Friday, November 7, 2008


Stress, stress, and more stress. I'm stressed about

  • Corbin's weird green poop and the doctor's inability to give me an answer about why?
  • Having to wait until Sunday to see if the green poop goes away
  • Possibility of gather a stool sample to test said green stool and having to await the results form that
  • Being able to breastfeed Corbin as long as I want
  • Making sure Corbin is being fed enough between breastfeeding and supplementing
  • That supplementing makes me produce less, but he needs to be supplemented because I don't produce enough
  • The constant worry that Corbin could develop a kidney infection
  • Trying to prevent kidney infection by breastfeeding him the first 7 months (studies have proved that nursing can help prevent infection during those months)
  • Hayden's birthday party tomorrow - we tried to keep is very small, but of course it is slowly growing
  • Needing to make a cake (actually 2 cakes) for the party tomorrow
  • Needing to clean the house before my MIL gets here
  • Hayden's continuing cough and congestions
  • My Mom's upcoming colonoscopy and the possibility of more "bad" polyps
  • How much I suck at pumping
  • Trying to get my house organized and just not having the time to do it
  • My weight
  • Figuring out what to wear everyday and not looking like I'm preggo while still wearing my maternity clothes
  • Getting more unwanted news about Corbin - nothing "serious" but still another thing to think about and add to the list.

How easy was life when I only had to worry about myself? Now, I don't even think about myself that much. It's all about them. I look at Corbin and I just want to cry. My beautiful baby, my Smiler, so snuggly, so sweet, yet the source of so many of my worries and heartbreaks. I don't want a single day of his life to be dark, yet I have no control over that.

These two darling boys are the light of my life and the source of many of my joys. They are blessed gifts from God that have made something out of my nothing.


txaggiechick said...

Happy birthday Hayden!!! I hope that the birthday party goes well and y'all have fun! These are the days that will shape your memories for years to come. I hope that you're able to de-stress and really enjoy it!

Just Me said...

Yeah, it should be really low key. Only 2 hours at the park. There were just going to be 2 toddlers there - now it's down to 1. HA!

Jendawg said...

You looked great today! You weren't fat or preggo-looking at all, lady! :) Let me know if you need help with anything...obviously not anything that happened yesterday or today... I am totally here for you guys!