You know you're a nursing mom when...

Your toddler wears your boob pads on his head...
You know what mother's milk tea is...
Some of your clothes are still fuzzy from accidentally washing a disposable nursing pad with your laundry...
You choose your outfit based on whether you can lift your shirt up or down enough for nursing...
Half your shirts have round breast milk stains on the boobs...
When you get out of the shower and bend over to put the towel on your hair...you start to leak...
You can tell what time of day it is...just by the size of your boobs... (maybe that's my super power, you know like in Heroes??!! eh eh?? I love that show.)

And finally...you know you've nursed 2 babies when...

Your boob can actually fold! Ack!!

And sometimes my toddler makes me wear my own boob pads on my head...

Pssst...It's Friday

Life is starting to feel normal again. Having two kids is starting to feel familiar. We've got our routines and systems down. We have our "roles".

Having a predictable night routine is helping me feel "in control" and reducing my stress.

I start dinner preparations between 5-5:30. Hayden hops up in the Kitchen Helper in front of the sink and plays with water, bowls and sponges - a lot of fun for him. Corbin chills in his infant seat next to the refrigerator. I throw on a few CDs, Gypsy Kings, Bob Marley, the usual stuff. Then we all play in the kitchen until Daddy comes home!

Once dinner is ready we all sit down to eat, Mark, Hayden and I at the table, Corbin in the swing (sorry dude! no food for you.)

After dinner is usually nursing and/or bottle time for Corbin, then dishes. Then we all head out for a walk. After our walk, one of us heats up Hayden's milk and Mark gets him ready and into bed while I nurse Corbin again and give him his medicine. Then I put him to bed and the parents are done for the day. Whew!

With this new found FREEDOM from parenting chores, we have resumed our game playing and movie watching! Woot. Feels good to have a little time to ourselves again. I can handle this!

Hmmm...Post Title....Insert Something Witty Here...

So back in 66' when I graduated from high school....

A few weeks ago I toyed around with Yearbook Yourself and let's just say, I think I was a man in the 50's. That 5 o'clock shadow is killer! Let's just say I won't be posting that pic. And the 80's well...I'm still recovering from the trauma.

Anywho...I'm still arguing with myself about working out - it goes something like this:

Me who wants to work out: I should work out.

Me who doesn't want to work out: And when do you think you're going to do that?

Good me: I'm not far from my goal weight, some cardio and strength training and I'm there.

Bad me: You can't even pull down your treadmill and you'll kill yourself trying to even get to the boxing bag.

Good me: Maybe I can do a DVD workout.

Bad me: Your kidding right? You know how that Yoga video ends - i.e. you lying on the floor while the rest of the Yoga video class is doing downward-facing dog. The Tai-Bo one is even more of a joke - you flailing your arms 5 steps behind. And let's not even start on the Pilates - the term dancing hippo comes to mind. You should just go eat a donut.

Good me: I love donuts.

Wow This Made My Day

I've mentioned this before, but in case you missed it...

So my Great-Aunt Barbara was known for her cookies. Every year for Christmas she would come and bring a giant box of various kinds of cookies she had baked. There were 20 or so different kinds of cookies in stacks of about 5. And they were gooooood.

It's one of my favorite Christmas memories. My Aunt Barbara and her cookies. And then in 2000 she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and then cervical cancer, and then...well you know the drill. And she fought hard. She was on chemo for 6 years. She passed away right before I gave birth to Hayden. Needless to say, she wasn't up to the task of making cookies during those fighting years.

I once had an idea to put together a family cookbook and her eyes lit up when I told her. I'm ashamed to say I never got around to doing it.

So after she passed, my grandmother was going through her things. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I immediately thought of her recipes. Her cookies. So I asked for "copies" of them, since I figured they were valuable treasures of her memory. To my surprise, my grandmother said, "I'll just send you the originals". Wow.

But the box of books and cards and clippings didn't clue me into how she put together these magical Christmas cookie boxes. I didn't know which cookies and I didn't know the names for the cookies I remembered - and my memory was getting fuzzier every year. By this point, it had already been at least 7 years since I'd had her cookies. I found what I thought was one of them - even blogged about it - but it didn't turn out like I had remembered.

And then, today...

I had taken down all my cookbooks from the top of the fridge so the Lowe's guy could measure our kitchen for the future remodel (yes I know I haven't mentioned it, I will later). So tonight, while I was waiting for my tea to heat up I thought I'd peruse one of the cookbooks about candies and cookies. It was old and looked like it was stuffed with clippings. And what do I find...her handwritten list of all the cookies she had prepared each year from 1994-99. The names of each cookie and how many she made of each. Each year she made over a thousand cookies for Christmas. On each paper was her written out calculation of how many cookies she needed and who they went to. And in another section of clippings were all the recipes listed on those papers.

I had found it. Her cookie list. It was like finding a little piece of her tucked away. And it made my day.

2 Kids = Time Speeds Up

Why do my days now end around 11pm? Not end as in sleeping, but end of parenting duties (mostly). I used to have the luxury of most nights ending at 8 or 9 at the latest when it was just Hayden. Now it seems Hayden goes down late and Corbin even later.

All that to say my butt is kicked at the end of the day. I sit here at 10:30 (Corbin is still settling into sleep) and wonder where my night went. It feels like I should be heading to bed - like now - but I haven't yet experienced any "down" time. I need that down time. So my downtime now occurs between 11-12pm.

But I can't complain too much, Corbin IS sleeping through the night. Last night I got 8pm-7am. Wahoo! However, I'm paying for it during the day. Naps are all over the place and when he's up he wants to be in the presence of his Momma! As long as he can look at me and smile/interact he's happy. As soon as I get up to do something he goes nuts! He is definitely aware of his environment now and he prefers me in it. He wants entertainment, but he's still too small for a lot of our baby stuff. And the activity mats not doing it for him.

So with his new "needs" I'm definitely feeling the stress. I'm completely spent at the end of the day - thank goodness I get to "recharge" overnight.

Updates All Around

Awww, isn't my Mr. Shmiley adorable? Okay, I might be a tad biased, but he's cute right? RIGHT?

My mind is all over the place -what's new right? I never claimed to have organized, well thought out posts. So maybe this one will be a bit more scattered than usual, but whatever!

My little Shmiley pumpkin is growing up too fast! Today I laid him down for some much needed tummy time and he kept his head lifted up for a few minutes! What?! Where did this strength come from? I suppose you'll grow up and get strong whether you get enough tummy time or not. With your big brother stomping around, I'm a bit nervous about letting you lie (lay?) around on the floor all day. Shhh don't tell my conversational English buds that I can't, in fact, speak English... Hey at least there's spell check or this could be a lot worse.

Hayden spending a few more hours a week in childcare has helped tremendously. This Sunday when I dropped him off at his class at church he barely whimpered (enough to make me feel special) and then he ran off to play. So I think (besides the extra germs) these extra "out" activities will be beneficial for all of us. Mommy gets a few minutes twice a week with actual grown ups and Hayden gets lots of social interaction and independence from Mom. Plus he's learning all kinds of new stuff! They were doing colors on Sunday and his teachers told me he was actually trying to say orange, blue and yellow! Wow, that rocks. I'm always happy to see him learning new words since he's not the most verbal critter. Or verbal in English - he's quite talkative in his native tongue - toddler-ese.

On the weight loss front I've lost another pound! That brings us to 14 lbs if I remember correctly. Slowly but surely I'll make it there. I've given up on my unrealistic dreams of drastic quick weight loss. I'm now the tortoise, not the hare. But there is so much more in life to enjoy than being obsessed over weight loss. Ugh, to have that being your whole life is so draining. My life is more than my weight. I'm too busy and loving life too much to get stuck in that rut. So although I'm still low carbing it, I'm allowing room for life. And surprisingly it's working! I've been relaxing on the diet front for the last few weeks and I'm still losing - AND happy. Can't beat that.

My unplugged day rocked! So much so I think I will unplug every Friday. Don't get me wrong, I was in serious internet withdrawals!! But guess what? When I finally did check my email later - only ONE email was important and there was no rush to answer it. Ha! And my blogs? Eh, nothing too exciting (sorry guys). With the TV off, we were free to head out to the duck pond (quite a walk) and Hayden got to see squirrels and ducks and play at the playground. I got some GREAT exercise considering the walk is downhill going and freakin UPHILL coming back ... the whole way... ACK! But it felt good. Oh and the weather last week was so beautiful, I'm glad we enjoyed it, because today...not so nice - it's HOT today. Today I did the walk AGAIN and sheesh I was sweatin'. Which was just perfect since I was supposed to have a friend for lunch and I uh, sort of forgot. Oops! Hope she didn't mind the sweaty, stinky version of me.

Hmmmm...well I guess that's all that's on my crazy brain. I'll just leave you with this...

I feel alive, I feel a love, I feel a love that's really real
I'm on sunshine baby
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good!

Song: Walking on Sunshine
Artist: Katrina & The Waves (Hmmm...interesting name in this decade...)

Unplugging

Tomorrow, or uh today since it's 12 am, I will be unplugging. I will be turning this evil laptop off! No constant and obsessive checking email, no reading blogs, no chatting, nothing. I will spend the entire day OFF of the computer.

I will enjoy my boys. I will go for a walk. I will play with toy cars and read stories.

I will not watch TV. I will read books and sit peacefully enjoying the weather while the boys are down for their afternoon nap.

I will just enjoy life. Not a life portrayed on TV or life written about in a blog, but my life.

Follow through, make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight, you will be alright

'Cause there's no one like you in the universe

Don't be afraid what your mind consumes
You should make a stand, stand up for what you believe

And tonight we can truly say, together we're invincible

During the struggle they will pull us down
But please, please, let's use this chance to turn things around
And tonight we can truly say, together we're invincible

Do it on your own, it makes no difference to me
What you leave behind, what you choose to be

And whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable.

Lyrics From:
Song Title: Invincible
Artist: Muse

So Wrong

So yeah, I'm getting ready this morning and realize that I'm as hairy as a Sasquatch - a quick leg shave is in order. And then...it happened.

So new Moms know about the baby pooch. The lovely "parting gift" your children leave you with after they exit the womb. Anywho. I have one leg up on the sink and am bending over sporting the even bigger baby pooch that way and my toddler wanders into the bathroom.

He flashes me a big grin and then ... he squeezes the baby pooch like his discovered a new squeaky toy on his Momma's body. What the? Oh that's soooo wrong. One day you'll pay for that one kid!!!!!

Corbin Turns 3 Months!

I can hardly believe it's been 3 months since the arrival of our little "smiler". I think I shall give him the nickname Mr. Shmiley because he always seems to be ready to burst into smiles at the sight of Momma or Dadda - even mid cry.

Despite the few health issues we're working through, my little guy has been quite the trooper - even surviving while his big "Bubba" has a serious cold.

Hayden has already adapted to his presence and other than the occasional throwing himself on the floor and feigning death, he's doing well.


We've gone through 3 changes of batteries in the swing because it seems to be Mr. Shmiley's favorite activity, all though the mat gets 2nd place. You've become quite attached to your "Lovey" which is evident from the excessive amounts of drool and spit up on his little doggy head.


He sleeps beautifully in his pack-n-play, which is awesome, because seriously - at 3 months with Hayden I was putting his papasan infant seat (that he slept in) inside his crib to get him just to start sleeping there.

You're gorgeous locks of hair are still in place with limited thinning in some areas. No matter where we go we got lots of "Wow! Look at all that hair" but honestly, with parent like us, you're bound to be hairy. If we ever have a girl we'll have to invest in some hair removal for that poor girl. And Momma will be happy to do it! So don't you worry imaginary daughter, it will be ok!

Mr. Shmiley gifted me with his first full nights sleep two days ago and it rocked! I did not get a repeat performance last night, but I think that had something to do with the changing temperatures and getting cold.

I'm still nursing and hope to continue, although there are days when I feel like giving up. I never have had a large milk supply. But this time around I've gotten over my formula phobias and we supplement with 2-4 ounces every day. I think this arrangement works well. I don't stress about being low in the evenings and you get filling formula before bedtime. I nursed Hayden about 7 months so I'm shooting for at least that, but I'm not going to beat myself up over that if it doesn't happen.

I no longer feel tired all the time and I'm back down to my pre-baby life fat weight. I.e. about 5 lbs less than the heaviest I ever was before having kids. I'm slowly making progress on that front and even if I'm not always losing, I'm definitely NOT gaining. So maintenance rocks!! And last night I restarted my running, something I've always enjoyed. It's the one exercise that never felt like work to me. Maybe it's the runner's high or something.

Life is kicking back in now that I've started Conversational English and Ladies Bible Study this fall. We're hoping to start up a MOPS group soon too and I'm looking forward to lots of walks with all the new Mommies (I think there will be like 8 new babies in all this year with my friends). I'm starting up some new interests like sewing and gardening, well not totally new, but maybe "renewed". Let's see if I don't kill my poor plants by winter.

So all in all, I think it's been a pretty good 3 months little one! Happy Snoring! Hehe...he's snoozing in the swing and sounds like a little piggie.

Oh and here is Hayden's very first picture! He figured out how to do it all by himself:

A Day in the Life

<--My life around this time last year.


My life this year:

8:50 pm - Hayden writes on his uncle's couch with a pen. ACK! Time to go home.

9:00 pm - Load everyone and all their crap in the car. Hayden runs out the door and down the driveway. Thank goodness his aunt is there to chase him.

9:15 pm - Pull into driveway, grab spare set of keys, diaper bag, and my purse. Unlock the door and throw bags down. Go get Corbin out of the car (Mark gets Hayden).

9:20 pm - Bathroom break!! Yay!

9:21 pm - Mix Gatorade and Robitussin in a sippy cup for Hayden. He's been coughing all afternoon and the attempt at using a syringe didn't go over well earlier (i.e. his shirt is now soaking in the sink with red stains all over it)

9:23 pm - Pull out Margo Moo Nebulizer for Hayden as well has his medicines for the breathing treatment. He's wheezing. =(

9:25 pm - Change Corbin's diaper

9:28 pm - Bring Corbin upstairs and nurse

9:45 pm - Lay Corbin down to sleep.

9:46pm - Find Mark struggling with Hayden, he doesn't want to sit still for the breathing treatment. Toy Story 2 is playing full blast while I hold his arms down bear-hug style. He eventually calms down and we are able to do the treatment without holding his arms.

10:15pm - Treatment ends. Mark makes his Dr. King (AKA milk) and I can hear Corbin crying. Mark makes me a bottle and I go up to feed Corbin some formula cause Mommy's boobs are on empty.

10:20 pm - Corbin drinks an ounce and falls asleep. I lay him back down hoping he stays asleep.

10:21pm - Aaaaah, parenting is done for the day (day meaning it's almost midnight which would imply a new day where I will wake up again at 4am or sooner...) Time for checking email.

10:50 - Time for sleep, maybe a little bit of reading. My hopes for a shower were dashed by the need for 2 parents during the breathing treatment - maybe tomorrow afternoon.

10:51 pm - Take out contacts, put on pjs, grab pillows off the bed for myself (since Corbin is upstairs and all other rooms are downstairs I've been sleep on the couch so I can hear them - hopefully the boys can share a room soon so I can return to my wonderful bed)

10:55pm - Decide to make some Honey Chamomile tea to relax since I've realized I had way too many Diet Mt. Dews today...argh. Drink a quick 8 ounces of water while I wait.

10:59 pm - Drink tea and read more of my current book Merry Hall

11:50 pm - Sleeeep

6:30 am - Mark says goodbye and I realize Corbin has slept through the night for the first time. I spend the next 10 minutes wondering if he's been smothered in the night. I try to tell myself he's fine and to go back to sleep - if he's been smothered there's nothing I can do about it now anyway.

6:41 am - Corbin starts crying. I sigh a breath of relief. Head upstairs to nurse.

7:00 am - Lay Corbin back down and go back to bed. Really need to pee but don't want to wake up Hayden!! I'd rather sleep.

7:30 am - Hear Hayden coughing in his room, cough sounds worse today. Get up and make him some Gatorade and Robitussin instead of milk.

7:45 am - Go into Hayden's room with Gatorade concoction. Hayden stamps his feet in disapproval when he sees that his sippy cup does not have milk in it. Head back to the kitchen for milk.

7:50 am - Must pee!!!!

8:00 am - Change really gross yucky diaper on Hayden

8:03 am - Cut up bananas for Hayden, hear Corbin fussing upstairs. Turn on the PBS morning shows.

8:05 am - Go upstairs to find Corbin's diaper has leaked, ugh. Bring him downstairs to change his diaper.

8:10 am - Nurse Corbin.

8:30 am - Make coffee, decide to go with caffeinated instead of decaf since today is laundry and cleaning day.

8:35 am - Check email, read blogs, coffee.

9:06 am - Coffee is gone, time to do dishes...ugh. Throw in a load of laundry then head to the kitchen.

9:25 am - Corbin wants some quick mommy time.

9:30 am - TV turns off for the morning. Start picking up the living room.

9:35 am - Dryer buzzes. Fold clothes and put away. Take dance breaks with Hayden. One of his favorite CDs is on - Gypsy Kings.

10:00 am - Put Corbin down for a nap.

10:01 am - Sort laundry and put in another load.

10:05 am - Back to picking up the living room...Hayden isn't helping this task. He leaves destruction in his wake. Read a quick book to Hayden.

10:25 am - Living room is sort of picked up. Take a quick break and read a blog.

10:28 am - Time to put away dishes and do a few more...ugh

10:41 am - Done with another sink full, but no I still am not DONE done. Time to strip the beds. Wishing Hayden wasn't sick because it's 70 degrees outside!! Wahoo. Great weather for the park, but I don't want Hayden running around with his wheezing. Booo. Maybe we'll walk tonight.

10:55 am - In an effort to get Hayden to SIT STILL so his coughing and wheezing can calm down, I put in Toy Story 2. Hopefully, he'll quiet down a bit. I'll sit an relax a bit...

11:14 am - Pull clothes out of dryer and fold. Put in another load. Corbin wakes up.

11:30 am - Phone rings, talk to a friend while nursing Corbin.

11:59 am - Start making lunches for Hayden and I.

12:15 pm - Hayden and I eat lunch while Corbin plays

12:45 pm - Put Hayden down for a nap, move Corbin from the activity mat to the swing. Now maybe I can get dressed, hahaha. Hmmm...Corbin wants Mommy time, so much for getting dressed.

1:00pm - Put Corbin down for a nap.

1:01 pm - Make a quick low carb dessert. Pull out the chicken for dinner tonight. Take an hour to relax.

1:30 pm - Time to pull out my Bible and spend some time in peace.

2:00 pm - Read some email/blogs. Try to convince Mark to go to the Library tonight! I want to get a library card. He has other plans...bah!

2:43 pm - Ack, I've been online way too long - but get back to laundry. Hayden is banging around in his room. I'm not sure he actually took a nap. I'll wait and see...

2:49 pm - Mark's "other plans" fell through - we CAN go to the library - yippee!

2:50 pm - I am SO unmotivated. Maybe getting dressed will help.

2:53 pm - OK now I am unmotivated with clothes on...I really need to water the plants before Hayden gets up. He hates it when I go outside without him.

3:33 pm - Wow, it is beautiful outside!!! I could play out there all afternoon. But I must think of my munchkins. Hayden needs another Gatorade cocktail and Corbin needs to wake up from his nap. But I did get to water and weed the front flower bed. Oh yeah and continued another load of laundry...I think just have the kids clothes left and I'm done for the week.

3:35 pm Nurse Corbin.

3:50 pm - Hayden sounds awful, time for another breathing treatment. This time he sits in my lap peacefully instead of fighting. A miracle.

4:20 pm - Breathing treatment over, even Corbin was peaceful. Time to empty the trash cans. More laundry

4:30 pm - Corbin needs some mommy time. Snuggle on the couch.

5:00pm - Put Corbin down for a nap. Play with Hayden.

5:30pm - Corbin isn't interested in napping. Mix some formula and feed Corbin. Mark comes home.

5:45 pm - We all head out for a walk in the gorgeous weather. Library idea is "shelved" since Hayden is feeling bad.

6:30 pm - Start making dinner.

7:00 pm - Everyone eats, relaxes.

7:30pm - Mix up another batch of gatorade and Robitussin.

7:35 pm - Nurse Corbin.

8:00pm - Off to HEB for some much needed groceries.

9:00 pm - Back from HEB, put away groceries and show off my healthy buys.

9:30 pm - I'm gonna prove Mark wrong and go for a run, so there! First I measure out Corbin's medicine for Mark. Dig deep into the drawer for my sports bra. Booo, I can't find my favorite one.

9:50 pm - Ha! Done and I ran the whole route. Mark put Corbin down after feeding him, but he's crying :(

And that's a day so I'll end there!!

A Few of My Favorite Things

As the song goes...these are a few of my favorite things:

1. Hayden's chunky toddler feet
2. Soft locks of Corbin's hair
3. Sound of my wind chimes on the porch
4. Feeling of relaxation I get when both my babies are sleeping for the night.
5. Thunderstorms
6. A good conversation with a friend
7. Cozy fireplaces
8. Cuddly blankets
9. Long hot showers
10. A good book.

How about you?

Germs!!!

Ugh! It has finally happened. Both my boys have colds. I knew it was coming, but I had hoped it would hold off for a few more months. Fortunately, they are doing pretty well regardless of their sniffles. Now if I can just stay healthy!!!

Last night we when to a Halloween Express store to look for a monkey costume to complement Corbin's banana costume. We left empty handed, none of the monkey costumes looked much like a monkey. So we're going to keep looking. Last year Hayden was super cute as Tigger! I loved that costume. I saw a ton of cute toddler costumes, but now that Hubby's heart is set on the boys having matching monkey/banana costumes - that doesn't leave much.

I'm exhausted and have nothing left to blog about - so I'll hand it over to you. Are you (or kids) dressing up for Halloween? If so, do you know what your (their) costume will be?

Regaining My Peace

In a whirlwind of activity lately, I have felt this overwhelming sense of suffocation. Like I'm drowning in the responsibilities of motherhood, homemaking, and even being a supportive wife. Day snowballs into day and the TV stays on longer while my mind functions less. The end of the day I'm left with mental exhaustion and annoyance with the pace of life. The close of the night finds me unsatisfied with the days work and wishing for more time for X or Y. I find myself frustrated with my inability to keep my patience with Hayden or stay true to my eating habits. I'm wishing I'd have done this or that differently or reacted in a more positive way to some situation. I worry about the judgments or comparisons I find myself making with this or that person or family. I am discontent.

And then...I remember. It's funny how easy it is to forget something that can so utterly transform your spirit and your mind. Something that can renew you so completely. What can make those days magical instead of dreary, beautiful instead of drudgery. It's Him. It's God. Oh yeah, "Hi God. See I've been busy being miserable, so I kinda forgot about you. Oh yeah, I've been going to church on Sundays and such, but just out of duty, not to serve or love You. I've thought about praying and I send up an occasional prayer or two, but I've just been too busy wallowing in my own selfish pity to really sit down and talk to you. Cause, you know, I'm a new Mom and all, which means I'm WAY too busy for you - and frankly I don't think you can help me because it's supposed to be hard and difficult. If you helped me, then what would I complain about?"

So today I remembered. And I sat down and took 30 minutes - that I just KNEW Corbin would wake up and interrupt - and I talked to God. I told Him about how I have been worrying about Corbin's kidney, and Mark's MS, and Hayden's temper tantrums. I told Him about how I've been feeling not good enough and unmotivated. I told Him about all the things that have been bothering me. And then I thanked Him. I thanked Him for all the things that have gone right. For family, for friends, for a home to live in and food on our table. I thanked Him for each day and the beauty that really IS in every day. And then I read my Bible, so he could speak to me. And I read Philippians 4, and was reminded to not be anxious about anything and to think about lovely, true, noble things. And it happened. I felt peace. I felt ready to handle the day. Ready to deal with screaming toddlers or crying babies. Ready to mop the floors and cook the dinner. Ready to comfort friends and help out when they are in need. My strength and my peace are not from me, but from Him. And when I remember that, I am blessed.

And Corbin DID sleep for the whole 30 minutes. I'm sure God had a good laugh about my doubt on that one.

Harry Potter's Come to the Zavala House

One of the reasons I fell in love with our little house was all the unusual and peculiar details I found here, that I didn't see in all the other "track homes" we looked at. One of those happens to be a "closet under the stairs"! As soon as I saw it I thought it was a great little hiding spot - although at the time Harry Potter hadn't come out in the theaters yet, so I didn't have any ideas to make a bedroom for a nephew in there, haha. Luckily, we have no nephews (only a niece!) and so it has become the junk closet where gift bags and tissue paper go to die.

But not anymore! I'm turning our little closet into a toy room for our boys! At present all of the toys are located inconveniently in our living room, so this move will be very good for all of us. The closet has wonderful possibilities and after examining it, I can see it was the previous owners children's play area as well - the walls are covered in crayon marks.



But first things first, I must dig out all the junk in there and find a new home either in the garbage can or somewhere in our house. Then I can move on to more fun ideas, like painting a mural inside. I haven't yet decided what to paint though, so I'm open to ideas if you have any. I want it to be a fun hiding place for the boys and also a place to put away their toys at the end of the day.

The painting I will have to do at night because there is no way I'll be able to keep Hayden out of there while it dries. So this will not be a one day project for sure.

(Insert 30 second montage of me cleaning with hip 80's music here)

Gotta love discovering old stuff - especially when it matches the current season! Woot.

My foil window clings!!!

My fall kitchen rug!!

Ooooh, more Fall goodies!

Aaaah, finally finished - now I must drop. Hmmm...I was looking for a room for Corbin - I can picture a bed right there on the left...hehe. OK! I'm just kidding!!!!!

Back on Track

So after a two week weight loss hiatus I have FINALLY lost another pound. Wohoo. So that makes 13 now since I started the diet. Admittedly, I haven't been trying as hard in those weeks - mostly because I was too exhausted to cook myself lunch. Ugh.

But I went to the store this weekend and stocked up on foods that are easier to prepare and so I should be good!

I will conquer the scale!!!!! Oh and be healthy and all that too - isn't that the thing to say now days. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. Well I'll admit something to you - I DO want to be skinny and I am preoccupied with those little spinning numbers on my scale - and I want those numbers to go DOWN!!! And I don't think there is anything wrong with that - because one of the reasons I want to be skinny is because I feel so much better when I weigh less. Health is a natural side effect of not being overweight - both physical AND mental health.

So here's to another pound and staying away from all those yummy sweets at the party yesterday! Go me.

Letting Go

Since having children (especially now with 2 kids!) I have learned to let a few things go:

• Socks and shoes will dry, if Hayden wants to stick his feet in the water - well, I guess I can get over it.
• Toddlers WILL have bad moments, hours, mornings, days...but they have good ones too. This doesn't mean I'm a horrible mother.
• Sometimes french fries for dinner is OK.
• We will be exhausted after a day of chasing a toddler and holding a baby - and that's OK.
• If I want a 44 ounce diet coke after afore mentioned exhausting day, driving through Sonic on the way home is OK.
• Although we can barely manage two right now - I still want to have more babies, and even though that is NUTS, it's OK.
• Daddy can't always comfort the baby, sometimes he just needs his mommy, or his mommy's boobs, and that too is OK cause that makes me special.
• Husband and kiddos WILL get sick, and that's OK cause I can deal with it one day at a time.
• I will never be a millionaire or even live in my dream house, but that's OK cause I have more than I ever wanted or needed right here where I am.
• Sometimes I forget to be thankful for the wonderful family I have, and that's OK because then I remember...and everyone gets hugs.

So yeah, even on the hard days - like today (when we are dead tired from running after our toddler at a church outdoor event by a pond of all things - with a baby in my arms) it's OK, but that doesn't mean I'm not ready to duck tape my kid to a chair...

A Day Without Technology

Oh internet how I've missed thee. At around 1:45 pm today we had a power outage, and a phone outage, and a cable outage (although with the power outage we didn't know that yet). The power came back on about 2 hours later. The cable about 8 hours later. And the phone, well it's still out.

Why it was out? That I'm still wondering. Something about a main line down when talking to the power company. So whatever happened - it was big enough to screw up this entire neighborhood. Probably some rogue construction worker accidentally bulldozing the wrong patch of land...oops.

So for two whole hours I did NOT know what to do with myself. Mark and I ended up taking a nap (the boys were already down for naps) because it was starting to get HOT.

But, that power outage got me thinking. Thinking about how DRAWN I am to the laptop and TV when it's available. And the moment it wasn't, all sorts of new possibilities started coming into my mind. I started thinking about cleaning, organizing, and doing those projects I've been putting off. (Not that I did that, no, I took a nap!)

Maybe I should institute a "No Technology" day and see what happens. No TV, laptop, heck maybe even no music. It was odd how silent the house was, but it was peaceful too. I kind of liked it.

As you can see, I finally caught one of Corbin's smiles! Hubby and I spent a good chunk of time trying to get a picture of one! As soon as the camera was up, he'd give us a huge grin - I know he was laughing at us.

And of course Hayden had to get in on the action:



Here's his best "kissing" face impression!



Does he get his devilish good looks from his Momma...

Or his Daddy??



You be the judge. :P

The Weekend!!!!

Thanks to everyone for your sweet comments!! My mood is much improved today.

Today I cleared some room in my garage and Hayden's room by donating my changing table and glider. I was more than happy to have the extra room, but a small sentimental part of me was sad to see the changing table go. This was the changing table I'd used with Hayden as a little baby. This was the table I spent each morning talking to Hayden while I changed him and he drank his milk. He learned to say "Up" and "Da" on that table. He learned to hum the theme of the simpsons on that table. This table had seen me become a mother. Mark and I put it together long before Hayden came. Yes, I'm sentimental.

But time marches on and Hayden has long passed the weight limit for this table (although we still used it up until today - I'm surprised he didn't fall through the top). After it was gone, I walked into his room looking for the table to do a quick clothing change - but there was an empty space where it sat.

Thanks to IKEA we're getting a changing station that attaches to the top of his cabinet - which can support the weight of a toddler as well as his brother. And this allows us extra room to put in a crib when we're ready. So eventually the boys will share a room. I'm excited for the days when the boys will play together...but I'm in no rush.

Don't grow up so quickly little ones, there's plenty of time for that...later.

Such Is Life

Life is moving around you every second, and within that movement we are moving. You make a left turn instead of a right. You decide to stop for coffee instead of going straight to work. Your alarm doesn't go off on time or you hit snooze. A baby grows in the womb and instead of healthy kidney tissue, cysts are formed. A fraction of an inch and valves don't function as they should. Small, tiny things, but they make the world of difference.

As most of you know, today was our follow up appointment with Corbin's urologist. I thought I already knew the bad news - it was obvious from the tests that the left kidney doesn't work. But, he also was tested for reflux of urine back into the kidney from the bladder. I really wasn't expecting him to have reflux - neither was the doctor, it was just a routine test. But he does have it. He has Grade III reflux which is somewhere in the middle (scale goes to 5 being the worst). This is quite problematic for someone even with normal kidneys - let alone only one. Having urine pass back up into the kidney can cause infection from bacteria. Infections damage kidneys. And my poor baby only has one kidney.

A Grade III reflux condition has a 50% chance of correcting itself in the next year - which is hopeful. Otherwise, once he turns one he'll need a corrective procedure. We were given two options: 1.) a less invasive scope, but it has less success 2.) an open incision surgery. I've already decided on the surgery route if it comes to that. In the meantime, he'll be on antibiotics for the next year. Luckily, we got a new prescription that doesn't require refrigeration - that will be nice!! The other one has to be refilled every 14 days and must be refrigerated. The new medicine we only have to refill once a month.

Now I just have to keep an eye on him for fevers, which could indicate a kidney infection. The urologist instructed me to have his urine test whenever he had a fever. Hopefully, he stays well!!!

But, the good news is - no more tests. At least not for another 6 months - that's his next appointment.

It was hard to hear, but I survived the appointment without getting emotional. I totally felt the tears coming, but there was no way I was going to cry in front of this doctor and this guy who was "observing". So I tried counting to ten in my head and it passed. And that was it. I picked up Hayden from Mark and went home.

And I admittedly am an emotional eater and driver. I took the Toll road home instead of the long way and treated myself to french fries. Oops. Tomorrow is another day for the diet.

Okay, so bleh. All that is out. And life goes on. And I have two beautiful boys. And a wonderful husband. So for all you mothers (or mothers-to-be) say a quick thank you to God for the blessing of health and life of your children. It is a gift, a wonderful gift I am thankful for every day.

Cooler Weather!!!

Okay, first of all, I'm totally psyched that it didn't hit 90 degrees today until after 12!! Woot.

Hey, if you don't live in Texas you may not understand the enormity of that statement - but let me just say it's freakin hot here!! But this morning it was an awesome 80 degrees with a cool breeze. Yes, that's right a COOL breeze. Not a nasty hot breath breeze like usual.

I got a call from a good friend and we went on an impromptu walk! You've never seen me pack up the kids, strollers, sippy, snacks, etc so fast. Oh and I pumped up the tires in my joggy stroller cause they were seriously low. And like that, we were off to the park. I'm getting good at this, I think it only took me 10 minutes to get out of the house. Okay, maybe 15, but still.

So this day is going pretty well. Corbin surprises me every day. In usual mothering fashion, I always worry if he's getting enough attention - Hayden is louder and more demanding. But I've learned today that I shouldn't worry about my little guy, when he wants love he'll let you know. Today after I put down Hayden for a nap, I went to put down Corbin and he let out the angriest cry I've ever heard. I thought maybe he'd settle down into sleep, but he didn't, so I went back to him and figured that I'd move him to the swing. No, he didn't want that either. He wanted his Momma. So he snuggled up in my arms and 10 minutes later he was out. I'm glad he can let me know when he needs some Momma time. His cries are amazing. He definitely has an angry cry. I can't say that I remember Hayden having an angry cry. Corbin's angry cry is definite and even comes with the biggest frowning face I've ever seen. Other than that he's a super laid back baby.

He got back on schedule last night and only woke me up at once around 4:30am. He woke again at 8am. Now that's a schedule I can live with. If he continues this I'll probably put the boys in the same room soon. If he started sleeping through the night that would be best, but I'm not sure when that will start happening.

Tomorrow is Corbin's pediatric urologist follow up appointment. We should hear the results of the tests he had about a month ago. Although, I already know that there was no kidney function seen in the left kidney, but I am curious about the bladder reflux test. From all we've been told, unless there is another problem, they aren't going to do much else. I'm just hoping the appointment goes quickly and there are no other problems. I'd also like to end the antibiotics if he doesn't need them.

Oh and I have to say Robyn totally saved me from abandoning my diet efforts. Thanks for your sweet comment. I hit a plateau after the 12 lb loss and was starting to get frustrated, but after reading that I'm rededicated!! I just need to find some time to start exercising. HA! Last night we went to the parenting group again (I'm glad to say Hayden behaved much better this time), and they asked the question "If you lost one hour out of your day, what would you cut out?". I had to laugh, because other than the occasional reading/writing of blogs (which I usually do while nursing) most of what I do is VERY necessary. One of my kids would have to go without food or diaper changes, haha. I guess it's the season of life I'm in. I'm usually doing a few things at once. I might be watching TV, but I'm usually doing it while making dinner or lunch. I'm checking email while nursing. I read while on the toilet! HA! I never just get to do ONE THING. Hehe. The day I get to do that, I must be on vacation or something. I even pray while taking a shower (hey it's my only alone time).

Yesterday I found out that I will be cooking for an additional 2-4 folks for Thanksgiving. That makes 8 total. I think I should start thinking about the menu soon, haha. I always wanted a full house for Thanksgiving, and I guess I got my wish. I just wasn't expecting it this year. If there are 8 I'm not sure how we will work table space, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. This has inspired Mark to fry our turkey again this year. Which I won't complain about - it's delicious and less work for me!

Oh and last night Hubby and I got in a fight over a banana. HA! Beat that. We ended the night dressing up in Corbin's banana costume in honor of our ridiculous fight. :P

I'm ending this post with a bunch of bloggy love for Nie. Her amazing love for life shames me for not enjoying my own more. Prayers to her and her family. This has affected me in ways I can't begin to write about.

Short Week

Today I feel totally out of sorts. Starting the week on a Tuesday throws me off. This weekend was "OK". Sunday night was rough - Corbin decided to stop sleeping in blissful 4-6 hour stretches and wake up every 2 hours. I am still recovering from the shock of no sleep.

Oh and yes, that's Corbin in his Banana costume! We found it on sale at Party City this weekend and thought it was hilarious!! This will definitely be his Halloween costume this year. All we need is a monkey costume for Hayden and we'll be set. I think Mark and I are thinking about being pirates this year. I'm trying to convince him to do a Halloween block party this year - I'll let you know if he goes for it.

Yesterday I headed to the book store to look for a Halloween book that would help me teach Hayden how to say trick-or-treat. But, believe it or not, I couldn't find a single book that had the phrase "trick-or treat". What?!

PBS has decided to change their kids programming this week which has also thrown me for a loop. I knew it was coming, but still! Although, it does work out better for us, now Hayden can watch Sesame Street without me having to get up at the crack of dawn. 7am was way too early for us. Hayden usually gets up at 7:45am at the earliest. If he does get up before that, he knows Mama doesn't, so he quietly plays in his room until I come get him. Okay, not always quietly, but he his playing and not screeching for me.

Corbin completely got off schedule this weekend - so this week will be us getting back to our routine. Hopefully, I can get his naps back in order. He's been cat napping - which doesn't work so well.

Well, the house is a disaster and there's a mountain of laundry that's calling to me. Three day weekends = more work in an already short week. But I do love spending the extra time with my hubby, so I guess it's worth it. ;)