-willed...
He's also going through a very frustrating phase of hitting himself whenever he gets frustrated or angry (or both). He hits himself in the head and says "NO!". Argh. Apparently, this is very common in toddlers. But it's still hard to see your kid smacking himself in the head. The more I try to stop him the more he does it. It seems to help if I just ignore the behavior instead of letting it upset me. I think he likes the reaction I give when he does it, so I'm trying not to react.
We've also stopped showing all movies (except for Veggie Tales). He mimics everything he sees on these movies and it comes out in him trying to hit, or getting really wild or throwing things. Veggie Tales seem to avoid showing negative behaviors (even if they are depicted as "bad" he still mimics them because he's too young to follow the storyline) and is less stimulating. At younger ages he just loved the music and sounds of the movies, but now he's "acting" them out and that's just not acceptable.
And I'm only showing movies during breathing treatments or other times I need him "occupied". Mostly, I'm trying to redirect his behavior either by playing outside, room-time, book-time, or an activity. Some weeks he's really difficult to handle and I know this is mostly my fault because we don't have a good routine in place and have been watching way too many movies. I need to work hard to curb his negative behaviors or I will definitely go insane.
Tonight I'm going to the movies with a friend!! We're seeing Australia. I hope it's good. (Don't tell me if it's not!)
I'm just so happy it's almost Friday because this week has been ROUGH.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Small Enough
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now. ..
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den and I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again. But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky - just wanna know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry.
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now...
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now. There have been moments when I could not
face Goliath on my own and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos
but I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight - just wanna know that everything will be alright.
Oh great god, be close enough to feel You now...
All praise and all the honor be to the god of ancient mysteries. Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history. But tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer:
"Are You there?"
And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me or send wisdom while i'm sleeping, like in Soloman's sweet dreams. But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end - just want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now...
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den and I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again. But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky - just wanna know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry.
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now...
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now. There have been moments when I could not
face Goliath on my own and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos
but I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight - just wanna know that everything will be alright.
Oh great god, be close enough to feel You now...
All praise and all the honor be to the god of ancient mysteries. Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history. But tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer:
"Are You there?"
And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me or send wisdom while i'm sleeping, like in Soloman's sweet dreams. But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end - just want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now...
Joys of the Season: Day 2
This has been quite an exhausting day. Today was Hayden's surgery for tubes. It was scheduled for 6am, which meant I needed to be up by 5am. Up, haha. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I was anxious about taking him since I would be going by myself this time (Mark was staying home with Corbin). I knew the whole procedure would be rough and it was. I tossed and turned the whole night, and when I did sleep I had dreams about what would happen the next day. When my alarm finally went off I was relieved that I didn't have to "pretend" to sleep anymore.
I also started my period this morning...joy oh joy. I don't think that counts as my joy today.
Hayden didn't want ANYONE to touch him, poor baby. But they needed to get oxygen saturation levels, temperature, hospital band on, etc. It was a fight. Ugh. Then they carried him off screaming.
Luckily it's a quick surgery, it literally took 5 minutes. It takes longer for him to wake up from anesthesia than the actual procedure. Now I have the joy of figuring out how to get this kid to let me put ear drops in his ears tonight. No, that isn't my joy today either. I'm dreading tonight.
So now I've been reduced to the walking zombie mom, but can still manage a somewhat coherent post!
My joy for today:
My husband
Despite the fact that he was already incredibly late after watching Corbin during Hayden's surgery, he went and got me donuts AND Hayden's drops from the pharmacy. Yay donuts!
I also started my period this morning...joy oh joy. I don't think that counts as my joy today.
Hayden didn't want ANYONE to touch him, poor baby. But they needed to get oxygen saturation levels, temperature, hospital band on, etc. It was a fight. Ugh. Then they carried him off screaming.
Luckily it's a quick surgery, it literally took 5 minutes. It takes longer for him to wake up from anesthesia than the actual procedure. Now I have the joy of figuring out how to get this kid to let me put ear drops in his ears tonight. No, that isn't my joy today either. I'm dreading tonight.
So now I've been reduced to the walking zombie mom, but can still manage a somewhat coherent post!
My joy for today:
My husband
Despite the fact that he was already incredibly late after watching Corbin during Hayden's surgery, he went and got me donuts AND Hayden's drops from the pharmacy. Yay donuts!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Joys of the Season: Day 1
Instead of my usual frantic anticipation of Christmas and all that goes with it, I'm going to attempt to list my thankfulness of all the joys this time of year brings us.
My joy today:
My toddler.
1. There is nothing more wonderful than watching him close his little eyes as he swings with the sun shining on his face. I can remember that same feeling when I was a kid and he brought it all back to me today.
2. I now know why toddlers don't have licenses. Hayden's priorities while driving:
1. Keep foot on pedal
2. Collect as many sticks as possible
3. Steering is optional
4. If more than 2 sticks are found, sticks win over steering any day.
5. A third stick may be placed in the steering wheel for extra storage capacity.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him
Psalms 127:3
Psalms 127:3
What are your joys today?
Monday, December 1, 2008
28 Years...
Guess what?
I turn 28 this friday.
In honor of that, here's what an average (and I mean average) gal can do in 28 years (in no particular order since I have mommy fog):
I've always fell in the mediocre range, and I think that has been a blessing. I think God knows, that if I had been "special" or talented it would have gone straight to my head and I'd probably be worse for it.
So I've been content to just be one of the children of God. Not his best, brightest, most beautiful, or talented, but glad to be counted as His.
I have some amazing friends and though their numbers are small, their hearts are BIG and that makes up for it. When I have a friend, they are a true friend. I get far more than I give.
It's been a great 28 years and I hope I can keep living, loving, and laughing as long as I'm on this earth.
I turn 28 this friday.
In honor of that, here's what an average (and I mean average) gal can do in 28 years (in no particular order since I have mommy fog):
- Meet the love of my life and marry him
- Survive high school
- March in the Notre Dame Marching Band
- Learn how to play piano, oboe, and saxophone (in that order)
- Accept the life changing reality of Jesus
- Experience two beautiful natural, drug-free childbirths
- Become a Mother
- Graduate college
- Stay married for 8 years (and counting)
- Be apart of the missional core of a new church!
- Breastfeed two babies through sheer perseverance and mother's milk tea
- Lived, loved, and laughed with all of my dear friends and family
I've always fell in the mediocre range, and I think that has been a blessing. I think God knows, that if I had been "special" or talented it would have gone straight to my head and I'd probably be worse for it.
So I've been content to just be one of the children of God. Not his best, brightest, most beautiful, or talented, but glad to be counted as His.
I have some amazing friends and though their numbers are small, their hearts are BIG and that makes up for it. When I have a friend, they are a true friend. I get far more than I give.
It's been a great 28 years and I hope I can keep living, loving, and laughing as long as I'm on this earth.
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