Gaining Confidence

So I've never been a Mom who hibernates. Mark and I took Hayden almost anywhere we went. We went camping when he was 5 months old, I've flown with him three times (twice by myself), he's attended two weddings, started at the church nursery when he was 1 month old, I mean - we never let having kids stop us from enjoying things. I didn't think twice about taking him anywhere I went. But when I had Corbin, I was overwhelmed.

Mentally, I couldn't handle two kids alone. I did it when I had to, but if I didn't have to, well I didn't do it. Hayden is at a difficult stage of independence, and Corbin is alert and wanting attention. It can be very trying to go somewhere when one or both are in a bad mood, hungry, or tired. Which when you have two kids, is pretty much all the time. Corbin naps and eats every 2 1/2 hours. Hayden naps in the afternoon and eats at the usual mealtimes plus snacks. By the time I drive anywhere someone needs something. And if it's not that, it's crazy diaper changes!

So it basically left me frozen, not wanting to get out. But somehow, over the last few weeks, I've started to overcome this fear. Mostly because I have endured the WORST scenarios and lived. Yes, I experienced that afternoon at the Dr. office with two tired and hungry kids - and even had to change Hayden's totally gross diaper there! I've had Hayden throw himself on the floor and practically have me drag him out the door with Corbin's carrier in the other hand. And...I lived. I survived.

So today, I did it. I needed to check out dishwasher prices at Lowe's and waiting until both Mark and I could go or to just go alone was not going to work today. So after our Chiro appointment I headed to Lowe's. Not only did I get some prices, I even bought a square of floor tile to show Mark that I liked. Of course, everyone had fussy moments - even me (when Hayden dumped his goldfish on the floor and I had to pick them all up) - but it was fine. Once we were done there, Corbin was past due for eating so I nursed him in the car while Hayden made funny faces at the dog in the car next to us.

I then started thinking about the grocery store. We could really use a few things and if I asked Mark to get them it would delay him getting home even more. Maybe I could do it? I strapped Corbin in my Ergo and put Hayden in the cart. We navigated the store with limited fuss. We almost lost a shoe but a nice stranger notified me to it's escape. Hayden is in this strange shoe removal stage. He throws it off (just the right one) everywhere we go.

And then I even unloaded the car and kids with just a little effort.

I did it. And it wasn't a disaster. And it wasn't a completely stressful and anxious morning. It was fine. I was actually in a good mood. I think it has a lot to do with the pain relief I've gotten by going to the chiro. So many things that were painful (and I was just living with it) are not now - and that helps with the anxiety and stress levels. I'm not as run down or feeling bad. Which rocks!!! And now I don't have to rely on Mark to do all our errands!!

I suppose it also helps that the boys are growing up and a bit easier to manage. Hayden is understanding discipline and direction better, and Corbin doesn't completely meltdown if his meal is a few minutes late.