Just Breathe

Some of the reasons I dread the Mom visit...are statements like these:

First thing she says when they get here:

"Wow! You're huge." ~Gee thanks Mom, I was feeling like a whale, now you've confirmed it.

More pregnancy comments:

"Stand up let me look at you. I think you're bigger than last time"
Me: "Actually, I'm 20 lbs lighter"
"Oh, well last time was probably a lot of water weight" ~~Yes, LAST time I wasn't fat, but this time I definitely am. Thanks.

Crushing my hopes on having the baby soon:

"Well, he's not down low yet. You're still carrying him high." ~~No that's just fat Mom, remember?

After telling her I'm sick and have a cold:

"Well you do sleep with the fan on, that probably gave you a cold"
Me: "I've been sleeping with the fan on for 6 months. I'm pregnant and hot"
"The fan ALWAYS gives me sore throats"
Me: "It's not the fan, I got the sore throat Tuesday evening - no fan"
"Well have you been around any cleaning chemicals? Those could give you a sore throat?"
Me: "No Mom, Hayden had it, Mark had it, now I have it. It's a cold, not cleaning chemicals"
"Does Hayden sleep with a fan?"
Me: "NO Mom, in face he sleeps on the bottom bunk so he really gets no air flow even from the vent."
"Well I know the fan always makes me sick. I can't sleep under it."

Talking about last pregnancy:

"You froze us last time. You were always hot and we were freezing" ~Being pregnant will do that.

Talking about our previous conversation of having no lunch meat:

"What do you mean you don't have any food. You have lots of food!"
"I didn't say I didn't have any food Mom, I said I didn't have any LUNCH MEAT. But Mark brought home his from work so you could make sandwiches tomorrow."

Talking about tomorrow morning:

"Can we get Hayden up tomorrow?"
Me: "Sure Mom, just be sure to warm up his milk and bring it in to him when you go get him. He expects a cup of milk first thing"
"What? He gets milk in his bed?"
"No, Mom. You heat up the milk, you go let him out of his room and hand him the milk. He'll toddle out drinking his milk."
"Oh."
Me: "I'm sure I'll wake up when he does."

Talking about coffee pots before they got here:

"We're brining our coffee pot."
Me: "Mom, we have a coffee pot."
"I know but every time we come it breaks." ~Our coffee pot broke once. And they were the only ones that ever used it. And they bought the replacement. But yeah ok, I'm not even gonna answer this one.